Gameweek 11 results

We have a leader. A proper leader. There’ll be no more weekly chopping and changing at the top for a while given Locky Bauer Bowyer’s current rate of scoring. This week they surpassed the 100 point barrier – the first team to do that so far this season. Their total of 103 becomes the highest weekly score, eclipsing Cook Pass Babtridge’s week one total of 99. It was inside the top 6,000 in the world – one of the top 0.1% in the entire game. And as a result, they now sit in the top 2,000 overall.

Locky Bauer Bowyer
Paul Hawkins
103 692
Sterling Silva
78 664
Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
79 645
FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
81 644
Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
74 642
Noel Driver
56 634
Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
73 633
Stephen Papadopoulos
68 632
musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
70 629
Tim Dodd
56 613

No-one really got close to them but that’s not to say everyone had a bad week. Most of us have John Lundstram after all. The next nearest score was 83, one of a hefty group of managers posting 70+ totals, most of whom, if not all, would have received green arrows.

Every one of Locky’s starting XI contributed, apart from KDB, who was the game’s second top scorer at the start of the weekend. Manchester City were arguably the main reason the rest of us didn’t challenge that high score. The Sterling or De Bruyne captain choice looked too good to ignore against Southampton. We should maybe have expected Saints to park the bus. When the defence was finally breached it was by Aguero, who has been exiting a lot of teams recently (although not Locky Bauer Bowyer’s), and Kyle Walker. A Sterling and KDB double up would have gained you no more that 5 points.

Manager of the week – Paul Hawkins – Locky Bauer Bowyer – 103 points

Player of the week – John Lundstram – Sheffield United – 21 points

Bargain of the week – Lys Mousset – Sheffield United – 13 points

Twat of the week – James Tarkowsi – Burnley – 0 points

Goal of the week – Jamie Vardy. 2m14s

Gameweek 4 results

1  same Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
64 288
2  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
45 271
3  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
48 268
4  up But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
56 267
5  up King raggg
Steven Darling
61 263
6  up Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
52 262
7  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
44 262
8  up Cookie fc
Peter Cook
55 259
9  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
50 257
10  up Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
53 253
11  down PenshawPerformers
david bruce
24 252
12  up Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
57 252
13  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
46 251
14  down Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
36 249
15  down Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
48 249
16  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
43 244
17  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
48 241
18  up Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
47 240
19  up Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
51 240
58 238
Adam Burnett
52 236
22  up Kompany & Co
52 236
45 235
24  down Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
53 235
25  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
53 234
26  up FTM
Stu Smith
53 230
26  up Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
53 230
28  down CAS Vampire Slayers
Mustafa khan
40 229
29  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
26 226
30  up Morningblues
Jeff Morning
59 224
31  down Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
36 218
32  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
38 215
33  down Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
46 214
34  up Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
48 213
35  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
60 211
36  up Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
46 209
37  up Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
53 207
38  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
41 206
39  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
34 199
40  same Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
42 199
41  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
52 198
42  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
36 193
43  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
44 186
44  down El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
20 185
45  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
46 183
46  down It’s coming home
scott mcgow
33 180
47  down Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
40 180
48  down Ross’s champions
darren frankland
54 176
49  down Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
34 172
50  down The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
31 169
51  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
32 166
52  same Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
45 161


Manager of the week – Perfidious Albion – Andrew Swift – 64 points

Two MOTW awards and one MOTM in the opening four gameweeks and into the top 30,000 in the world for Albion. The score could have been so much better with another 12 points possible from their benched players. Albion opted to replace Richarlison with Hazard, which should bode well for future weeks given Chelsea’s fixture run. Hazard has contributed a goal or assist in every game so far which is more impressive when you consider he’s only started two of them. Pretty much everyone else in the world chose to replace Richarlison with Theo Walcott. The curse of the most transferred-in-player strikes again – Walcott limped off before the hour mark and collected only one point. Which is three more than Richarlison did last week, so if you made that move, look at it from that point of view. The expected Aguero double hat trick didn’t materialise either, but at least the assist came which made some scores look more respectable than they otherwise would have been.

Player of the week – Cedric Soares – Southampton – 12 points

His starting value cheapness and the outside chance of some Southampton clean sheets tempted a lot of people in at the season start. But with 2 points in three games and the Saints defence looking pretty porous, many managers were losing interest pretty quickly. Then this.

Bargain of the week – Philip Billing – Huddersfield Town  – 9 points

The most impressive of the £4.5 million midfielders has made four starts, lasted the full 90 in each and now has a goal to his name. Billing is actually the top scoring midfielder in the £5 million and under price bracket with only four other players bettering his total at £5.5 million.

Twat of the week – Marcus Rashford – Manchester United – -2 points

Needs to play more for this to be of any concern to anybody.

Goal of the week – Kyle Walker.

Season review

1  same The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
84 2289
2  same Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
65 2253
3  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
67 2251
4  same Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
67 2250
5  same FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
86 2245
6  same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
65 2216
7  same Hornets
Andrew Wade
76 2215
8  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
74 2193
9  down Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
52 2184
10  up It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
66 2156
11  up Rico united
71 2155
12  up The winnings R mine
david bruce
71 2148
13  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
51 2139
14  down Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
34 2134
15  up Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
73 2133
16  same Queen of the north
55 2125
17  down Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
54 2125
18  same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
60 2108
19  same Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
54 2103
20  up We are Ayling
Paul Murray
68 2095
21  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
88 2094
22  up Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
66 2089
23  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
53 2089
24  down Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
58 2082
25  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
48 2078
26  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
55 2073
27  up Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
87 2072
28  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
85 2065
29  down To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
69 2061
30  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
84 2061
31  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
55 2052
32  up King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
80 2050
33  same mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
70 2048
34  down Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
43 2035
35  same Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
57 2021
36  same blakes11
Steven Darling
54 1998
37  same musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
52 1995
38  same Kompany & Co
58 1983
39  same FTM
Stu Smith
55 1980
40  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
85 1918
41  down iamgroot
scott mcgow
56 1903
42  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
66 1898
43  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
69 1896
44  down cookster fc
Peter Cook
50 1895
45  same disco dancer
darren frankland
61 1879
46  same Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
52 1848
47  same Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
59 1829
48  same Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
50 1799
49  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
50 1752
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
71 1653


Winners – The Vinegar Pissers 

The third manager to pick up their second title scoring the second highest finishing total. The Vinegar Pissers only spent six weeks outside of our top 10, first taking root in GW5. They did drop to the depths of 11th and 12th, before permanently floating around 6th until gameweek 29, when a manager of the week performance saw them rise to third. Then GW31 – only four games – but a Mohamed Salah masterclass and everybody’s posting 100+ totals and challenging for the highest weekly score prize. The VP’s kicked arse with 124 points from eight players, 58 of which came from Salah. That put them at the top of the league and that’s where they stayed – and in truth, no-one really got that close to them. Congratulations to the Pissers. They got as high as 8,202nd in the world, never took more than a four point hit, played their triple captain and bench boost in the run in and utilised their free hit well, picking up a good score with it and a green arrow just before Christmas. Interestingly, they played their wildcards at almost the earliest possibly opportunity on both occasions. Proving that there is still no logic to this game and it’s all complete luck.

Runners up – Nashton Villa, Edgbaston and Despicable Mee 

Our Champions League qualifiers all had similar seasons, making their surge into the top ten and then the top four at around the same time. It was during March that they all lost ground on the VPs and were left desperately trying to claw back the points lost during gameweeks 29 and 31 – the two weeks that definitely won the VP’s that manager of the month, and arguably won them the league. It was a superb debut season for Nashton who reached their highest worldwide position after GW37, but were unable to continue the rise and challenge for the top spot. They would have had to surpass the 100 point mark in GW38 to knock our champions off their perch.

Edgbaston have finally crept into our top four after two consecutive 5th place finishes, despite finishing lower in the world rankings than in both of their last two attempts. And fourth placed Despicable Mee are regressing. Two consecutive runners up placings and now fourth place. Once always the bridesmaid – now a distant uncle only invited because they had a space to fill. In all seriousness – if one of these two doesn’t win this title soon, I’d be very surprised.

The rest

There were valiant efforts by two former champs who just ran out of steam at the last knockings – FC Caligula and The Craggy Islanders finished 5th and 6th respectively. We’re sure to see them in the running next season. Hornets, a total rookie FPL debutant, who were top every week bar three between gameweeks 2 and 29, finished in a respectable 7th. By gameweek 16 they had climbed to 1,663rd in the world, as high (possibly) as any Buckets manager has been, but they peaked too early. Better understanding of the chips and when to play them might serve them better next season. The rest of us – probably got stung by Harry Kane once too often, and only realised when it was too late that they should have had Mo Salah as captain EVERY WEEK.

The awards

We had more managers of the week scoring 100+ scores than in any previous season. The Vinegar Pissers’ 124 point score was the second highest weekly winning score, but falls way behind their own record set in the 2013-2014 season when they managed 165 points in a week in which virtually everybody passed the 100 point barrier following a mammoth double gameweek. That same season produced the highest winning finishing score in our league of 2356 points. Despite there being more 100+ weekly winners in this season, The VPs finished 67 points behind that total. It’s worth noting that the 124 points scored in GW31 was done so from only four games. Another thirteen of our fifty teams passed the century mark that week. And most of them were only fielding bit part teams.

We had ten different managers of the month, six managers taking two weekly accolades, but only one, The bloody Vinegar Pissers, managing three highest weekly scores. Shoelace Untied took the December prize, accumulating 477 points for the month – the highest ever monthly total.

The players

We may have fallen just short of breaking our manager records this season, but the reason we got so close was largely due to one player – Mohamed Salah. He became the first player to pass 300 points for the season. No-one else came close – which may explain why we didn’t quite eclipse the higher scores from four years ago. Back then, in the ‘Suarez’ season, there was a great supporting cast, with the likes of Daniel Sturridge, Steven Gerrard, Raheem Sterling, Robin Van Persie, Yaya Toure and Eden Hazard all scoring big, playing consistently and featuring in a lot of teams. This season only Harry Kane, Sterling and Kevin De Bruyne passed the 200 point mark. Despite Kane running Salah (fairly) close in the golden boot chase, he was still close to 100 points behind. Which says more about the frustrating, annoying, inconsistent, trolling season the Spurs striker had. Nowt for weeks then just when you get sick of it all three frickin’ hat tricks…or whatever it was. Dickhead. Still – he’ll be in from the start next season.

Kane picked up more player of the week awards (three) than anyone else. Salah, who only scored more than anyone else once throughout the whole season, was much more consistent. A goal every week rather than three and a gap. And lets mention GW31 again – 29 points – the highest ever single match gameweek score. Sergio Aguero, Heung-Min Son and Marko Arnautovic were the only other players to get two player of the week awards. Tottenham won the award six times ahead of Chelsea with five, and then perhaps surprisingly, Manchester City, with only four winners. Ayoze Perez, Federico Fernandez and Callum Wilson showed up on the bargain list more than once and Newcastle appeared to be the best go-to cheapo team, winning the award five times over the course of the season. Watford were king of the twats offering up six ‘worst of the week’, with Jose Holebas winning the award twice. Jack Stephens also won it twice – and in consecutive weeks, so well done to him. Manchester City did dominate the goal of the week contenders with eight wins, but anyone who tells you that Jamie Vardy’s over the shoulder volley against West Brom in GW30 isn’t the goal of the season, is some kind of goon.

Debatable team of the season

  • GK – David De Gea – 172 points

No arguments here, although Lorus Karius did pick up more points per match of all keepers playing more than 10 games. Karius and Mignolet played half a season each – 19 games a piece. Mignolet scored on average 1.1 points per game less and kept three less clean sheets – although still 7 out of 19 which is pretty respectable.

  • DR – Cesar Azpilicueta – 175 points
  • DL – Marcos Alonso – 165 points
  • DC – Nicolas Otamendi – 156 points
  • DC – Jan Vertonghen – 138 points

Antonio Valencia, Ben Davies and Kyle Walker all scored more than Vertonghen, but none are central defenders. In the favoured three at the back, you’d probably have to drop Alonso. He hasn’t scored enough to warrant his usual left wing back position ahead of the highest scoring midfielders either…coming up next. Andrew Robertson missed 16 games and Phil Jones missed 15 games, but both beat all of the above, other than Alonso, in points per game. Jones managed 15 clean sheets in his 23 games. Basically – if he didn’t play – United usually conceded.

  • DM – Luca Milivojevic – 144 points
  • CM – Kevin De Bruyne – 209 points
  • AM – Mohamed Salah – 303 points
  • AM – Raheem Sterling – 229 points
  • AM – Christian Eriksen – 199 points

Obviously, this is where it all gets a bit ‘debatable’. No real team is complete without some kind of defensive holding player, so when you see the PFA team of the year, and it’s basically a goalkeeper and 10 attackers, you do wonder if they ever really watch the game. But then if you were going to stick a defensive midfielder in there, you wouldn’t necessarily be basing their inclusion on their fantasy points total, seeing as how nothing they do is ever taken into consideration when the scores are totted up. You’d just pick N’Golo Kante and move on wouldn’t you? Milivojevic is definitely worth a mention though. Arguably the most reliable penalty taker in the league, double figures for goals and in the top 10 for bonuses.

  • CF – Harry Kane – 217 points

His best goalscoring season but not his his best fantasy season. Too many braces and hat tricks, if their can be such a thing, and not enough consistency. Kane would go missing for weeks, but then burst back into life racking up the highest bonus score too. It was all about catching him on a good day. He blanked in 19 gameweeks – half a season. Salah failed to score anything other than appearance points in only 10 games. Aguero, and latterly, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, finished the season with more points per match. There’s your front three for August.



Player awards

Gameweek 2 results

1  up Hornets
Andrew Wade
80 142
2  up Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
47 132
3  up The winnings R mine
david bruce
55 130
4  up Rico united
52 129
5  up Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
50 129
6  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
48 126
7  up Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
63 126
8  down Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
36 124
9  up Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
63 123
9  up Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
54 123
11  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
50 122
12  down Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
38 122
13  up Queen of the north
60 121
14  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
45 119
15  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
51 118
16  down INIT FC
Mustafa khan
26 112
17  down It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
42 110
17  down Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
40 110
19  down Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
28 108
20  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
31 108
21  up Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
46 107
22  down King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
35 107
22  up Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
52 107
24  down Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
41 106
25  up Kompany & Co
43 103
26  up Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
47 102
27  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
35 100
28  down mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
40 100
29  same Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
40 99
30  up FTM
Stu Smith
47 97
31  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
45 96
32  down disco dancer
darren frankland
36 94
32  down cookster fc
Peter Cook
29 94
34  up Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
47 94
35  same The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
42 93
36  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
32 93
37  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
43 92
38  up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
47 91
39  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
36 88
40  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
38 88
41  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
39 84
42  down Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
40 83
43  down musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
29 79
44  up iamgroot
scott mcgow
40 78
45  down blakes11
Steven Darling
36 77
46  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
44 75
47  up Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
36 73
48  same Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
27 68
49  down We are Ayling
Paul Murray
21 67
50  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
19 47


Manager of the week – Hornets – 80 points

Straight to the top of the league and in pole position for the first manager of the month prize go league newcomers, Hornets. Player of the week, Marcos Alonso, top scored, with added double figure totals courtesy of our goal of the week scorer, Aaron Mooy, and Paul Pogba and Romelu Lukaku. Pogba, along with Henrik Mkhitaryan, are top of the midfielder points, and at long last making those transfer fees seem worthwhile. Lukaku, meanwhile, isn’t wasting any time. He’s the most selected and was the most captained this gameweek.

Player of the week – Marcos Alonso – 16 points

Hopefully there weren’t too many kneejerk reactions to Cheslea’s poor showing against Burnley last week. Alonso has very quickly reminded us why he’s the most expensive defender, by basically playing as an attacker, and curling in a trademark beauty of a free kick. Harry Kane got booked again. How many kneejerk reactions will there be to his crap start? Surely next week against Burnley is where he finally makes his mark on the season?

Bargain of the week – Harry Maguire – 15 points

Leicester look far more capable of scoring and keeping clean sheets already than at any point last season. Scoring and keeping a clean sheet is exactly what Maguire did. He seems to have cemented his starting berth although three tough fixtures in the next four await.

Twat of the week – Kyle Walker – -2 points

And if you did kneejerk away from the Chelsea defence, lets hope you didn’t plump for Kyle Walker.

Goal of the week – Aaron Mooy 

No vid. disgraceful