Gameweek 25 results

1  up But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
91 1572
2  up Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
96 1558
3  same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
92 1557
4  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
61 1546
5  up Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
93 1501
6  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
111 1482
7  up Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
120 1476
8  same Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
80 1476
9  down FTM
Stu Smith
60 1473
10  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
56 1458
11  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
52 1447
12  up King raggg
Steven Darling
99 1444
13  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
47 1441
14  same Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
70 1429
15  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
52 1428
16  down SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
65 1425
17  down Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
62 1411
18  up Cookie fc
Peter Cook
79 1397
19  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
92 1392
20  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
70 1386
21  same Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
67 1377
22  up Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
84 1376
23  up Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
80 1372
24  up Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
96 1362
25  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
90 1361
26  down RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
39 1358
27  down Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
50 1344
28  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
78 1343
29  down PenshawPerformers
david bruce
46 1328
30  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
47 1327
31  up Morningblues
Jeff Morning
67 1322
32  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
75 1321
33  up Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
84 1311
34  same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
62 1310
35  up El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
94 1309
36  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
56 1304
37  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
74 1297
38  up The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
87 1297
39  same Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
68 1296
40  down Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
66 1295
41  down QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
52 1284
42  down Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
37 1277
43  up ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
76 1274
44  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
62 1270
45  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
106 1267
46  same Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
73 1234
47  down It’s coming home
scott mcgow
53 1221
48  up Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
84 1208
49  down Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
49 1195
50  down The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
41 1170
51  same Ross’s champions
darren frankland
80 1089

 

Buckets Cup preliminary round

The first round draw for the Buckets Cup is now complete. Click the cup link to view it. In the preliminary round, our bottom side Ross’s Champions had an easy victory over Your Ad Here to progress. They’ll now face last year’s winners, Puddle Splash Van. Spare a thought for Nashton Villa, who despite coming out of the double gameweek with 92 points, came up against the near perfect 120 points gained by Shoelace. I think in real life scoring that’s a 7-6.

Manager of the week – Caroline Strong – Shoelace Untied – 120 points

A bumper score thanks to the right double gameweek picks and the added bonus of just about every other team member contributing something. It doesn’t get any smoother than that. If you’re going to pick double gameweekers you may as well pick the two highest scoring and then captain one of them. There were plenty of other big scores around, most of whom had Aguero, but adding Laporte to the mix was the cherry on the cake. And if you captained Sane who was hauled off after 59 minutes of the Everton game – I feel your pain.

Player of the week – Aymeric Laporte – Manchester City – 20 points

He was always likely to get the most minutes of any outfield player, having played just about every game of the Premier League season so far. He’s had many more minutes than any of his outfield team mates in sky blue. The other nailed on double starter was Ederson. I’m sure most owners would have settled for one clean sheet – the City defence haven’t been the most watertight recently. But to return a goal, an assist, a clean sheet and three bonus points is the stuff of dreams.

Bargain of the week – Jeffrey Schlupp – Crystal Palace – 14 points

Schglup is listed as a defender but when he has played he’s played up top. Wilfried Zaha is back for the next game so this is probably a one game burst for him.

Twat of the week – Mathias Jorgensen – Huddersfield – 0 points

Huddersfield were so crap this week they shipped five and didn’t pick up a single booking. Meaning their most owned and most expensive defender carries the can of the weekly twat. Next time you ship five, at least give someone a kick and look as if you care.

Goal of the week – Andre Gomes. 

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Gameweek 6 results

1  up But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
71 429
2  down Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
65 428
3  up King raggg
Steven Darling
76 395
4  up Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
61 387
5  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
61 386
6  same SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
59 385
7  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
58 385
8  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
54 381
9  down Cookie fc
Peter Cook
40 367
10  up Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
72 366
11  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
70 364
12  up RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
65 362
13  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
53 362
14  down Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
50 362
15  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
58 359
16  up Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
71 358
17  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
35 355
18  down QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
48 349
19  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
53 347
20  down Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
48 345
21  up Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
59 341
22  same Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
54 340
23  down PenshawPerformers
david bruce
46 339
24  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
50 337
25  down Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
48 336
26  same CAS Vampire Slayers
Mustafa khan
58 335
27  same Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
56 332
28  same FTM
Stu Smith
60 331
29  up Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
68 327
30  same Morningblues
Jeff Morning
58 322
31  up ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
65 320
32  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
61 319
33  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
62 316
34  down Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
53 315
35  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
58 314
36  up Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
61 313
37  down Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
49 312
38  down Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
58 310
39  up Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
77 304
39  same Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
54 304
41  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
79 301
42  down Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
59 296
43  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
52 289
44  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
63 288
45  up It’s coming home
scott mcgow
72 285
46  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
48 283
47  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
50 278
48  down The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
57 276
49  up Ross’s champions
darren frankland
60 265
50  down Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
48 261
51  down El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
44 260
52  same Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
54 254

 

 

Top of the league – But Da Pitch Ain’t 1 – Trev Reams – 429 points

Da battle for supremacy between Da Pitch and Perfidious continues with both cruising past da 400 point mark way ahead of anyone else, but it’s da former who have a slender one point advantage after outscoring their rivals this gameweek. Both sit in the top 10,000 overall and both lead the way in the battle for the September manager of the month.

1  same But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
71 218
2  up Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
65 204
3  same SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
59 201
4  up King raggg
Steven Darling
76 193
5  up Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
77 188

However, both have wildcarded, as have Slabhead. Could someone from further back steal ahead and claim the September prize?

Manager of the week – Jaime Nash – Nashton Villa – 79 points

A welcome change in fortunes for last season’s runner up who has jumped almost a million places in the overall game. Disappointingly it only equates to three Buckets positions, but it’s a step in the right direction after having spent the opening weeks struggling to get over average scores and gaining no real boost from an early wildcard in gameweek 3. Villa took an 8 point hit for transfers and two of the three new boys returned 9 points – Joe Hart and James Maddison. Goals from Salah (c), Kane and Aguero, and clean sheets and bonuses from double-barreled full backs topped the total up nicely.

Player of the week – Joel Matip – Liverpool – 15 points

It wasn’t Ryan Fraser, the most transferred in player. He continued that curse by winding up on the end of a 4-0 thumping at the hands of the league’s bottom club. Thanks Ryan. After a few near misses a Liverpool player has finally found their place on the honours board. Matip completed a near clean sweep of defensive points. He was only missing the assist. And you can bag him for less than £5 million.

Bargain of the week – Ashley Barnes – Burnley – 12 points

Burnley finally have a win on the board and a second clean sheet to add to the one they picked up in gameweek 1. Their season appears to have started now the international break has passed and their European adventure has come to a premature end. A lot of their players suffered price drops through those opening weeks, Barnes being one of them. If their season is going to pick up, maybe he and one or two others will come on to our radar. It was his scoring prowess off the bench last season that eventually earned him more starts and he became a useful third striker to own.

Twat of the week – Wesley Hoedt – Southampton – -1 points

It probably should be a Cardiff player who are now shipping goals as we expected them to – four last week and five in this. Wesley Hoedt decided he’d score an own goal in a 3-0 defeat, which doesn’t do much for your fantasy cred.

Goal of the week – Joao Moutinho.

Season review

1  same The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
84 2289
2  same Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
65 2253
3  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
67 2251
4  same Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
67 2250
5  same FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
86 2245
6  same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
65 2216
7  same Hornets
Andrew Wade
76 2215
8  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
74 2193
9  down Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
52 2184
10  up It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
66 2156
11  up Rico united
JASON REACHER
71 2155
12  up The winnings R mine
david bruce
71 2148
13  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
51 2139
14  down Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
34 2134
15  up Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
73 2133
16  same Queen of the north
DORINE REACHER
55 2125
17  down Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
54 2125
18  same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
60 2108
19  same Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
54 2103
20  up We are Ayling
Paul Murray
68 2095
21  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
88 2094
22  up Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
66 2089
23  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
53 2089
24  down Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
58 2082
25  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
48 2078
26  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
55 2073
27  up Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
87 2072
28  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
85 2065
29  down To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
69 2061
30  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
84 2061
31  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
55 2052
32  up King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
80 2050
33  same mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
70 2048
34  down Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
43 2035
35  same Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
57 2021
36  same blakes11
Steven Darling
54 1998
37  same musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
52 1995
38  same Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
58 1983
39  same FTM
Stu Smith
55 1980
40  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
85 1918
41  down iamgroot
scott mcgow
56 1903
42  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
66 1898
43  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
69 1896
44  down cookster fc
Peter Cook
50 1895
45  same disco dancer
darren frankland
61 1879
46  same Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
52 1848
47  same Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
59 1829
48  same Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
50 1799
49  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
50 1752
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
71 1653

 

Winners – The Vinegar Pissers 

The third manager to pick up their second title scoring the second highest finishing total. The Vinegar Pissers only spent six weeks outside of our top 10, first taking root in GW5. They did drop to the depths of 11th and 12th, before permanently floating around 6th until gameweek 29, when a manager of the week performance saw them rise to third. Then GW31 – only four games – but a Mohamed Salah masterclass and everybody’s posting 100+ totals and challenging for the highest weekly score prize. The VP’s kicked arse with 124 points from eight players, 58 of which came from Salah. That put them at the top of the league and that’s where they stayed – and in truth, no-one really got that close to them. Congratulations to the Pissers. They got as high as 8,202nd in the world, never took more than a four point hit, played their triple captain and bench boost in the run in and utilised their free hit well, picking up a good score with it and a green arrow just before Christmas. Interestingly, they played their wildcards at almost the earliest possibly opportunity on both occasions. Proving that there is still no logic to this game and it’s all complete luck.

Runners up – Nashton Villa, Edgbaston and Despicable Mee 

Our Champions League qualifiers all had similar seasons, making their surge into the top ten and then the top four at around the same time. It was during March that they all lost ground on the VPs and were left desperately trying to claw back the points lost during gameweeks 29 and 31 – the two weeks that definitely won the VP’s that manager of the month, and arguably won them the league. It was a superb debut season for Nashton who reached their highest worldwide position after GW37, but were unable to continue the rise and challenge for the top spot. They would have had to surpass the 100 point mark in GW38 to knock our champions off their perch.

Edgbaston have finally crept into our top four after two consecutive 5th place finishes, despite finishing lower in the world rankings than in both of their last two attempts. And fourth placed Despicable Mee are regressing. Two consecutive runners up placings and now fourth place. Once always the bridesmaid – now a distant uncle only invited because they had a space to fill. In all seriousness – if one of these two doesn’t win this title soon, I’d be very surprised.

The rest

There were valiant efforts by two former champs who just ran out of steam at the last knockings – FC Caligula and The Craggy Islanders finished 5th and 6th respectively. We’re sure to see them in the running next season. Hornets, a total rookie FPL debutant, who were top every week bar three between gameweeks 2 and 29, finished in a respectable 7th. By gameweek 16 they had climbed to 1,663rd in the world, as high (possibly) as any Buckets manager has been, but they peaked too early. Better understanding of the chips and when to play them might serve them better next season. The rest of us – probably got stung by Harry Kane once too often, and only realised when it was too late that they should have had Mo Salah as captain EVERY WEEK.

The awards

We had more managers of the week scoring 100+ scores than in any previous season. The Vinegar Pissers’ 124 point score was the second highest weekly winning score, but falls way behind their own record set in the 2013-2014 season when they managed 165 points in a week in which virtually everybody passed the 100 point barrier following a mammoth double gameweek. That same season produced the highest winning finishing score in our league of 2356 points. Despite there being more 100+ weekly winners in this season, The VPs finished 67 points behind that total. It’s worth noting that the 124 points scored in GW31 was done so from only four games. Another thirteen of our fifty teams passed the century mark that week. And most of them were only fielding bit part teams.

We had ten different managers of the month, six managers taking two weekly accolades, but only one, The bloody Vinegar Pissers, managing three highest weekly scores. Shoelace Untied took the December prize, accumulating 477 points for the month – the highest ever monthly total.

The players

We may have fallen just short of breaking our manager records this season, but the reason we got so close was largely due to one player – Mohamed Salah. He became the first player to pass 300 points for the season. No-one else came close – which may explain why we didn’t quite eclipse the higher scores from four years ago. Back then, in the ‘Suarez’ season, there was a great supporting cast, with the likes of Daniel Sturridge, Steven Gerrard, Raheem Sterling, Robin Van Persie, Yaya Toure and Eden Hazard all scoring big, playing consistently and featuring in a lot of teams. This season only Harry Kane, Sterling and Kevin De Bruyne passed the 200 point mark. Despite Kane running Salah (fairly) close in the golden boot chase, he was still close to 100 points behind. Which says more about the frustrating, annoying, inconsistent, trolling season the Spurs striker had. Nowt for weeks then just when you get sick of it all three frickin’ hat tricks…or whatever it was. Dickhead. Still – he’ll be in from the start next season.

Kane picked up more player of the week awards (three) than anyone else. Salah, who only scored more than anyone else once throughout the whole season, was much more consistent. A goal every week rather than three and a gap. And lets mention GW31 again – 29 points – the highest ever single match gameweek score. Sergio Aguero, Heung-Min Son and Marko Arnautovic were the only other players to get two player of the week awards. Tottenham won the award six times ahead of Chelsea with five, and then perhaps surprisingly, Manchester City, with only four winners. Ayoze Perez, Federico Fernandez and Callum Wilson showed up on the bargain list more than once and Newcastle appeared to be the best go-to cheapo team, winning the award five times over the course of the season. Watford were king of the twats offering up six ‘worst of the week’, with Jose Holebas winning the award twice. Jack Stephens also won it twice – and in consecutive weeks, so well done to him. Manchester City did dominate the goal of the week contenders with eight wins, but anyone who tells you that Jamie Vardy’s over the shoulder volley against West Brom in GW30 isn’t the goal of the season, is some kind of goon.

Debatable team of the season

  • GK – David De Gea – 172 points

No arguments here, although Lorus Karius did pick up more points per match of all keepers playing more than 10 games. Karius and Mignolet played half a season each – 19 games a piece. Mignolet scored on average 1.1 points per game less and kept three less clean sheets – although still 7 out of 19 which is pretty respectable.

  • DR – Cesar Azpilicueta – 175 points
  • DL – Marcos Alonso – 165 points
  • DC – Nicolas Otamendi – 156 points
  • DC – Jan Vertonghen – 138 points

Antonio Valencia, Ben Davies and Kyle Walker all scored more than Vertonghen, but none are central defenders. In the favoured three at the back, you’d probably have to drop Alonso. He hasn’t scored enough to warrant his usual left wing back position ahead of the highest scoring midfielders either…coming up next. Andrew Robertson missed 16 games and Phil Jones missed 15 games, but both beat all of the above, other than Alonso, in points per game. Jones managed 15 clean sheets in his 23 games. Basically – if he didn’t play – United usually conceded.

  • DM – Luca Milivojevic – 144 points
  • CM – Kevin De Bruyne – 209 points
  • AM – Mohamed Salah – 303 points
  • AM – Raheem Sterling – 229 points
  • AM – Christian Eriksen – 199 points

Obviously, this is where it all gets a bit ‘debatable’. No real team is complete without some kind of defensive holding player, so when you see the PFA team of the year, and it’s basically a goalkeeper and 10 attackers, you do wonder if they ever really watch the game. But then if you were going to stick a defensive midfielder in there, you wouldn’t necessarily be basing their inclusion on their fantasy points total, seeing as how nothing they do is ever taken into consideration when the scores are totted up. You’d just pick N’Golo Kante and move on wouldn’t you? Milivojevic is definitely worth a mention though. Arguably the most reliable penalty taker in the league, double figures for goals and in the top 10 for bonuses.

  • CF – Harry Kane – 217 points

His best goalscoring season but not his his best fantasy season. Too many braces and hat tricks, if their can be such a thing, and not enough consistency. Kane would go missing for weeks, but then burst back into life racking up the highest bonus score too. It was all about catching him on a good day. He blanked in 19 gameweeks – half a season. Salah failed to score anything other than appearance points in only 10 games. Aguero, and latterly, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, finished the season with more points per match. There’s your front three for August.

 

 

Player awards

Gameweek 34 results

1  same The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
106 2069
2  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
107 2008
3  down Hornets
Andrew Wade
74 1985
4  up Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
91 1984
5  down Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
76 1982
6  down Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
81 1981
7  same FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
105 1980
8  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
99 1969
9  up greenyteamy
adam greenwood
78 1940
10  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
112 1938
11  down Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
69 1933
12  same Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
83 1928
13  same The winnings R mine
david bruce
80 1925
14  down Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
65 1922
15  down Queen of the north
DORINE REACHER
82 1916
16  down Rico united
JASON REACHER
83 1908
17  same Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
63 1889
18  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
113 1885
19  same We are Ayling
Paul Murray
93 1882
20  same It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
73 1879
21  down Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
57 1872
22  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
72 1870
23  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
74 1866
24  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
73 1852
25  same Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
83 1845
26  same Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
81 1837
27  down Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
89 1837
28  up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
91 1834
29  same Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
75 1823
30  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
64 1818
31  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
82 1812
32  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
75 1807
33  up mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
70 1800
34  down Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
56 1799
35  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
52 1797
36  same musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
64 1791
37  same FTM
Stu Smith
73 1785
38  same King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
93 1783
39  same blakes11
Steven Darling
80 1757
40  up cookster fc
Peter Cook
68 1717
41  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
73 1707
42  down iamgroot
scott mcgow
54 1705
43  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
78 1693
44  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
49 1687
45  same Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
82 1672
46  same Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
69 1648
47  same disco dancer
darren frankland
90 1645
48  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
61 1572
49  same Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
72 1552
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
73 1449

 

Manager of the week – Kebab Eaters United – Paul Howard – 113 points

Only five 100+ scores in what was an underwhelming double gameweek. The highest scorers averaged not much more than what you’d expect from a single gameweek; and rotation, as it always does, reared it’s annoying, ugly head. Most managers played the week as best they could, utilising their bench boosts and triple captains, and most topped the worldwide average of 64 points, which is the highest of the season so far. The best Buckets team were the Kebab Eaters. Their 113 points was enough to climb them six places and within sight of the top 10. They bench boosted with Chris Smalling, Pascal Gross, Romelu Lukaku and Luca Milivojevic all among their XV.

The Vinegar Pissers stretched their lead at the top to 61 points and have gone top 10,000 in the world. They also topped the century mark. As did The Craggy Islanders, who are now in second, and FC Caligula, who now sit seventh. And like a Grand National finish, the favourites are taking their positions and getting ready to pounce in the final furlongs. Despicable Mee also rose another two places into fourth. The chipless Hornets dropped to third but did well not to lose too much ground and still post a respectable 74 points. Both Nashton and Brexiter, who didn’t use a chip this week, also scored well and despite dropping places aren’t out of the race. They do have one chip left each – their bench boost – surely lined up for GW37. The VPs, the Islanders and Despicable all have their triple captain remaining. But keep an eye on Caligula. They still have their free hit, probably primed for the upcoming week, and their triple captain, again no doubt ready for GW37. Some teams may be a player or two short for the coming week’s reduced schedule – Caligula can pick who they want.

Player of the week – Chris Smalling – 16 points

Man United defenders were always likely to be well positioned to score highly this week with two fixtures against West Brom and Bournemouth. It didn’t start well with a 1-0 loss to the bottom club. That prompted all kinds of unsettling hints from Mourinho about dropping players. Smalling played both games, perhaps underlining the fact he’s as guaranteed a starter as anyone at the moment. He also made up for conceding against West Brom by scoring against Bournemouth, earning back the clean sheet points he should never have lost in the first place.

Bargain of the week – Jan Bednarek – 13 points

Drafted in by Mark Hughes to make his Southampton debut out of sheer desparation – and it paid off – if you’re a fantasy manager and you’d taken the longest punt imaginable and plonked him in your squad. Only 6,000 managers have him in their team in the world and I imagine most of them aren’t playing any more. He may appear in a few more next week as he managed a goal and a clean sheet across his double gameweek appearances. He could come in very useful come GW37 when Saints play twice again and you want to save some money.

Twat of the week – Wayne Hennessey – 0 points

One of those weeks where no-one really earned the wooden spoon award. Hennessey conceded two and picked up a yellow, so he’s the worse player you could have picked. Palace don’t really keep clean sheets, so more fool you if you thought they would in this relegation scrap against their so called derby rivals.

Goal of the week – Any Carroll. 

Another double gameweek let down – given the amount of games you’d have expected at least one screamer. This was the best of a pretty lame bunch. 2m29s

Gameweek 13 results

1  same Hornets
Andrew Wade
53 791
2  up Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
62 765
3  up Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
65 748
4  down Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
35 745
5  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
49 737
6  same Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
44 726
7  up Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
60 718
8  same The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
46 717
9  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
54 717
10  up Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
64 715
11  down The winnings R mine
david bruce
33 709
12  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
66 706
13  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
36 701
14  down Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
44 699
15  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
34 699
16  same Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
53 698
17  same It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
47 689
18  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
59 689
19  up King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
54 674
20  up Queen of the north
DORINE REACHER
62 673
21  down Rico united
JASON REACHER
38 673
22  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
45 671
23  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
52 664
24  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
48 662
25  down musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
35 660
26  down Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
41 657
27  down Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
34 657
28  down Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
40 656
29  same Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
49 654
30  same Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
53 654
31  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
57 649
31  same romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
50 649
33  down Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
51 648
34  down cookster fc
Peter Cook
49 645
35  up We are Ayling
Paul Murray
50 642
36  up mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
51 642
37  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
52 637
38  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
56 635
39  same To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
48 634
40  down Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
34 628
41  up FTM
Stu Smith
48 628
42  down Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
31 626
43  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
34 620
44  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
58 614
45  up Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
66 598
46  up iamgroot
scott mcgow
51 593
47  down Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
37 592
48  down blakes11
Steven Darling
36 585
49  same disco dancer
darren frankland
52 549
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
41 486

 

Manager of the week – Ian Williams – Emergency Gap Jumper – 66 points

Two managers finished the week on 66 points but it was the Emergency Gap Jumpers who claim the weekly honours by virtue of scoring one more goal than The Craggy Islanders. Their four goals came from Mohamed Salah, Raheem Sterling, Sergio Aguero and Harry Kane – who, in the week when the majority ditched him as their go to captain, finally came good. Neither team have put themselves into contention for the November manager of the month. That still looks like a race between Greenyteamy and Nashton Villa, although a strong gameweek from Atletico Chappers has moved them to within striking distance.

1  same greenyteamy
adam greenwood
49 220
2  same Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
53 215
3  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
59 202
4  down mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
51 196
5  same Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
62 191

At the top of the overall league, Hornets remain the team to catch – as they have done all season. The gap back to Fun Lovren Criminals stands at 34 points. Last year’s runners up, Despicable Mee, since gameweek 8, have moved from 19th to 15th to 11th to 8th to 5th – and now into third – and look set for another title challenge.

Player of the week – Marvin Zeegelaar – 14 points

Assisted two of Watford’s goals against Newcastle in only his second appearance for the club. He didn’t have a bad first week either getting clean sheet and bonus points in the victory over West Ham. There are lots of temptingly cheap Watford options springing up at the moment. Last week, Will Hughes, in only his second start, almost took the bargain award, and he added another eight points to his total this week. Interestingly, Watford have scored at least twice in every away game they’ve played this season. And I bet most managers would back the home defence for a clean sheet against them in most weeks. Don’t.

Bargain of the week – Charlie Austin – 13 points

There was little action on the striker front this week with only Austin bagging more than one goal. It’s his first start of the season after having only made a few minutes worth of substitute appearances in recent weeks. Saints had only scored four goals from open play before the weekend. If Austin can steer clear of the treatment room and cement a starting berth he should add to that total.

Twat of the week – Rajiv Van La Parra – -1 points

Waited until after the final whistle to engage in a bit of handbags with Leroy Sane, who can probably consider himself fortunate not to have a similar ban looming. With the amount of big point scoring midfielders active in the game at the moment we could do with the odd ban and/or injury being thrown in just to narrow down the choices a little bit.

Goal of the week – Xherdan Shaqiri.

Usually pops up with a few wonder goals per season (and little else). No vid though?!