Gameweek 29 results

March 4, 2019

1  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
49 1797
2  down But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
45 1795
3  same Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
44 1782
4  same Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
58 1753
5  same Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
44 1725
6  up Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
52 1687
7  same FTM
Stu Smith
40 1681
8  down INIT FC
Mustafa khan
32 1679
9  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
63 1659
10  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
42 1642
11  up Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
52 1640
12  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
51 1630
13  same Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
34 1622
14  down King raggg
Steven Darling
35 1621
15  up Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
57 1609
16  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
61 1602
17  up Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
42 1593
18  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
31 1591
19  same RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
36 1585
20  down SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
29 1582
21  up Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
43 1566
22  same Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
40 1564
23  up Cookie fc
Peter Cook
50 1560
24  down Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
22 1560
25  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
57 1553
26  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
48 1551
27  same Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
45 1534
28  same Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
57 1532
29  up Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
61 1521
30  up PenshawPerformers
david bruce
51 1519
31  same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
45 1511
32  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
35 1505
33  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
47 1503
34  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
30 1499
35  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
27 1497
36  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
31 1493
37  up El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
39 1493
38  down QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
32 1488
39  up Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
59 1482
40  down Morningblues
Jeff Morning
32 1477
41  same romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
48 1477
42  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
30 1470
43  up Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
70 1464
44  up Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
60 1457
45  down Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
47 1452
46  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
27 1446
47  same It’s coming home
scott mcgow
22 1405
48  same Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
51 1378
49  same The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
43 1338
50  same Ross’s champions
darren frankland
53 1294

Buckets Cup semi finals

The 2019 Buckets Cup final will be contested by The Craggy Islanders and Neil Madrid. Both are previous league winners and losing cup finalists, so whoever wins will become just the third team to have won both a Buckets Cup and a Buckets League title. We could even see another double with the Islanders taking their place at the top of the league this week and Neil Madrid closing the gap in fourth place.

Manager of the week – Drop It Like It’s Hart – Jason Earwicker – 70 points

Another relatively low scoring week on the whole. Two missed penalties by PEA and Paul Pogba may have affected some final totals. Bad if you had both. Double bad if you stuck the armband on one of them. Pogba particularly was a popular choice for captain. I don’t think any of us were unlucky enough to chance the triple captain. Drop It’s 70 points contained a 25 point West Ham contribution. Is that part of a strategy working towards the blank in which the Hammers are one of the ten teams with a game?

Player of the week – Declan Rice West Ham United – 15 points

There aren’t many players who have ended the gameweek as the highest scorer on two occasions. Who’d have thought a West Ham defender would achieve that feat, particularly given their shoddy clean sheet record. Rice’s goal, clean sheet and top bonus against Newcastle matches his performance against Arsenal back in GW22. It’s worth noting in the six intervening games he’s only picked up an additional 10 points.

Bargain of the week – Andreas Periera – Manchester United – 12 points

The second best goal in a game full of cracking goals and an assist to one of Romelu Lukaku’s double and, given the lengthy Old Trafford injury list, we have a £4.5 million Manchester United player in with a shout of nailing down a place for the forthcoming double gameweeks.

Twat of the week – Lucas Torriera – Arsenal – -2 points

Not many North London derbies go by without a red card. This time Arsenal’s tenacious Uruguayan midfielder got the early bath – if you can call the 95th minute early. I’m sure most managers will be cursing those penalty misses more.

Goal of the week – Yann Valery

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Gameweek 22 results

January 15, 2019

1  same But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
71 1366
2  same Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
72 1359
3  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
57 1342
4  down Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
49 1339
5  up FTM
Stu Smith
70 1299
6  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
61 1292
7  up Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
64 1290
8  down Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
52 1283
9  same Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
55 1277
10  same Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
52 1269
11  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
53 1268
12  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
69 1264
13  down SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
47 1262
14  down King raggg
Steven Darling
53 1259
15  up Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
61 1244
16  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
45 1229
17  same Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
60 1222
18  same Cookie fc
Peter Cook
55 1212
19  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
61 1207
20  down RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
48 1201
21  down Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
42 1196
22  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
59 1194
23  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
63 1191
24  down Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
52 1190
25  same PenshawPerformers
david bruce
55 1187
26  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
46 1179
27  up Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
59 1177
28  down Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
45 1171
29  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
50 1165
30  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
40 1163
31  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
48 1159
32  down Morningblues
Jeff Morning
35 1151
33  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
53 1143
34  down Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
49 1141
35  up Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
57 1134
36  down Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
48 1130
37  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
82 1125
38  down Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
62 1121
39  same QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
39 1114
40  down El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
37 1113
41  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
40 1108
42  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
60 1107
43  up The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
55 1090
44  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
41 1077
45  up It’s coming home
scott mcgow
65 1070
46  down Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
38 1066
47  same Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
42 1048
48  up Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
62 1035
49  down Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
42 1029
50  same The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
59 1017
51  same Ross’s champions
darren frankland
57 962

 

Manager of the week – Kebab Eaters United – Paul Howard – 82 points

There wasn’t much happening up front this week with just 20 goals scored and seven clean sheets. The biggest scores in the league were created by those with solid defences, not least the Kebab Eaters who amassed 43 points from their back five. The highest scoring being Lucas Digne with 12 points. That’s his third double digit haul in seven weeks – and his fifth attacking return in the same time. He’s Alonso-like in his ability to get forward, find a cross or belt in a free kick. He’s Doherty-like in his price.

Player of the week – Declan Rice – West Ham United – 15 points

Rice is classed as a defender but has been playing as a defensive midfielder. That never guarantees you any points anyway, but in a West Ham team not keeping clean sheets, even on this run of fixtures they’ve had against bottom half teams, purchasing him seems even more pointless, other than to fill a £4.4 million hole. And even if that’s what you are doing, you invariably benched him this weekend anyway, didn’t you?

Bargain of the week – Shane Long – Southampton – 12 points

Shane Long hasn’t scored since the 80’s. Maybe he can grab an opportunity, although it’s likely he’ll become nothing more than bench fodder (like Rice) to free up cash for more big hitters elsewhere. Danny Ings seems to be in and out with injury, Charlie Austin is the same and is misfiring when fit anyway. Under this new manager, who knows? Southampton do seemed to have turned a corner.

Twat of the week – Willy Boly – Wolverhampton Wanderers – -3 points

A week of close games and few goals until the last offering on Monday night when Wolves made a tricky task twice as hard by having a defender sent off after just 19 minutes. Are City back. So many managers ditched their prize assets after that run of three defeats in four. Since then they’ve beaten Liverpool and scored 19 goals in three games. Time to draft them all back in again.

Goal of the week – Andre Schurrle. He likes a shot. Finally one of them has gone in.

Gameweek 17 results

December 17, 2018

1  same Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
67 1087
2  up Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
68 1063
3  same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
54 1049
3  down But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
47 1049
5  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
66 1013
6  up Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
63 1006
7  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
53 999
8  up Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
71 994
9  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
54 993
10  down Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
47 980
11  down Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
48 974
12  up King raggg
Steven Darling
55 969
13  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
39 964
14  same SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
60 964
15  up FTM
Stu Smith
60 960
16  down Cookie fc
Peter Cook
46 949
17  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
56 944
18  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
58 936
19  down RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
44 919
20  same Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
44 916
21  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
56 913
22  same Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
44 906
23  down Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
37 904
24  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
54 900
25  same Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
45 899
26  up Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
61 891
27  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
34 889
28  down Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
42 887
29  up Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
74 881
30  up Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
48 878
31  down Morningblues
Jeff Morning
46 873
32  up Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
59 872
33  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
43 871
34  down QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
48 868
35  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
46 868
36  down PenshawPerformers
david bruce
47 864
37  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
58 864
38  up Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
70 862
39  down Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
41 860
40  up ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
64 852
41  up El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
52 837
42  down Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
44 831
43  same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
42 830
44  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
33 824
45  same Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
54 822
46  same Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
63 807
47  up Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
52 793
48  down It’s coming home
scott mcgow
48 788
49  same The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
51 758
50  same Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
36 733
51  same Ross’s champions
darren frankland
35 712

 

Manager of the week – Salah Buffoon!!! – Jitesh Lakhani – 74 points

A second manager of the week award for Salah Buffoon!!! Their last, in GW8, helped them jump into the top 40 and came largely as a result of sticking the armband on Eden Hazard and reaping the rewards of a double figure haul. Ditto this week. Hazard’s first 10+ total in nine weeks has helped the Buffoons rise into the top 30. Hazard scored a goal and a noteworthy fifth assist in four games to help Chelsea to victory over Brighton. Chelsea’s good festive fixture run might enable Hazard to produce more of the same – although it does appear that he’s ended the week with a yellow flag next to his name.

Player of the week – Henrikh Mkhitaryan – Arsenal – 14 points

Bargain of the week – Danny Ings – Southampton – 13 points

Southampton’s impressive win over Arsenal provides both the player awards this week. Does this prove it’s better to pump more money into your midfield than it does into your attack? Danny Ings’ brace and top bonus comes in at 11 points to Mkhitaryan’s 12 (2 goals plus 2 bonus points), and so he somewhat unluckily, given the match result, has to settle for the bargain award.

The Arsenal side that looked so impressive in the North London derby haven’t fulfilled that fantasy point-scoring promise, particularly Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, who many managers instantly transferred in as a result of his performance against Spurs. Mkhitaryan gave way at half time in that game and has only played 45 minutes in each of the games since, so it would have been hard to predict his involvement here, never mind the likelihood of him netting twice.

Attention may switch to Danny Ings again as it did in the early weeks of the season. The Southampton striker needs to stay fit having just come back from a six week lay off. He and Salomon Rondon appear to be the only viable sub £6 million striking options on the table at the moment.

Twat of the week – Laurent Koscielny – Arsenal – 0 points

And to complete the set. It’s not the return to first team action that Koscielny would have wanted, but worth noting that he lasted the full 90 minutes and starts at a reasonably priced £5.4million. You’d expect him to be a regular, maybe once the busy festive schedule is out the way, so definitely worth keeping an eye on. Arsenal need to improve defensively and maybe Koscielny will help them do that.

Goal of the week – Gerard Deulofeu. A game full of good goals…

…and no vid to prove it.

1  same The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
37 2146
2  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
55 2108
3  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
71 2104
4  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
59 2099
5  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
39 2098
6  up Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
71 2094
7  up Hornets
Andrew Wade
54 2073
8  down Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
51 2070
9  same INIT FC
Mustafa khan
60 2047
10  up Queen of the north
DORINE REACHER
76 2036
11  up Rico united
JASON REACHER
64 2029
12  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
43 2028
13  down Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
55 2024
14  same The winnings R mine
david bruce
57 2020
15  same Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
58 2016
16  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
52 2001
17  down Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
45 2000
18  same It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
46 1990
19  same Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
53 1982
20  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
51 1972
21  up We are Ayling
Paul Murray
71 1953
22  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
58 1948
23  down Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
41 1943
24  down Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
50 1941
25  down Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
51 1936
26  up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
68 1927
27  up Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
62 1922
28  down Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
48 1921
29  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
33 1914
30  same Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
54 1914
31  up mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
71 1911
32  same King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
56 1908
33  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
58 1901
34  same Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
36 1882
35  up FTM
Stu Smith
49 1882
36  down Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
32 1879
37  up blakes11
Steven Darling
71 1878
38  same Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
49 1877
39  down musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
37 1868
40  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
58 1800
41  up iamgroot
scott mcgow
60 1798
42  up cookster fc
Peter Cook
43 1784
43  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
41 1778
44  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
26 1770
45  same disco dancer
darren frankland
58 1764
46  same Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
31 1724
47  same Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
40 1712
48  same Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
45 1653
49  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
42 1643
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
39 1513

 

April Manager of the Month – Edgbaston – Micheal Dineen – 267 points

In what was probably our closest manager of the month tussle of the season, the prize goes to Edgbaston. All of the teams in contention could have pinched the top spot with a better captain choice. Most plumped for Salah, who had a rare off week. Some, most notably Caligula, could have come out on top with a different team selection. Caligula had an extra 10 points on the bench which would have seen them over the line. Having said that, Edgbaston could also have picked up a few more points, opting as they did for Hugo Lloris over Mat Ryan and Pascal Gross over Willian. Caligula’s poor showing saw them drop to fifth overall. The gap is down to 36 points behind the Vinegar Pissers, with The Craggy Islanders and Nashton Villa now leading the chase. Mega double gameweek to come – it’s still anybody’s.

1  up Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
59 267
2  same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
52 262
3  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
39 258
4  same INIT FC
Mustafa khan
60 256
5  same disco dancer
darren frankland
58 249
6  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
71 246

Manager of the week – Queen of the North – Dorine Reacher – 76 points

Queen of the North became only the fifth team to achieve a second manager of the week nod and move into the top 10 overall – although they’re probably out of the running for a top four place with no chips remaining ahead of the double gameweek. The key to a high score was stocking up on Palace players who made themselves safe with their 5-0 rout of Leicester. Wilfried Zaha bagged his second double figure score in three weeks and was the Queen’s highest scoring player.

Player of the week – Dusan Tadic – 15 points

Despite Palace’s best efforts it was another relegation threatened team who provided us with this weeks best player. Southampton look semi-revitalised and not yet ready to give up on their Premier League status – and may now offer us some options for their double gameweek – Tadic being one of them. He normally shows up for one week of every season with a big score. He chipped in with 23 points back in gameweek 8 of the 2014-2015 season.

Bargain of the week – Mamadou Sakho – 13 points

There we are. The Palace representative. Sakho was one of four Palace players to hit double figures this week. Lots of managers have taken a punt on Zaha given his good form, but not so many on any other player, probably due to the fact they only have one game next week. All others have been gradually discarded in preparation for the GW37. They have Stoke and West Brom left to play – which in the middle of the season would tempt you towards them. Now they’re safe and with those two teams still fighting, it might be best to look elsewhere.

Twat of the week – Marc Albrighton – -2 points

It’s very difficult to time tackles when you’re wearing flip flops and sunglasses.

Goal of the week – Dusan Tadic

No vid for this toe-poke. Tadic again. You definitely won’t see this name mentioned again until next season.

Gameweek 34 results

April 20, 2018

1  same The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
106 2069
2  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
107 2008
3  down Hornets
Andrew Wade
74 1985
4  up Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
91 1984
5  down Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
76 1982
6  down Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
81 1981
7  same FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
105 1980
8  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
99 1969
9  up greenyteamy
adam greenwood
78 1940
10  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
112 1938
11  down Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
69 1933
12  same Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
83 1928
13  same The winnings R mine
david bruce
80 1925
14  down Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
65 1922
15  down Queen of the north
DORINE REACHER
82 1916
16  down Rico united
JASON REACHER
83 1908
17  same Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
63 1889
18  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
113 1885
19  same We are Ayling
Paul Murray
93 1882
20  same It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
73 1879
21  down Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
57 1872
22  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
72 1870
23  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
74 1866
24  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
73 1852
25  same Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
83 1845
26  same Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
81 1837
27  down Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
89 1837
28  up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
91 1834
29  same Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
75 1823
30  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
64 1818
31  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
82 1812
32  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
75 1807
33  up mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
70 1800
34  down Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
56 1799
35  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
52 1797
36  same musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
64 1791
37  same FTM
Stu Smith
73 1785
38  same King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
93 1783
39  same blakes11
Steven Darling
80 1757
40  up cookster fc
Peter Cook
68 1717
41  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
73 1707
42  down iamgroot
scott mcgow
54 1705
43  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
78 1693
44  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
49 1687
45  same Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
82 1672
46  same Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
69 1648
47  same disco dancer
darren frankland
90 1645
48  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
61 1572
49  same Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
72 1552
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
73 1449

 

Manager of the week – Kebab Eaters United – Paul Howard – 113 points

Only five 100+ scores in what was an underwhelming double gameweek. The highest scorers averaged not much more than what you’d expect from a single gameweek; and rotation, as it always does, reared it’s annoying, ugly head. Most managers played the week as best they could, utilising their bench boosts and triple captains, and most topped the worldwide average of 64 points, which is the highest of the season so far. The best Buckets team were the Kebab Eaters. Their 113 points was enough to climb them six places and within sight of the top 10. They bench boosted with Chris Smalling, Pascal Gross, Romelu Lukaku and Luca Milivojevic all among their XV.

The Vinegar Pissers stretched their lead at the top to 61 points and have gone top 10,000 in the world. They also topped the century mark. As did The Craggy Islanders, who are now in second, and FC Caligula, who now sit seventh. And like a Grand National finish, the favourites are taking their positions and getting ready to pounce in the final furlongs. Despicable Mee also rose another two places into fourth. The chipless Hornets dropped to third but did well not to lose too much ground and still post a respectable 74 points. Both Nashton and Brexiter, who didn’t use a chip this week, also scored well and despite dropping places aren’t out of the race. They do have one chip left each – their bench boost – surely lined up for GW37. The VPs, the Islanders and Despicable all have their triple captain remaining. But keep an eye on Caligula. They still have their free hit, probably primed for the upcoming week, and their triple captain, again no doubt ready for GW37. Some teams may be a player or two short for the coming week’s reduced schedule – Caligula can pick who they want.

Player of the week – Chris Smalling – 16 points

Man United defenders were always likely to be well positioned to score highly this week with two fixtures against West Brom and Bournemouth. It didn’t start well with a 1-0 loss to the bottom club. That prompted all kinds of unsettling hints from Mourinho about dropping players. Smalling played both games, perhaps underlining the fact he’s as guaranteed a starter as anyone at the moment. He also made up for conceding against West Brom by scoring against Bournemouth, earning back the clean sheet points he should never have lost in the first place.

Bargain of the week – Jan Bednarek – 13 points

Drafted in by Mark Hughes to make his Southampton debut out of sheer desparation – and it paid off – if you’re a fantasy manager and you’d taken the longest punt imaginable and plonked him in your squad. Only 6,000 managers have him in their team in the world and I imagine most of them aren’t playing any more. He may appear in a few more next week as he managed a goal and a clean sheet across his double gameweek appearances. He could come in very useful come GW37 when Saints play twice again and you want to save some money.

Twat of the week – Wayne Hennessey – 0 points

One of those weeks where no-one really earned the wooden spoon award. Hennessey conceded two and picked up a yellow, so he’s the worse player you could have picked. Palace don’t really keep clean sheets, so more fool you if you thought they would in this relegation scrap against their so called derby rivals.

Goal of the week – Any Carroll. 

Another double gameweek let down – given the amount of games you’d have expected at least one screamer. This was the best of a pretty lame bunch. 2m29s

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