Gameweek 4 results

September 13, 2016

up When Harry met Alli
Trevor Gordon
79 249
up Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
64 238
up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
80 232
up Aquamar 15
Noel Driver
59 230
down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
49 229
down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
53 228
up Uriah Rennie 2nd XI
Neil Greenwood
61 226
down 4 Fuchs Ake
Jason Earwicker
39 223
up nO fucHs given
Paul Callaghan
57 219
10  up Joey Bosa
Paul Bentz
63 217
11  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
60 217
12  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
49 216
13  down Go Buffoons Go
Jitesh Lakhani
43 210
13  down Jeff Lamp’s Porsche
David Spinks
32 210
15  down 30:19
Darren Lavelle
38 210
16  up Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
51 208
17  down FTM
Stu Smith
43 206
41 204
19  up Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
46 204
19  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
52 204
21  down Ciderheads
Darren Pope
41 203
22  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
36 201
23  up Cooksters
Peter Cook
44 199
24  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
48 195
25  down Jarvis FC
Matt Jarvis
32 194
26  down RG XV
Ryan Garoghan
38 192
27  up Crazy Legs XI
David Caldicott
61 189
28  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
62 186
29  up Hedgehog Corpse FC
Nick Smith
56 186
30  up Bish Bosh Goal
Simon Purnell
52 185
31  down Racing Club Skegness
Andrew Swift
16 185
32  down INIT FC
Mustafa khan
29 184
33  up Yeboah’s Right Foot
Paul Murray
60 183
34  down Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
39 183
35  down Hucking Fell
P Hawkins
44 182
36  up Bermie Utd
Glen Davies
62 181
37  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
48 181
38  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
31 180
39  down DJ’s Trail Blazers
Danian Jones
35 179
40  same romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
56 176
41  down RICO UNITED
46 172
42  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
55 169
43  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
43 166
44  new Dj daz
darren frankland
33 163
45  up bazza 28 united
laura barrett
46 161
46  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
32 160
47  down Have a little dink
Ian Williams
41 158
48  down I am not Zlatan
Colin Goulding
54 152
49  down Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
23 146
50  new Big White Chiefs
david frankland
65 141
51  down jetty city
scott mcgow
56 137
52  down Pepe Le Blue
29 136
53  down Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
38 117


Normal service has been resumed. It was an eventful run up to the gameweek – what with nearly everyone buying someone and breaking their transfer record to do it. I could have spent the entire preview piece going through the new signings and who might make an impact. As it happened, most made their debuts from the bench, and hardly any scored big points. Sadio Mane, Steven Defour and Christian Benteke appear on page one of the highest weekly scores – they’re the only three.

The main talking point was the ban handed out to Sergio Aguero following the elbowing incident against West Ham before the international break – and the fact that it was ahead of the most blown out of all proportion/anticipated game of the early season. Three matches in total – but only two Premier League gameweeks – the other game being City’s League Cup tie against Swansea next week. Over a million managers across the game dispensed with his services, although I have noticed him lingering on a few Buckets benches. You might have expected Zlatan to be the player most other managers turned to, but Alvaro Negredo was ahead of the Manchester United striker as the most transferred player in. Closely followed by Diego Costa. Of those three, it was the Chelsea madman who contributed the most points. It’s also worth noting he picked up his third booking in four games. He may be the perfect replacement for Aguero, whose return from suspension could well coincide with a ban for Costa for reaching five yellows.

The perfect replacement, however, would have been Romelu Lukaku. Not many people took a punt on the Everton striker. Not scoring a league goal for six months probably had something to do with that. When Harry Met Alli, nO fucHs given and Uriah’s were the main beneficiaries of Lukaku’s 11 minute hat trick. Uriah’s and nO fucHs made him captain – thus contributing 34 points to their score. Everton players added another 14 points to Uriah’s total enabling them to jump over 20 places and into the top 10 off the back of just one game.

When Harry Met Alli jumped nine places to move to the top of the table employing both Costa (as captain) and Lukaku. Their 41 points contribute towards a total of 79 which was the second highest total of the week. The highest weekly scorers were To Elland Back. Their 80 points catapulted them 23 places from 26th to third. They also handed Costa the armband and he was ably assisted by Robert Snodgrass, Roberto Firmino and Harry Kane who also all found the back of the net.

We’ve two new recruits, which has expanded the prize pot and slightly altered the cup format, so check the relevant links to see those updates. That’s the deadline for new admissions. We’ve 53 managers – that’s amazing. It’s even created a page two relegation zone on the website.*


Player of the week – Heung Min Son – 19 points. Crushing Stoke, the early season whipping boys.

Bargain of the week – Etienne Capoue – 13 points. Three goals in four games!!!

Donkey of the week – Robert Huth – -1 points. Remember, they couldn’t keep a clean sheet for the first half of last season either.

Goal of the week – Steven Defour. A good week this week.


*No-one will actually be relegated – don’t worry.


Gameweek 25 results

February 9, 2016

1 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 86 1,408
2 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 70 1,396
3 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 60 1,378
4 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 67 1,369
5 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 79 1,367
6 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 65 1,364
7 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 63 1,359
8 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 66 1,358
9 SS3 FC Paul Murray 51 1,336
10 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 49 1,334
11 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 72 1,333
12 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 55 1,331
13 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 61 1,320
14 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 55 1,316
15 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 56 1,313
16 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 53 1,311
17 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 44 1,309
18 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 62 1,307
19 Howayman Mark Bromham 58 1,306
20 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 50 1,301
21 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 62 1,300
22 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 50 1,298
23 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 60 1,295
24 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 61 1,295
25 Below Par Paul Bentz 61 1,283
26 Init fc Mustafa khan 49 1,283
27 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 55 1,269
28 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 57 1,266
29 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 64 1,257
30 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 47 1,256
31 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 50 1,253
32 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 60 1,232
33 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 56 1,217
34 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 42 1,214
35 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 56 1,200
37 Ciderheads Darren Pope 60 1,148
38 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 87 1,140
39 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 45 1,140
40 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 41 1,129
41 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 49 1,107
42 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 78 1,088
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 42 995
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 43 965


The Baker Bum Boys win week 25 with 87 points. They played their wildcard to great effect, realising the current strength of the Saints defence and bringing in Jose Font to pay alongside Eric Dier and Toby Alderweireld. Petr Cech was also transferred in. In the week he collected top bonus marks for his clean sheet. He’s now out clear at the top of the keeper charts. Mesut Ozil made a welcome return to form, and Diego Costa’s slight return to being a worthwhile fantasy player paid dividends, wearing the armband and picking up 18 points.

They beat Your Ad Here, who are our new leaders, by a point. YAH take their turn at the top of the tree ahead of FC Caligula. They drafted in Roberto Firmino who posted his third double figure score in five weeks. This moves him to the top of the overall form charts. A good week for Leicester, which admittedly is nearly every week, signals a good week for Pretty Schitty City. They bounced back into consideration, climbing up to fifth, and to within 10 points of the once seemingly uncatchable Golden Boys. Riyad Mahrez supplied 28 points as captain. His five week lean spell is well and truly forgotten. It’s three scoring weeks in succession, and his 10th double figure score.


Player of the week – Robert Huth – 16 points. 57 points in 7 weeks.

Bargain of the week – Maya Yoshida – 15 points. Bagged two bargain awards last season. Plays too occasionally to be a serious consideration.

Donkey of the week – Pablo Zabaleta – 0 points. Mahrez’d.

Goal of the week – Riyad Mahrez. Who else? Goal at 1m48s.

Gameweek 21 results

January 4, 2013

1 A Pint of Fuller’s P Hawkins 61 1,140
2 Pimp My Side Jordan Raper 77 1,119
3 Pescara Rangers Stewart Pope 50 1,119
4 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 50 1,114
5 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 61 1,102
6 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 71 1,098
7 Les Canaris David Spinks 52 1,097
8 (Your Ad Here) Matthew Hopkins 40 1,066
9 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 81 1,065
10 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 69 1,063
11 A Few Good Men Darren Pope 37 1,048
12 None Of The Above Jonny Mabbutt 67 1,048
13 Doing the 91 Colin Goulding 79 1,045
14 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 71 1,014
15 Fancy a brouhaha? Ian Williams 64 1,008
16 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 44 1,006
17 Borussia HairBack Alex Ritchie 65 1,005
18 Body Issues FC Arron Fellows 56 996
19 goodbutnosigurdsson Rob Hewer 74 992
20 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 87 988
21 Release The Hounds 5 Paul Mitchell 52 966
22 Moxie XI Luke O’Shea 67 962
23 Upper Bullens Scouse Mouse 36 956
24 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 66 950
25 Inter Ealing Paul Bentz 33 921
26 Real Jorvik Simon Brown 41 902
27 Lothersdale FC Simon Rider 36 888

Part of the key to this year’s league is to guess when not to have Robin Van Persie as your captain. He’s more than capable of top scoring every week. He’s managed double figures on 5 occasions  He’s contributed with either a goal or an assist in each of the last 8 weeks. He’s a pretty safe bet to get you 10+ points if you hand him the captaincy whoever United play. When they play Wigan – it’s a shoe in. Having said all that – he’s not player of the week. Luis Suarez matched Van Persie’s stats, and as he’s the cheaper player, so he wins the player of the week award. Suarez is in a rich vein of form also. That’s 4 consecutive scoring weeks for him – the second in a row in which he’s hit double figures. Matching both Suarez and Van Persie stat for stat, but for one less bonus point, was Javier Hernandez. If you can guess the weeks that Fergie’s going to plump for the Mexican, again, you’re almost certainly on for a high score. This week he managed 15 points. He’s played a full 90 minutes on 4 other occasions this season. He’s scored more than 9 points in 3 of those games. Until Rooney returns, you suspect he’ll keep his place. Fergie may even try to accommodate all three – as he did against West Ham some weeks back – although that only ended in a 1-0 victory. Too many cocks…I mean cooks.

And so the big Buckets scorers this week had a combination of two of these brace scoring strikers. No team was lucky enough to have all three. Pretty Schitty City had Van Persie and Hernandez – and top scored with 87 points. Neil Madrid also had RVP and Hernandez. Goodbutnosigurdsson and Pimp My Side had Suarez and RVP – which bodes well for them for the coming weeks, given the form that both are in. Shoe-horning Van Persie in is probably impossible without having to sell 3 or 4 other players – and it’s becoming increasingly more difficult to do it with Suarez too, as his value increases again week on week.

There are hints of a few changes in fortune for various players and teams. Stoke conceded 3 for the second consecutive week, and Liverpool look a lot more attractive a proposition as they scored 3 and kept a clean sheet for the second consecutive week. Skrtel, Agger and Johnson are all in the top 10 scoring defenders, not so much for their defensive play, but for their goals, assists and bonus scoring. The same can be said for Patrice Evra, who assisted again this week, to add to the 2 goals he scored in weeks 18 and 19. Pablo Zabaleta is City’s go to defender at the moment. Another not keeping as many clean sheets as you’d want him too, but very capable of chipping in with a goal and assist every couple of weeks. Zabaleta’s place in the team looks nailed on for a good few weeks to come yet with both Richards and Maicon injured, and only at a price of 5.9 million. Liverpool’s upturn in form has coincided not only with Suarez’s latest scoring burst, but Steven Gerrard seems to have woken up aswell. It’s 5 consecutive scoring games for him now. It might not have looked likekly at the start of the season, but as the new year starts, Liverpool might be the go to team for affordable players, at the expense of the likes of Stoke, Norwich and Swansea, whose form has all waned slightly. It’s been 4 gameweeks since a Michu goal.

  • Player of the week – Luis Suarez – 16 points. On for a 30 goal season?
  • Bargain of the week – Joey O’Brien – 15 points. Subbed before West Ham conceded.
  • Donkey of the week – Robert Huth – 0 points. Time to change the defence?

Goal of the week

Weedy bloke. Thunderous free kick.

Gameweek 20 results

December 31, 2012

1 A Pint of Fuller’s P Hawkins 62 1,079
2 Pescara Rangers Stewart Pope 35 1,069
3 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 54 1,064
4 Les Canaris David Spinks 47 1,045
5 Pimp My Side Jordan Raper 37 1,042
6 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 51 1,041
7 (Your Ad Here) Matthew Hopkins 38 1,030
8 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 53 1,027
9 A Few Good Men Darren Pope 31 1,011
10 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 72 994
11 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 49 988
12 None Of The Above Jonny Mabbutt 45 981
13 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 49 966
14 Doing the 91 Colin Goulding 48 966
15 Fancy a brouhaha? Ian Williams 44 944
16 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 47 943
17 Borussia HairBack Alex Ritchie 51 940
18 Body Issues FC Arron Fellows 20 940
19 goodbutnosigurdsson Rob Hewer 50 926
20 Upper Bullens Scouse Mouse 26 920
21 Release The Hounds 5 Paul Mitchell 56 914
22 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 29 901
23 Moxie XI Luke O’Shea 29 895
24 Inter Ealing Paul Bentz 29 888
25 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 40 884
26 Real Jorvik Simon Brown 34 861
27 Lothersdale FC Simon Rider 24 852

Silly season has claimed a lot of victims. All teams had to rely on their benches this week as big names were left out and some unexpected injuries led to a lot of none starters. A lot of teams were floundering after Saturday’s matches. Crazylegs, for example, finished Saturday with a measly 3 points. Thanks to QPR’s weekly butchering, this time at the hands of Luis Suarez and Liverpool, and a couple of substitutions, they managed to pick up 37 more points giving them a respectable, and just slightly below average score of 40. Our team of the week really benefitted from enforced substitutions. But for the promotion of Russell Martin and Raheem Sterling into the squad, and of Luis Suarez to captain to replace the non-playing Tevez, they’d have finished the gameweek with 43 points. Those three players gained Panza Grande another 29 points to finish with with 72. It’s a score which puts them back in the top 10.

Manager of the month is A Pint Of Fullers. It was never going to be anyone else frankly. They had another great week, posting the second highest score of 62 points, and are now top of the overall league aswell.

1 A Pint of Fuller’s P Hawkins 62 361
2 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 49 340
3 (Your Ad Here) Matthew Hopkins 38 336
4 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 54 329
5 Pescara Rangers Stewart Pope 35 323
6 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 53 322

Gareth Bale got himself suspended for picking up his 5th booking, all of which have been for diving. Unfortunately for those who like Bale in their fantasy squad you have to put up with the 1 in 4 game chance he’ll get himself carded. From hat trick hero to one point zero in the space of a few days. And I thought he’d follow up that match winning performance with another. Nice captaincy work Gareth. You cheating twat.

Proof this week that all of Stoke’s defensive solidity comes from the suspended pair of Ryan Shawcross and Geoff Cameron. Stoke shipped 3 goals – the first time they’ve conceded more than one since the middle of October. Robert Huth contributed towards one of Southamptons goals by shanking it off he’s own crossbar and setting up an easy knock in for Jay Rodriguez. Andy Wilkinson went one better and put it straight into his own net. Ironically it was the defensive replacements that rescued them at the other end of the pitch. Ryan Shotton (assist) and Matthew Upson (a goal?!) scraped them a draw. Cameron Jerome, for good measure, scored the goal of the week. Defensive frailties creeping in – or Christmas fatigue? Hopefully the latter. They’re still the only steady defensive option in the league at the moment.

It’s the start of the January transfer window. Some deals are being whispered about already. Newcastle fans will welcome the news that Mathieu Debuchy looks set to join. If ever a team needed a defensive shake up it’s Newcastle. 14 clean sheets last season is a distant memory. They’ve conceded 15  in 5 games. Thank God for Aston Villa. Who are only marginally worse, having conceded 16 in the same amount of time. Newcastle fans will not welcome the news that Demba Ba looks eager to activate that ridiculous clause in his contract. Chelsea the front-runners apparently. Lets hope that a) he has a similar second half to this season than he had last – and forgets where the net is, and b) that so-called ticking time-bomb of a knee injury flares up big time, and he spends the majority of it in the treatment room. Not bitter. In all seriousness, if the move happens, will he play as much, and as a result will he be as prolific in front of goal? And will Papiss Cisse take up that mantle again? It won’t be the only transfer related headache for fantasy managers. Best playing that new wild card you get at the end of the window, unless you’re basement dwellers Lothersdale FC. Who, for the record, also compete in another league called “2 Horse Race” – and are….3rd. Oh dear!

  • Player of the week – Theo Walcott – 26 points. Highest individual score of the year thus far
  • Bargain of the week – Edin Dzeko – 16 points. Always seems to score big when he starts.
  • Donkey of the week – Samir Nasri – -2 points. The leagues biggest wimp gets himself sent off.

Goal of the weekend

Cameron Jerome, of all people, scores the goal of the season so far

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