Gameweek 28 results

1 Romeo’s-honda-van Rob Hewer 55 1,674
2 Sportingoffensivewig Alex Ritchie 71 1,626
3 The Magico Rob Buttaci 58 1,625
4 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 48 1,621
5 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 65 1,617
6 Shakin’ Stephens P Hawkins 62 1,600
7 Ciderheads Darren Pope 57 1,588
8 NaboombuDirtyYellows Andrew Swift 52 1,574
9 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 65 1,572
10 {Your Ad Here} Matthew Hopkins 35 1,566
11 Crazylegs Xi David Caldicott 56 1,553
12 Upper Bullens Scouse Mouse 52 1,547
13 pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 61 1,508
14 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 51 1,502
15 Mid-Season Blip Paul Bentz 41 1,481
16 Kedah FA David Spinks 60 1,476
17 Rien Toulouse Colin Goulding 74 1,476
18 Have a little dink Ian Williams 43 1,474
19 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 63 1,453
20 Biscuitmen Chris Morton 45 1,426
21 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 50 1,419
22 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 51 1,415
23 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 31 1,398
24 Release the Hounds Paul Mitchell 46 1,396
25 Real Jorvik Simon Brown 44 1,389
26 Inter Minan Jordan Raper 34 1,228

The first round of the cup has been decided. The preliminary round was completed this weekend and bottom club, Inter Minan, who never get mentioned, because they gave up in August, have made it through. They defeated Uriah Rennie, whose season goes from bad to worse. Inter Minan achieved the victory with only eight men on the pitch. It’s unlikely they’ll get any further, as next week they’ll face the league leaders, and will probably have a lot less available players in their squad. A Demba Ba hat trick may get them through though. You never know.

Elsewhere, there were victories for Kedah FA, Ciderheads, Panza, Rip Roaring Reds, Sporting, Crazylegs, Pretty Schitty City, Shakin’ Stephens and Rien Toulouse, who, with 74 points, were this weeks highest scoring team. Sporting were the only other 70+ scoring team, knocking out The Magico in the tie of the round.

It was inevitable that Daniel Sturridge’s scoring run would eventually come to an end. As inevitable as it was that Luis Suarez’s non-scoring run would also come to an end. Both happened this weekend. Suarez’s 15 points was his highest score, and included his first league goal for six weeks. Unusually Sturridge didn’t contribute anything – not even an assist for the other two Liverpool goals. They were assisted by…Suarez. Andre Schurrle was the best player of the week – not that anyone would have foreseen the hat trick he scored to dispatch of Fulham and the 20 fantasy points he picked up. It was only Schurrle’s eighth league start of the season.

Player of the week – Andre Schurrle – 20 points. Don’t be surprised if he’s back on the bench next week.

Bargain of the week – Moussa Sissoko – 15 points. It wasn’t a headbutt.

Donkey of the week – Sebastien Bassong – -2 points. An own goal in the middle of a 20 minute capitulation.

Goal of the week – Christian Benteke. His first goal in the rout of Norwich.

Gameweek 16 results and Gameweek 17 preview

1 Pescara Rangers Stewart Pope 84 897
2 Les Canaris David Spinks 55 869
3 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 53 859
4 A Few Good Men Darren Pope 72 851
5 Pimp My Side Jordan Raper 61 846
6 A Pint of Fuller’s P Hawkins 61 842
7 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 68 832
8 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 52 819
9 (Your Ad Here) Matthew Hopkins 60 806
10 None Of The Above Jonny Mabbutt 66 800
11 Body Issues FC Arron Fellows 53 796
12 Fancy a brouhaha? Ian Williams 72 793
13 Doing the 91 Colin Goulding 58 793
14 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 79 790
15 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 51 789
16 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 54 785
17 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 51 784
18 Upper Bullens Scouse Mouse 50 779
19 Moxie XI Luke O’Shea 29 742
20 Borussia HairBack Alex Ritchie 51 736
21 goodbutnosigurdsson Rob Hewer 60 735
22 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 51 732
22 Release The Hounds 5 Paul Mitchell 35 732
24 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 56 727
25 Lothersdale FC Simon Rider 65 723
26 Inter Ealing Paul Bentz 62 720
27 Real Jorvik Simon Brown 75 700

Due to having a dose of manflu so severe I can barely walk, and being about as prepared and organised for Christmas as Man City are for last minute free kicks, I’m combining last weeks results with the coming weeks fixture preview. This might happen again over the coming weeks. I only hope I can keep up with the gameweeks and not miss anything. Although I do hope some of you are so stuffed/pissed/embedded with family that you forget your managerial duties and let me climb a few more places. Thanks.

Not too many people – hardly anyone in fact – thought there’d be much advantage in drafting in Sunderland and Reading players this week – and they’d be half right. Reading didn’t offer anything. They didn’t score and conceded 4. Only Adam Federici, who picked up 2 extra points for the saves he made, scored anything other than their basic appearance points. Sunderland, by virtue of the convincing win over Reading, did have a good week. Their defeat to Chelsea was maybe expected, but they did score a goal courtesy of Adam Johnson. He also picked up a bonus point out of that game. James McLean was credited with the assist. McLean also scored against Reading, assisted by Johnson. Carlos Cuellar assisted and kept a clean sheet. John O’Shea and Simon Mignolet were the other clean sheet keepers. Sessegnon and Fletcher were the other goal scorers, with Danny Rose grabbing the last assist. Across those players there were plenty of points to be had, particularly with McLean, Johnson and Cuellar, who all nothced double figures. Giving McLean the captaincy would have bagged you 32 points. This was enough to make McLean the overall player of the week.

And after all that, Pescara Rangers win the gameweek with 84 points, and not a Reading or Sunderland player in sight. There were lots of goals around this week. Even Fernando Torres found the net twice, as did Michu, as usual, Arteta, twice from the penalty spot, James McCarthy and Wayne Rooney. Pescara bravely handed Torres the captaincy, scoring 32 points. Van Persie, Michu, Yaya, Tevez and Jason Puncheon all added goals or assists.

A word on the Manc derby –  Rio’s been asking for that for years. All that hurtling forward 90 yards to celebrate goals he had nothing to do with, kissing his badge and thrusting his hair lip in the faces of the opposition fans. Wanker.

15 Dec 12:45 Newcastle Newcastle v Man City Man City
15 Dec 15:00 Liverpool Liverpool v Aston Villa Aston Villa
15 Dec 15:00 Man Utd Man Utd v Sunderland Sunderland
15 Dec 15:00 Norwich Norwich v Wigan Wigan
15 Dec 15:00 QPR QPR v Fulham Fulham
15 Dec 15:00 Stoke City Stoke City v Everton Everton
16 Dec 13:30 Tottenham Tottenham v Swansea Swansea
16 Dec 16:00 West Brom West Brom v West Ham West Ham
17 Dec 20:00 Reading Reading v Arsenal Arsenal

As for next week, well, Torres won’t be adding to his tally. Chelsea don’t play. Their opponents would have been Southampton, so Jason Puncheon can’t add to that run of form either. A few teams will have decisions to make on what to do with their Chelsea and/or Saints players. Both teams have winnable home fixtures in week 18, so providing your not going to be left with only 10 men, just leave it for a week. You pick up two free subs along the way. Then there’s the quick switch option. Kicking Torres out for a week to bring in a striker purposely for this weeks fixtures could work. How many could Van Persie or Rooney get against Sunderland? Suarez could have as good week against Villa. Defoe against Swansea? Tevez or Aguero against Newcastle? Sebastian Bassong against Wigan even? You read that right. Three goals in four games for the Norwich centre half, and three consecutive clean sheets before that. Whose to say he won’t score and keep a clean sheet this weekend. Not bad for a player who has suffered 3 relegations in the last 5 seasons, and was probably expecting another one in this.

  • Player of the week – James McLean – 16 points. Had to be a player from one of the teams that played twice
  • Bargain of the week – James McCarthy – 15 points. Should also have been from one of the teams that played twice.
  • Donkey of the week – Ashley Williams – -1 points. Torn apart by Norwich.

Goal of the weekend

Glen Johnson v West Ham