1  same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
64 2448
2  same But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
63 2406
3  same Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
55 2381
4  same Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
62 2344
5  same Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
63 2323
6  same FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
58 2314
7  same INIT FC
Mustafa khan
71 2269
8  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
69 2259
9  up Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
70 2219
10  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
40 2218
11  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
59 2216
12  same FTM
Stu Smith
67 2190
13  same Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
56 2171
14  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
78 2163
15  down Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
51 2150
16  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
49 2144
17  up King raggg
Steven Darling
68 2144
18  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
53 2137
19  same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
59 2122
20  same Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
51 2113
21  same Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
49 2104
22  up Cookie fc
Peter Cook
45 2091
23  down Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
36 2086
24  up Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
68 2080
25  up RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
73 2068
26  up Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
72 2067
27  up SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
80 2063
28  down Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
39 2060
29  down Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
44 2047
30  down Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
48 2042
31  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
63 2037
32  down PenshawPerformers
david bruce
39 2031
33  up The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
77 2025
34  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
68 2013
35  up Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
65 1999
36  up Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
67 1999
37  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
93 1998
38  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
31 1995
39  same Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
88 1995
40  up QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
76 1978
41  down Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
53 1964
42  same El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
61 1962
43  same It’s coming home
scott mcgow
68 1961
44  same Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
60 1934
45  same Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
52 1924
46  same Morningblues
Jeff Morning
58 1901
47  same romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
55 1876
48  same ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
66 1871
49  same The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
56 1796
50  same Ross’s champions
darren frankland
60 1714

 

May Manager of the Month – Queen of the North – Dorine Reacher – 76 points

The two week sprint to become May manager of the month was won by Queen of the North. Despite racking up some big totals over the season and winning three weekly awards (the joint highest), consistency was lacking. They won by a point, playing their free hit and bench boost in the last two weeks. A curious decision which only just worked.

Manager of the week – Atletico Chappers – Richard Chapman – 93 points

Chappers’ season panned out in a similar fashion to QOTN’s. Occasional mega totals were lost in among a sea of guff. This is also their third weekly triumph. They challenged for the highest weekly score prize with a 121 point total in GW35 and won the February manager of the month off the back of an 86 point haul in GW27 – the 1,226th best score in the world that week. Chappers regularly jumped a million in rank one week only to plummet back to where they started the next.

Player of the week – Nathaniel Mendez-Laing – Cardiff City – 16 points

Only 3,002 players benefited from Mendez-Laing’s weekly high in the entire game. He claims Cardiff’s fourth weekly player accolade, two more than the “team” they beat this week, Manchester United. In fact, United only managed two player awards, joint equal lowest with Fulham and Huddersfield. Cardiff went down on a deserved high given the tragedy that beset them earlier in the season.

Bargain of the week – Fabian Schar – Newcastle United – 15 points

Schar’s third player award – one more than Manchester United. An impressive return for a cut price Newcastle defender who only played two thirds of the season’s games. Newcastle were on the right side of a typical GW38 thumping with the Swiss scoring, keeping a clean sheet and collecting top bonus.

Twat of the week – Jose Holebas – Watford – -4 points

Picked up the first twat of last season and the last of this – plus a few more in between I think. This list isn’t complete without an appearance from Jose. Well done son. You made it.

Goal of the week – Jefferson Lerma. Screamer 1m48s.

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Gameweek 34 results

April 17, 2019

1  same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
42 2128
2  up But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
75 2123
3  down Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
42 2104
4  same Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
45 2063
5  same Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
44 2018
6  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
43 1997
7  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
82 1991
8  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
43 1973
9  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
64 1946
10  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
56 1944
11  down FTM
Stu Smith
43 1938
12  same Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
59 1920
13  up Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
54 1896
14  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
36 1894
15  up King raggg
Steven Darling
90 1891
16  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
44 1879
17  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
86 1879
18  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
62 1862
19  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
34 1859
20  up Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
71 1858
21  down Cookie fc
Peter Cook
42 1855
22  up Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
65 1845
23  down Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
54 1834
24  same RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
58 1831
25  same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
55 1817
26  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
67 1805
27  same SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
59 1795
28  up Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
74 1789
29  up PenshawPerformers
david bruce
59 1785
30  same Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
49 1785
31  down Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
38 1782
32  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
39 1776
33  down Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
49 1775
34  up Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
59 1742
35  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
48 1742
36  up The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
84 1737
37  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
67 1731
38  down El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
62 1727
39  same Morningblues
Jeff Morning
70 1723
40  up QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
84 1722
41  down Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
33 1715
42  same Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
66 1702
43  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
47 1689
44  up Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
70 1687
45  up Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
72 1685
46  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
46 1665
47  up It’s coming home
scott mcgow
85 1650
48  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
74 1641
49  same The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
55 1544
50  same Ross’s champions
darren frankland
57 1475

 

Top of the league – The Craggy Islanders – 2128 points

The three way battle for Buckets supremacy took another twist this week. The Islanders remain top, but theirs and Albions less than average totals opened the door for Da Pitch to creep back into real contention. The Islander’s wildcard was played with more than one eye on next weeks fixtures, but Brighton’s total failure as a double gameweek team this week let them and many others down. No goals scored and seven conceded is not what was wanted. Some managers fell even further into the trap and captained a Brighton defender. It’s a cruel irony that the best bet would have been to stick with those single gameweeking bloody Bournemouth players who hammered the first five past the hapless Seagulls defence. Take some consolation in the fact that Brighton defender Shane Duffy backed himself in his own fantasy side. Bizarrely, however, he also had Callum Wilson in his attack!

Manager of the week – King Raggg – Stephen Darling – 90 points

King Raggg accumulated 31 points from Bournemouth assets, as well as healthy contributions from captain Christian Eriksen and Raheem Sterling, to post an impressive 90 point total. It puts them top of the monthly league at the halfway stage. Not a single Brighton player in sight. A wise move.

Player of the week – Lucas Moura – Tottenham Hotspur – 21 points

Spurs players were popular among most managers and not just those on a wildcard ahead of next week’s double. Any team playing Huddersfield almost guarantees some return. Even before Dele Alli was ruled out, Lucas Moura should have come into contention for many more teams than he did, considering the likely rotation ahead of their European fixture in the midweek. Son was benched but nabbed a late assist much to the relief of many managers -and Christian Eriksen provided the same return in a 90 minute performance. This paved the way for Moura to provide a hat trick, top bonus and a load of hindsight.

Bargain of the week – Sean Morrison – 16 points

And in the end the best double gameweeker came from Cardiff. One point from the Burnley game was followed up with fifteen against Brighton. Its Morrison’s eighth clean sheet – Cardiff’s ninth overall. Brighton have kept six. Weren’t Cardiff the better bet for points in the first place?

Twat of the week – Troy Deeney – Watford – -2 points

Deeney was another popular choice on wildcard ahead of the double. He’ll play no further part in that. Watford will have to look to Andre Gray or Isaac Success to maintain their quest for the best of the rest. Some fantasy managers will be less enthused to make the same switch I imagine.

Goal of the week – Mohamed Salah. 1m08s

1  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
72 1235
2  same But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
55 1233
3  down Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
43 1228
4  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
55 1226
5  same Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
59 1190
6  same Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
46 1173
7  up SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
74 1169
8  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
39 1164
9  up Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
50 1164
10  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
45 1163
11  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
44 1163
12  down FTM
Stu Smith
56 1157
13  down King raggg
Steven Darling
41 1137
14  same Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
43 1134
15  same INIT FC
Mustafa khan
61 1133
16  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
55 1124
17  same Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
50 1107
18  same Cookie fc
Peter Cook
44 1100
19  up Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
54 1092
20  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
81 1090
21  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
74 1086
22  down Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
36 1082
23  up PenshawPerformers
david bruce
74 1081
24  down RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
46 1080
25  down Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
54 1079
26  down Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
50 1071
27  down Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
55 1070
28  up Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
53 1063
29  up Morningblues
Jeff Morning
54 1056
30  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
38 1055
31  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
50 1049
32  down Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
34 1047
33  down Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
28 1043
34  same Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
40 1039
35  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
31 1037
36  same Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
43 1030
37  same El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
45 1022
38  up QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
58 1019
39  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
43 1013
40  up The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
46 1002
40  same Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
35 1002
42  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
55 1001
43  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
32 996
44  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
71 996
45  up It’s coming home
scott mcgow
64 976
46  down Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
38 966
47  same Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
50 947
48  same Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
51 946
49  same Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
42 931
50  same The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
38 914
51  same Ross’s champions
darren frankland
58 858

 

Manager of the week AND December manager of the month – Rip Roaring Reds – Sean Whyton – 375 points

Last update I posted a league table of the runners and riders for the December manager of the month prize. It was the top 12 from Frostee Rucker who were out in the lead on 335 points down to Fake Madrid on 300 points. The Reds weren’t in that twelve. They were probably about 15th or 16th. They’re in at number one in the week that matters. With a bullet. Taking the manager of the week accolade to seal the monthly prize makes it even more impressive. And it’s boosted them 10 places in the overall rankings from 30th to 20th. It’s rare to jump that many places at this point in the season. You need a very, very good week to achieve that. Ousting one misfiring City asset in Leroy Sane and replacing him with Paul Pogba and then captaining him was the catalyst. A brave move that paid off handsomely.

Player of the week – Paul Pogba – Manchester United – 18 points

City players out. United players in. Not least the one player in red whose caused the most controversy, been the biggest talking point, been the most divisive, been the most disappointing. Not any more. Under Solksjaer, Pogba has hit three double figure scores in succession. That’s Salah-esque. For 5 million less. Can you afford to be without him? And his mates. It reminds me of Leicester’s championship winning season when everyone could afford to have Vardy and Mahrez because they were so damn cheap. You can have a triple pick of Pogba, Lingard, Martial and Rashford for the same price as Sterling and Aguero.

Bargain of the week – Neil Etheridge – Cardiff City – 15 points

Joining Callum Wilson as the only player to gain two weekly high scores, Neil Etheridge has risen to the second highest scoring keeper, keeping five clean sheets, saving three penalties, including one in this game, and making a shitload of saves – more than any other stopper. He’s way ahead of any other keeper in his price bracket, but still, more of us feel safer with the greasy gloves of Joe Hart and Lukasz Fabianski.

Twat of the week – Shkodran Mustafi – Arsenal – -1 points

What happened to the North London derby Arsenal? Only PEA seems capable of keeping up his pace of scoring. I’m not sure there’s ever been a more untrusted Arsenal defensive collective in fantasy league history. There is no Arsenal player on the first page of defenders.

Goal of the week – Victor Camarasa. 

 

Gameweek 6 results

September 24, 2018

1  up But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
71 429
2  down Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
65 428
3  up King raggg
Steven Darling
76 395
4  up Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
61 387
5  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
61 386
6  same SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
59 385
7  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
58 385
8  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
54 381
9  down Cookie fc
Peter Cook
40 367
10  up Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
72 366
11  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
70 364
12  up RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
65 362
13  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
53 362
14  down Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
50 362
15  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
58 359
16  up Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
71 358
17  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
35 355
18  down QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
48 349
19  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
53 347
20  down Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
48 345
21  up Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
59 341
22  same Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
54 340
23  down PenshawPerformers
david bruce
46 339
24  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
50 337
25  down Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
48 336
26  same CAS Vampire Slayers
Mustafa khan
58 335
27  same Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
56 332
28  same FTM
Stu Smith
60 331
29  up Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
68 327
30  same Morningblues
Jeff Morning
58 322
31  up ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
65 320
32  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
61 319
33  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
62 316
34  down Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
53 315
35  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
58 314
36  up Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
61 313
37  down Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
49 312
38  down Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
58 310
39  up Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
77 304
39  same Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
54 304
41  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
79 301
42  down Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
59 296
43  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
52 289
44  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
63 288
45  up It’s coming home
scott mcgow
72 285
46  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
48 283
47  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
50 278
48  down The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
57 276
49  up Ross’s champions
darren frankland
60 265
50  down Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
48 261
51  down El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
44 260
52  same Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
54 254

 

 

Top of the league – But Da Pitch Ain’t 1 – Trev Reams – 429 points

Da battle for supremacy between Da Pitch and Perfidious continues with both cruising past da 400 point mark way ahead of anyone else, but it’s da former who have a slender one point advantage after outscoring their rivals this gameweek. Both sit in the top 10,000 overall and both lead the way in the battle for the September manager of the month.

1  same But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
71 218
2  up Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
65 204
3  same SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
59 201
4  up King raggg
Steven Darling
76 193
5  up Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
77 188

However, both have wildcarded, as have Slabhead. Could someone from further back steal ahead and claim the September prize?

Manager of the week – Jaime Nash – Nashton Villa – 79 points

A welcome change in fortunes for last season’s runner up who has jumped almost a million places in the overall game. Disappointingly it only equates to three Buckets positions, but it’s a step in the right direction after having spent the opening weeks struggling to get over average scores and gaining no real boost from an early wildcard in gameweek 3. Villa took an 8 point hit for transfers and two of the three new boys returned 9 points – Joe Hart and James Maddison. Goals from Salah (c), Kane and Aguero, and clean sheets and bonuses from double-barreled full backs topped the total up nicely.

Player of the week – Joel Matip – Liverpool – 15 points

It wasn’t Ryan Fraser, the most transferred in player. He continued that curse by winding up on the end of a 4-0 thumping at the hands of the league’s bottom club. Thanks Ryan. After a few near misses a Liverpool player has finally found their place on the honours board. Matip completed a near clean sweep of defensive points. He was only missing the assist. And you can bag him for less than £5 million.

Bargain of the week – Ashley Barnes – Burnley – 12 points

Burnley finally have a win on the board and a second clean sheet to add to the one they picked up in gameweek 1. Their season appears to have started now the international break has passed and their European adventure has come to a premature end. A lot of their players suffered price drops through those opening weeks, Barnes being one of them. If their season is going to pick up, maybe he and one or two others will come on to our radar. It was his scoring prowess off the bench last season that eventually earned him more starts and he became a useful third striker to own.

Twat of the week – Wesley Hoedt – Southampton – -1 points

It probably should be a Cardiff player who are now shipping goals as we expected them to – four last week and five in this. Wesley Hoedt decided he’d score an own goal in a 3-0 defeat, which doesn’t do much for your fantasy cred.

Goal of the week – Joao Moutinho.

Gameweek 2 results

August 21, 2018

1  same Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
89 191
2  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
86 175
3  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
88 172
4  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
79 171
5  down But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
77 170
6  same King raggg
Steven Darling
82 166
7  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
83 164
8  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
95 159
9  up The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
84 158
9  up CAS Vampire Slayers
Mustafa khan
81 158
11  up Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
85 157
12  down Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
78 155
13  up Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
87 154
14  up DoubleDee
Noel Driver
79 149
15  up Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
92 148
15  up Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
87 148
17  up Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
86 147
18  down RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
54 145
18  down QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
63 145
18  up PenshawPerformers
david bruce
80 145
21  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
69 143
21  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
74 143
23  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
93 142
24  up SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
86 139
25  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
69 133
26  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
70 127
27  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
53 126
28  up Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
71 125
29  up Cookie fc
Peter Cook
68 121
30  up Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
71 119
30  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
48 119
32  up Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
66 118
33  down Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
49 117
34  same Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
63 115
35  up FTM
Stu Smith
70 113
36  up It’s coming home
scott mcgow
68 109
37  up Ross’s champions
darren frankland
76 108
38  down Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
54 108
39  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
54 106
40  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
58 106
41  down Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
45 102
42  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
47 102
43  down El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
51 99
44  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
65 99
45  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
51 98
46  same Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
59 98
47  up Morningblues
Jeff Morning
54 91
48  down Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
40 91
49  down Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
45 88
50  down Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
45 87
51  down The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
43 85
52  same Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
41 68

 

Manager of the week – Upper Bullens – Andy Taylor – 95 points

Storming starts by lots of managers all thanks to doubling and tripling up on the two title favourites. Six goals for Liverpool without reply and eight for Manchester City with a single goal in the against column have helped towards some impressive looking totals in the first two weeks. There were three more 90+ scores and over half of us topping the 60 point average. And most of those were as a result of having Sergio Aguero as captain. The home tie against Huddersfield was too much to resist and the City striker duly delivered to the tune of 40 points with the armband. Bullens were the best with Marcos Alonso contributing 13 points and being one of only two players to post two double figure scores; and Richarlison scoring his third goal of the season and adding 9 more points to the 14 he got last week. They move up to eighth overall and lie just over 30 points behind the leaders, Perifidious Albion, who opted for a curious wildcard and could have surpassed the century mark again had they captained Sergio over that Harry Kane bloke. I’m not having that prick anywhere near my team this year.

Player of the week – Sergio Aguero – Manchester City – 20 points

This year’s Kane? Blanks then hat tricks. Then blanks. Then hat tricks. As long as it’s alternate weeks. Given the run of fixtures City have, it could be every week. They don’t get tough till October. The run till then sees them take on the other five promoted teams of the last two seasons.

Bargain of the week – Neil Etheridge – Cardiff City – 16 points

The goalkeeper no-one wanted. The goalkeeper with twice as many points as pretty much every other keeper. How long can that last? As long as Cardiff keep conceding penalties – it can last forever.

Twat of the week – Terence Kongolo – Huddersfield Town – -3 points

Huddersfield started last season with a run of clean sheets. Although that was never likely to happen coming up against Chelsea and City in their first two games, it looks like, with nine goals conceded, that they’re the team to avoid for defensive options. Five of the seven defenders that have turned out for them so far this season still haven’t made it past 0 points. Three of them have minus scores. One of them is Terence Kongolo.

Goal of the week – Will Hughes.

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