Gameweek 4 results

September 3, 2018

1  same Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
64 288
2  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
45 271
3  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
48 268
4  up But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
56 267
5  up King raggg
Steven Darling
61 263
6  up Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
52 262
7  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
44 262
8  up Cookie fc
Peter Cook
55 259
9  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
50 257
10  up Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
53 253
11  down PenshawPerformers
david bruce
24 252
12  up Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
57 252
13  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
46 251
14  down Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
36 249
15  down Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
48 249
16  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
43 244
17  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
48 241
18  up Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
47 240
19  up Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
51 240
58 238
Adam Burnett
52 236
22  up Kompany & Co
52 236
45 235
24  down Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
53 235
25  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
53 234
26  up FTM
Stu Smith
53 230
26  up Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
53 230
28  down CAS Vampire Slayers
Mustafa khan
40 229
29  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
26 226
30  up Morningblues
Jeff Morning
59 224
31  down Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
36 218
32  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
38 215
33  down Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
46 214
34  up Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
48 213
35  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
60 211
36  up Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
46 209
37  up Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
53 207
38  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
41 206
39  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
34 199
40  same Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
42 199
41  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
52 198
42  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
36 193
43  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
44 186
44  down El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
20 185
45  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
46 183
46  down It’s coming home
scott mcgow
33 180
47  down Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
40 180
48  down Ross’s champions
darren frankland
54 176
49  down Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
34 172
50  down The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
31 169
51  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
32 166
52  same Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
45 161


Manager of the week – Perfidious Albion – Andrew Swift – 64 points

Two MOTW awards and one MOTM in the opening four gameweeks and into the top 30,000 in the world for Albion. The score could have been so much better with another 12 points possible from their benched players. Albion opted to replace Richarlison with Hazard, which should bode well for future weeks given Chelsea’s fixture run. Hazard has contributed a goal or assist in every game so far which is more impressive when you consider he’s only started two of them. Pretty much everyone else in the world chose to replace Richarlison with Theo Walcott. The curse of the most transferred-in-player strikes again – Walcott limped off before the hour mark and collected only one point. Which is three more than Richarlison did last week, so if you made that move, look at it from that point of view. The expected Aguero double hat trick didn’t materialise either, but at least the assist came which made some scores look more respectable than they otherwise would have been.

Player of the week – Cedric Soares – Southampton – 12 points

His starting value cheapness and the outside chance of some Southampton clean sheets tempted a lot of people in at the season start. But with 2 points in three games and the Saints defence looking pretty porous, many managers were losing interest pretty quickly. Then this.

Bargain of the week – Philip Billing – Huddersfield Town  – 9 points

The most impressive of the £4.5 million midfielders has made four starts, lasted the full 90 in each and now has a goal to his name. Billing is actually the top scoring midfielder in the £5 million and under price bracket with only four other players bettering his total at £5.5 million.

Twat of the week – Marcus Rashford – Manchester United – -2 points

Needs to play more for this to be of any concern to anybody.

Goal of the week – Kyle Walker.

1  same Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
37 228
2  up PenshawPerformers
david bruce
83 228
3  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
51 226
4  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
52 220
5  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
47 218
6  down But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
45 215
7  up Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
65 213
8  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
47 211
9  up Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
53 210
10  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
47 205
10  up Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
50 205
12  up Cookie fc
Peter Cook
83 204
13  down King raggg
Steven Darling
56 202
14  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
42 201
15  down Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
51 200
16  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
67 200
17  down Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
45 195
18  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
66 193
19  down CAS Vampire Slayers
Mustafa khan
35 193
19  down Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
45 193
45 190
22  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
46 189
23  down Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
47 186
24  same SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
45 184
25  down Kompany & Co
42 184
26  up Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
63 182
27  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
38 181
28  down RICO UNITED
35 180
29  up FTM
Stu Smith
64 177
29  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
52 177
31  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
51 177
32  up Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
60 168
33  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
67 165
34  up Morningblues
Jeff Morning
74 165
35  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
47 165
35  down Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
50 165
35  up El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
66 165
38  down Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
50 163
39  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
38 157
40  up Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
59 157
41  up Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
60 154
42  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
45 151
43  down It’s coming home
scott mcgow
46 151
44  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
48 150
45  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
40 146
46  up Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
65 144
47  down Ross’s champions
darren frankland
42 142
48  up Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
50 138
49  up The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
53 138
50  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
43 138
51  down Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
46 137
52  same Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
48 116


August Manager of the Month – Perfidious Albion – Andrew Swift – 228 points 

Holding off a strong challenge from Penshaw Performers, Perfidious Albion claim the August prize, courtesy of scoring thirteen goals to their rivals’ eleven over the course of the month. The Performers jumped from 18th place to almost pip the Albion, who limped home as the third worst scoring team in the league this week. The Performers ignored Richarlison, unlike everybody else, and scored a massive 46 points with their defensive picks. Albion had benefited from Richarlison’s first two gameweeks and the three goals and five bonus points that had convinced the whole world to bring him in to their teams. The 102 point first week score was the perfect start and was the key to them holding on to win the monthly money.

Manager of the week – Cookie FC – Peter Cook – 83 points 

Unluckily for Penshaw they don’t get a weekly winner nod either. They scored the same amount of points as Cookie FC, but again lose out on goals scored. Cookie scored six to Penshaw’s three, as well as also turning in a sound defenseive performance, racking up 40 points from their back five.

Player of the week – Aleksandar Mitrovic – Fulham – 16 points

Fulham were the go-to team of the week and their four goal performance may change a lot of manager’s minds. Most of Fulham’s attacking regulars had begun to see price drops, including goal of the week man, Jean Michael Seri. Mitrovic remained a popular choice and will no doubt attract more buyers following this brace. His performance has seen a price rise and put him at the top of the strikers’ points charts.

Bargain of the week – Luciano Vietto – Fulham – 9 points

Fulham made six changes for the Burnley game, with Vietto surprisingly starting in place of Ryan Sessegnon. The on loan striker justified his pick with assists for both of Mitrovic’s goals. Burnley seem to be finding the Europa League and Thursday/Sunday schedule a tough slog at the moment. They play one Saturday game in the whole of the first two months of the season. And that’ll probably change if they qualify.

Twat of the week – Richarlison – Everton – -2 points

Here he is. The Wan Bissaka sending off was tolerable. He was only £4 million. It was hardly a stress getting him into your team and he’s only banned for one match. But this prick…! I’m so glad I changed my mind at the last minute. Click on any random Bucketeer – four out of five will have him sat there, in the middle of the pitch, with his big red triangle. All for kissing Adam Smith. Seems a bit harsh. But no sooner are we feeling all smug and upbeat about reaping the rewards than we’re wondering why we never looked to the other side of the Everton attack and plumped for Theo Walcott.

Goal of the week – Jean Michael Seri.

Clean sweep on the top awards for Fulham.


Gameweek 11 preview

November 3, 2016

Bournemouth v Sunderland
Burnley v Crystal Palace
Man City v Middlesbrough
West Ham v Stoke
Chelsea v Everton
Arsenal v Spurs
Hull v Southampton
Liverpool v Watford
Swansea v Man Utd
Leicester v West Brom

I guess by now we’ve all realised how good Chelsea are at the back, playing this 3-4-3 system. But are we four games too late? There’s not really a cheap way into the Cheslea back line. Any squad surgery you’re thinking of carrying out will probably need to come at a cost, unless you’ve got money in the bank – or Antonio Valencia. Chelsea’s immediate run of fixtures may look hard, but you should definitely consider doing your Christmas shopping down the Kings Road.

From December the 11th, they take on West Brom, Sunderland, Palace, Bournemouth and Stoke in successive weeks. Now consider the possibility of them keeping their defensive form in two of the four games they face against Everton, Middlesbrough, Spurs and City until then. Maybe it’s worth investing in the defence now before those £6 million price tags become slightly less affordable £6.2’s and £6.3’s. 

Marcos Alonso, a defender starting as a midfielder, is a tempter. As is Victor Moses, who has cemented a place as a right wing back, contributing 21 points in the four game run and costing you only £5.5 million. He’s filling the role of an elite midfielder at a bargain price.

And then there’s Eden bloody Hazard. First he’s hot. Then he’s not. It’s difficult to trust him given the guff he produced last season. However, it’s three goals in the last three games plus an assist and three bonus points. Other managers fancy him – in the last week he’s dramatically jumped back up to £10 million from £9.8 million. Here’s a stat attack – at this point last season there had been 19 penalties awarded. So far this season there have been 33. Hazard takes penalties. Hazard’s problem is his price tag and the sheer amount of choice among the other elite teams. It would mean taking a punt on dropping a Liverpool, Arsenal or City midfielder. Walcott’s injury and Sterling’s dip in form might tempt you that way.

But why venture into a team with a tricky fixture run when you’ve got Ilkay Gundogan? Middlesbrough, Palace and Burnley await Manchester City, who silenced any doubters in the best way possible by beating Barcelona in midweek, thanks in no small part to Gundogan. WHO WILL COST YOU £5.5 MILLION. The only question mark is whether he’ll be occasionally rested, having come back from such a serious injury. That might happen – but four goals in two game must nail him a start on Saturday.

Gameweek 7 preview

September 30, 2016

Everton v Crystal Palace
Swansea v Liverpool
Hull v Chelsea
Sunderland v West Brom
Watford v Bournemouth
West Ham v Middlesbrough
Man Utd v Stoke
Leicester v Southampton
Spurs v Man City
Burnley v Arsenal

Last week Rico United posted the highest weekly score of the season so far in the Buckets League with 87 points. It also helped them to the September manager of the month award. Their gameweek six score was achieved by loading the midfield full of high scoring elite big hitters and reducing the spending on the other three areas of the team. Overloading the attack is outdated – there simply aren’t enough quality attackers in the league to justify the outlay.

Look at the starting prices of the midfield compared to the attackers. Look at the current points standings. Midfielders rule. Pep Guardiola has been quoted as saying that ideally he’d play every game with 11 midfielders. Last weekend Liverpool fielded nine midfielders in one match – with seven of them starting. Eight Spurs midfielders collected points, and over at Arsenal, seven took to the field at some point during their victory over Chelsea. Who are the top four? City, Spurs, Arsenal and Liverpool. Who are the league’s top scorers? City, Spurs Arsenal and Liverpool.

The best possible team you could have put out last week would have scored you 141 points. With five midfielders – three from Liverpool and one each from Spurs and Arsenal.

The problem is picking five from the multitude of options available. Particularly at Arsenal and Liverpool, who are both playing with false number 9’s. Alexis Sanchez playing through the middle for the Gunners has opened the door for Theo Walcott to become a regular again. Surprisingly, he’s only sitting on £7.6 million, having started on £7.5, which is Walcott’s lowest starting price since 2010. You feel it’s only a matter of time until Mesut Ozil gets going again now he’s posted his first double figure total of the season.

Roberto Firmino operates as the centre forward for Liverpool with Sadio Mane, Philippe Coutinho and Adam Lallana buzzing in and around him. James Milner might be the most tempting. He may be filling in at left back, but he’s on penalty duty and will only set you back £6.5 million.

And it’s Arsenal and Liverpool that have the most favourable run of fixtures as we hit October. In fact, other than their home tie against Manchester United next weekend, Liverpool’s next ten games through to mid December look too good to ignore.

1 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 57 2,175
2 Pescara Rangers Stewart Pope 45 2,123
3 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 33 2,114
4 NaboombuDirtyYellows Andrew Swift 57 2,112
5 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 36 2,061
6 RayCrawfordsCrackers Rob Hewer 44 2,051
7 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 63 2,049
8 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 45 2,045
9 Gaalatcticos Colin Goulding 53 2,039
10 * Your Ad Here * Matthew Hopkins 44 2,037
11 Van Damme United P Hawkins 42 2,021
12 Paris Spinks Germain David Spinks 52 2,003
13 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 26 1,993
14 Ciderheads Darren Pope 33 1,966
15 Who R U DEAN CRIPPS 45 1,953
16 Accrington Rudyard Ian Williams 41 1,939
17 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 47 1,903
18 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 50 1,901
19 Biscuitmen Chris Morton 33 1,881
20 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 59 1,876
21 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 47 1,837
22 Get to the choppa Mark Bromham 40 1,834
23 Real Jorvik FC Simon Brown 45 1,830
24 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 45 1,788
25 Luxembourg United Simon Smallbone 32 1,758
26 No Recognized Plan Paul Bentz 41 1,744
27 Sportingabiggerwig Alex Ritchie 39 1,723
28 Crazylegs XI David Caldicott 32 1,617
29 Jordie’s Giants Jordan Raper 21 1,357


A  typically ridiculous last day of the season. Some teams scored lots of goals. Some players scored lots of points, most of whom are nowhere near anyone’s fantasy squads. Of the players who made the weekly dream team line up, only Santi Cazorla appears among the season’s top points scorers. The last Arsenal payer you want scoring a hat trick is Theo Walcott – but he did – and from warming the bench and the treatment table all season has potentially played himself into contention for an FA Cup final start.

Our last weekly winners are Bermie United. Fittingly, their 63 points also secured the May manager of the month award. They didn’t make any transfers this week – they didn’t need to – they’ve been on a steady rise for the last couple of weeks. They’ve climbed 200,000 places in the overall game since gameweek 34, and finish in 7th overall.

1 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 63 279
2 Paris Spinks Germain David Spinks 52 263
3 NaboombuDirtyYellows Andrew Swift 57 262
4 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 57 235
5 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 45 231
6 Gaalatcticos Colin Goulding 53 229


In the race for the title, Neil Madrid hit a steady 57 points to secure the trophy with room to spare. The battle for the runners up spot went to Pescara who leapfrogged Hedgehog Corpse. Hedgehog nearly slipped to fourth behind Naboombu’s, who would have pinched third had they made Moussa Sissoko or Phil Jones their captain. But who in their right mind would have done that?

Player of the week – Theo Walcott – 20 points. Only his fourth start of the season

Bargain of the week – Mame Biram Diouf – 16 points. Finishes as Stoke’s top scoring player.

Donkey of the week – Marouane Fellaini – -2 points. Trying his hardest to keep Hull up.

Goal of the week – Jack Wilshere. Screamer. 1m46s.



Eden Hazard finishes as top player. He played every game, and pretty much every minute, scoring more bonus points than anybody else by some distance, yet interestingly never picked up a player of the week award. The best bargain player by some distance was Harry Kane. He’ll still only set you back £6 million. It did get as high as £6.5 but has dropped after a quiet few weeks. Burnley keeper, Tom Heaton, is the best value for money player. Ten clean sheets might be unprecedented by a relegated keeper. This includes three in his last three games – since they were relegated. Heaton is also one of six keepers to have saved more than one penalty this season. He also comes in at fourth in the overall saves table behind Fabianski, Adrian and Rob Green. Proving again that the more shots you’re likely to have to save – the better fantasy keeper you are.

Alexis Sanchez’s value increased the most over the season – by £1.1 million. Harry Kane’s had got to a £1.5 million increase before his recent slump. Hazard’s had increased to £1.4 million only two weeks ago. He played at the weekend, but most managers had shipped him out after reading the reports of his wonky wisdom teeth. Nathaniel Clyne and Stewart Downing had both increased in value by £1.2 million at various points of the season. Southampton, on the whole, offered up the best value for money players. Had you ignored the early season pundit predictions that they’d struggle, and picked three of Clyne, Ryan Bertrand, Jose Fonte, Fraser Forster or Graziano Pelle, you’d have got off to a blinding start. Don’t expect them to be so cheap next season.

RayCrawfordsCrackers unsurprisingly tinkered their way to the most manager of the week awards this season. They finished the week with the highest score six times, one less that the record they set last year. Shoelace were the only team to take more than one monthly award, winning the prize in October and March. The player of the week awards were much more evenly spread than last year. I’d be surprised if anyone beat Luis Suarez’s record of five from last season. Harry Kane finished as the highest scorer on three occassions.

Yannick Bolasie hit the highest weekly score of 24 points in gameweek 32 – a hat trick, an assist and all bonus marks against Sunderland. In gamweek 31 Christian Beneteke equalled the highest score up until that point with 23 points – a total that had already been achieved by Dusan Tadic in gameweek 8 – also against Sunderland. Also in gameweek 31, Charlie Austin bagged 21 points – our highest bargain player score. Unsurprisingly, gameweek 31produced our highest team score – 119 points by Pescara – who had both Benteke (c) and Austin in their team. Sergio Aguero and Sadio Mane, in gameweeks 36 and 37 respectively also posted 23 point weekly scores.

Sunderland’s Santiago Vergini hit the depths with a -4 weekly score in their 8-0 drubbing at the hands of Southampton. This included a cracking og that would easily be up for goal of the season, had it not been for the fact he volleyed it into the roof of his own net. Hull and Everton served up the most donkeys with four each. Kyle Naughton was our only double donkey this season whilst playing for Spurs. He now plays for Swansea.

Team of the season

  • GK – Lukasz Fabianski – Swansea City – 151 points
  • DR – Branislav Ivanovic – Chelsea – 171 points
  • DL – Ryan Bertrand – Southampton – 140 points
  • DC – John Terry – Chelsea – 170 points
  • DC – Phil Jagielka – Everton – 142 points
  • MR – Alexis Sanchez – Arsenal – 207 points
  • ML – Eden Hazard – Chelsea – 233 points
  • CM – David Silva – Manchester City – 191 points
  • CM – Santi Cazorla – Arsenal – 168 points
  • AT – Sergio Aguero – Manchester City – 216 points
  • AT – Harry Kane – Tottenham Hotspur – 191 points

Bargains of the season (with season starting value)

  • GK – Tom Heaton – Burnley – 150 points – £4.5 million
  • DR – Nathaniel Clyne – Southampton – 142 points – £5 million
  • DL – Neil Taylor – Swansea City – 109 points – £4.5 million
  • DC – Joleon Lescott – West Bromwich Albion – 127 points – £5 million
  • DC – Ashley Williams – Swansea City – 118 points – £5 million
  • MR – Nacer Chadli – Tottenham Hotspur – 160 points – £6 million
  • ML – Stewart Downing – West Ham United – 160 points – £5.5 million
  • MC – Gylfi Sigurdsson – Swansea City – 154 points – £6 million
  • MC – Ki Sung-Yeung – Swansea City – 129 points – £5 million
  • AT – Charlie Austin –  Queens Park Rangers – 176 points – £6 million
  • AT – Graziano Pelle – Southampton – 149 points – £7.5 million


That’s it. Seventy odd days till we start again. Check the Roll of Honour and Prize Money links for full season breakdown. I’ll be in touch with the winners regarding payment of prize money over the next few days.

Well done everyone.


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