Gameweek 12 results

November 12, 2018

1  same But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
60 792
2  same Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
59 773
3  same Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
59 772
4  up Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
67 737
5  same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
55 736
6  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
46 733
7  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
65 732
8  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
56 727
9  down Cookie fc
Peter Cook
52 723
10  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
48 712
11  down SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
38 708
12  down Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
36 704
13  up RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
57 703
14  down King raggg
Steven Darling
55 702
15  same Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
57 700
16  up Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
63 685
17  up FTM
Stu Smith
73 682
18  up Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
62 676
19  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
55 676
20  down CAS Vampire Slayers
Mustafa khan
52 672
21  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
43 669
22  down Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
48 667
23  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
45 667
24  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
62 660
25  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
63 652
26  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
43 649
27  up Morningblues
Jeff Morning
66 645
28  up Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
58 643
29  same PenshawPerformers
david bruce
45 636
30  down QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
45 632
31  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
43 631
32  up Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
55 630
33  up Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
56 629
34  down Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
31 624
35  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
48 624
36  up Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
56 614
37  same Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
49 613
38  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
53 612
39  down El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
48 611
40  up Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
45 600
41  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
57 591
42  same ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
35 588
43  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
56 583
44  down Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
41 580
45  up Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
51 568
46  same It’s coming home
scott mcgow
47 565
47  up Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
47 563
48  up Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
53 554
49  same Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
29 535
50  up The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
46 513

Manager of the week – FTM – Stu Smith – 73 points

FTM are the only team to tip the 70 point barrier this gameweek and in doing so they climb seven places and to within sight of the top 10. Many of the usual captain suspects did their bare minimum bagging a goal or a clean sheet to give a respectable double figure return with the armband – Mo Salah and Sergio Aguero among them. Salah was FTM’s highest scorer with 16. Felipe Anderson was perhaps the star differential, contributing 9 more points to his total, following a 13 point haul last week. The West Ham winger was transferred in by almost 140,000 teams worldwide ahead of their game against Huddersfield this weekend – a tactic worth considering. And that ownership may continue to rise given the favourable run of fixtures his team face from GW14 into the new year.

Player of the week – Juan Foyth – Tottenham Hotspur – 15 points

If you’re a defender and you score and keep a clean sheet you can be almost guaranteed the top bonus marks. Doesn’t matter how shit you play for the rest of the ninety minutes. I’m not sure I’d be rushing to get this guy in. He conceded two penalties last week and despite his 15 points, looked shaky and out of his depth. I’m pretty sure Spurs fans will be a lot happier when either Davinson Sanchez or Jan Vertonghen are back from their injuries. I’m not having him at £5 million either.

Bargain of the week – Salamon Rondon – Newcastle United – 12 points

Promises to be as inconsistent in black and white stripes as he was in blue and white stripes. Rondon has scored the first two of the eight or nine goals he’ll get this season. I predict his next brace will come sometime over Christmas before a four week lay off through injury.

Twat of the week – Dale Stephens – Brighton and Hove Albion – -2 points

Fully deserved twattage for not only out-dirtying, but also losing to a Warnock side.

Goal of the week – Ilkay Gundogan. 4,216,542,164 passes turning Manchester United inside out. Unfortunately I can only find a video with the last two.

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Gameweek 16 results

December 15, 2016

up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
69 918
down Yeboah’s Right Foot
Paul Murray
46 901
up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
74 881
down Aquamar 15
Noel Driver
59 878
same Hedgehog Corpse FC
Nick Smith
60 873
up Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
56 858
up 4 Fuchs Ake
Jason Earwicker
52 857
down QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
37 856
down When Harry met Alli
Trevor Gordon
41 850
10  up 30:19
Darren Lavelle
58 839
11  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
42 838
12  down Uriah Rennie 2nd XI
Neil Greenwood
49 837
13  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
69 836
14  up Cooksters
Peter Cook
74 834
15  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
45 824
16  down To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
49 822
17  up Go Buffoons Go
Jitesh Lakhani
73 821
18  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
37 820
19  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
54 809
20  up RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
69 808
21  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
42 808
22  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
72 807
23  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
49 807
24  same Joey Bosa
Paul Bentz
53 798
25  down nO fucHs given
Paul Callaghan
47 789
26  up Jarvis FC
Matt Jarvis
81 788
27  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
44 787
28  down Jeff Lamp’s Porsche
David Spinks
34 786
29  up Hucking Fell
P Hawkins
57 778
30  down Crazy Legs XI
David Caldicott
49 774
31  down Ciderheads
Darren Pope
45 772
32  same romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
57 763
33  down FTM
Stu Smith
34 758
34  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
59 752
35  same RG XV
Ryan Garoghan
49 752
36  down Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
46 751
37  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
47 743
38  same I am not Zlatan
Colin Goulding
46 729
39  up Pepe Le Blue
DEAN CRIPPS
57 726
40  same Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
40 718
41  up jetty city
scott mcgow
39 716
42  down Have a little dink
Ian Williams
36 716
43  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
35 712
44  down Big White Chiefs
david frankland
31 703
45  up Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
48 690
46  up Bermie Utd
Glen Davies
56 677
47  down Racing Club Skegness
Andrew Swift
26 674
48  down bazza 28 united
laura barrett
50 674
49  same DJ’s Trail Blazers
Danian Jones
36 644
50  up Bish Bosh Goal
Simon Purnell
39 637

 

This is getting painful. At least we have a new name on the manager or the week roll call. Jarvis FC have been floating around between 30th and 40th for a few weeks now. Their 81 points puts them in 26th – the heady heights of mid table. Of more immediate interest will be the fact that with half of this 6 week game month complete, they’re up in to 5th place on the manager of the month table. It’s worth having a look…

 

up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
69 220
down Yeboah’s Right Foot
Paul Murray
46 207
up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
72 201
up Cooksters
Peter Cook
74 198
up Jarvis FC
Matt Jarvis
81 195
up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
74 195
down Aquamar 15
Noel Driver
59 195
down Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
56 194
up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
69 192
10  up Hedgehog Corpse FC
Nick Smith
60 187

 

Two players hit 19 points this week – Adam Lallana and Christian Eriksen. Jarvis made Eriksen captain, and that was that. It would have been a bold move to hand the armband to the Dane a few weeks ago, but his form has vastly improved since gameweek 13. He’s currently on a streak of scoring goals as well as providing assists, and he’s also nothced 8 bonus points in that four week spell.

After the goal glut at the weekend, defenders and keepers had a better time over these midweek games. Jarvis picked up 27 points from their defence and keeper. Eight teams kept clean sheets – that’s the most since way back in gameweek 9.

 

Player of the week – Adam Lallana – 19 points. When injury free, the most consistent and reliable of that Liverpool midfield.

Bargain of the week – Salomon Rondon – 17 points. Another £6-7 million striker coming into form

Donkey of the week – Marko Arnautovic – -2 points. Christmas off. Well done Marko.

Goal of the week – Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Coming back into contention.

 

 

 

Gameweek 17 results

December 22, 2015

1 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 73 974
2 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 75 950
3 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 97 948
4 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 75 947
5 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 75 937
6 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 70 934
7 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 69 919
8 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 86 912
9 Howayman Mark Bromham 88 911
10 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 61 900
11 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 52 900
12 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 82 899
13 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 77 898
14 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 73 896
15 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 64 895
16 SS3 FC Paul Murray 74 891
17 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 79 888
18 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 59 884
19 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 78 883
20 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 64 880
21 Init fc Mustafa khan 65 874
22 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 67 869
23 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 79 859
24 Below Par Paul Bentz 43 859
25 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 73 859
26 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 68 849
27 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 70 847
28 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 70 847
29 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 74 836
30 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 80 827
31 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 73 826
32 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 60 821
33 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 69 813
34 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 41 780
35 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 77 775
36 Ciderheads Darren Pope 53 770
37 RICO UNITED JASON REACHER 43 754
38 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 78 749
39 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 58 746
40 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 49 743
41 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 60 740
42 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 50 719
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 47 653
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 48 610

 

There’s been a complete internet failure in my house today, so this is an abridged version of what I was going to write.

4 Lime Jellies are back in contention in the top three after amassing 97 points and winning manager of the week. Surprisingly, given that they’ve hardly been out of the top five, it’s their first weekly award. They employed Mahrez as captain, and he continues to outscore everyone else. Another player of the week award – that’s the third week in a row he’s scored the highest. The Jellies also have the other four 100+ players – Vardy, Ighalo, Lukaku and Ozil. Plus soon-to-be-the newest-member of the 100 club, Ross Barkley. They’re the super six. If the player of the season nominations were going to be picked today – they’d be the six. Wouldn’t they?

Jellies’ winning week also boosts their chances of winning the December monthly award. The table looks like this with two gameweek to go…

1 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 79 228
2 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 75 222
3 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 75 216
4 Howayman Mark Bromham 88 216
5 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 97 215
6 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 64 212
7 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 82 210
7 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 86 210
9 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 73 208
10 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 70 206

 

And that’s just the top ten. In truth, anyone down to the mid twenties is in with a shout, depending on getting the right super six captain choice right.

 

Player of the week – Riyad Mahrez – 15 points. 147 points after 17 games – if he continues at this rate he’ll beat Luis Suarez’s score of two seasons ago.

Bargain of the week – Nathan Ake – 14 points. Watford for the Europa League.

Donkey of the week – James McLean – -2 points. I’m always a bit suspicious of players who get sent off in the game before Christmas.

Goal of the week – Yaya Toure. Amazingly City’s first away goal since Octover?!

 

 

Gameweek 12 preview

November 6, 2015

07 Nov 12:45 Bournemouth v Newcastle
07 Nov 15:00 Leicester v Watford
07 Nov 15:00 Man Utd v West Brom
07 Nov 15:00 Norwich v Swansea
07 Nov 15:00 Sunderland v Southampton
07 Nov 15:00 West Ham v Everton
07 Nov 17:30 Stoke v Chelsea
08 Nov 13:30 Aston Villa v Man City
08 Nov 16:00 Arsenal v Spurs
08 Nov 16:00 Liverpool v Crystal Palace

 

Say you were to go with a six man (including your keeper in this) defence and you split it between three Man United players and three West Brom players, what do you think the chances are of earning full marks – all 36 available points and probably a few bonuses on top? It’s probably not all that far-fetched given the form of the two teams, who meet this weekend at Old Trafford. Three of Man United’s last four games have ended goalless and they’ve kept four clean sheets in their last five league outings. No other team has more clean sheets than them and no other player has more than Chris Smalling, who has become somewhat of a defensive linchpin all of a sudden. He’s the highest scoring defender. His 56 points is made up those seven clean sheets, seven bonus marks and an assist. He’s kept a fairly unblemished disciplinary record too having only picked up one booking.

West Brom’s defensive reliability is just as good. They boast the second best points scoring keeper and two defenders in the top 11. Boaz Myhill, Gareth MacAuley and Craig Dawson have 18 clean sheets between them. United’s home advantage might make them slight favourites to contribute a goal to the affair. The early promise of Anthony Martial has waned in recent weeks with five consecutive blanks. Wayne Rooney’s come in for some criticism this season, but at least it’s only three weeks since he last found the net The good start made by Juan Mata has come to a grinding halt as well. The most in form attacker on the park could be Ander Herrera, if he’s picked, or more likely, the Baggies’ Venezuelan striker, Salomon Rondon, who seems to be finding his feet with two in his last two games. With two teams who are principally set up to defend, you know you’re better off getting your attacking options from somewhere else.

A top against bottom clash should never be ignored for obvious goal potential. Remi Garde could definitely have done without having to face Manchester City for his first game in charge of Aston Villa. City were more convincing brushing aside Seville in midweek than they were defeating Norwich at home last weekend. Their clean sheet reliability seems to have disappeared, but their goalscoring ability has not. They’ve scored in all but one of their games this season (that’ll be the 0-0 with Manchester United – see how it all fits together?). Still no Aguero or Silva means almost guaranteed gametime for Bony, De Bruyne, Sterling and Toure. It’d be a miracle if at least one of them didn’t add significantly to their points total.

Arsenal’s humbling at Bayern in midweek is not good preparation for a North London derby against a Spurs team who are quietly climbing the league. Harry Kane’s season didn’t start as the last one ended, but it’s now five in five games and he’s among the top ten strikers again. He’s higher than any Arsenal striker in fact. The £9.3 million outlay may still seem a little steep, but it’s cheaper than his starting price, and will only continue to rise if he does start banging them in at the same rate as he did from this point in 2014. Mesut Ozil matches Kane’s form and will cost you a just under a million less. Ozil has notched seven assists in five games, and nine in total – way more than anyone else. A few weeks ago there was a rush on Alexis Sanchez after the Chilean scored six in three games. He’s contributed little else since. The money would have been better spent on his German team mate. Could it be worth swapping one Gunner for the other given their contrasting runs of form?

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