Gameweek 38 results and May manager of the month

May Manager of the Month – Pretty Schitty City – Alex Michaluk – 188 points

Not a bad two weeks work for PSC scoring almost as much as the leading manager for August and October, both of which were three gameweek months. Having a double gameweek and the usually bonkers final gameweek always helps provide a high score. Their monthly triumph has been largely helped by a mini-resurgence in Leicester’s fortunes and Mahrez and Vardy posting big scores for the final two weeks. Leicester aren’t on the beach anymore. They’ve been on holiday and come back.

1  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
85 188
2  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
88 180
3  down It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
66 178
4  down Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
54 170
5  same Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
58 160
6  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
84 160
6  up Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
67 160

Manager of the week – Your Ad Here – Matthew Hopkins – 88 points

YAH finished second in the May table trailing PSC by eight points. They opted to wildcard in GW36 and bench boost in GW37, probably with one eye on pushing for the last available monthly award, and maybe the highest weekly score prize too. Their week winning score came without Mo Salah, but with equally as effective contributions from four end-of-season form horses, Marko Arnautovic, Wilfried Zaha, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Ayoze Perez. All backed up a long overdue Harry Kane brace, but weren’t quite enough to pinch the monthly award.

Player of the week – Andrew Robertson – 18 points

A goal, assist, clean sheet and top bonus marks. The full house from the Liverpool full back was matched by Patrick Van Aanholt for Palace, but Robertson did it all for £0.2 million less. It makes all the difference. He’ll be much sought after next season.

Bargain of the week – Ayoze Perez – 13 points

Ending the season with a flourish, this is Perez’s second bargain player award in the last two months and his third double figure score in the same period. It was achieved with his fifth and sixth goals in his last eight games. And he’s meant to be on the beach.

Twat of the week – Christian Fuchs – -2 points

Scoring an own goal in the craziest scoring game of the day was never going to help anyone hoping to keep their head above water. Fuchs dipped into the minus scores after a shot destined for a thrown-in rebounded off his knee and into the net. Leicester defenders have been a no go area all season, much like they always have been, even when they’re winning the league.

Goal of the week – Kelechi Iheanacho. 1m47s


Gameweek 15 preview

Watford v Everton
Arsenal v Stoke
Burnley v Bournemouth
Hull v Crystal Palace
Swansea v Sunderland
Leicester v Man City
Chelsea v West Brom
Man Utd v Spurs
Southampton v Middlesbrough
Liverpool v West Ham

Last weekend was a crazy weekend – a debacle/triumph depending on your captain choice. This weekend I guarantee most of us will be fielding Alexis Sanchez, no matter how many transfers it takes to get him in. Any managers mulling over the worth of Aguero still, may be secretly celebrating his moment of madness last week. A four game ban – his second lengthy ban of the season – rules him out until New Years Eve. And makes many manager’s minds up for them. Time to go, Sergio. (Till he scores five in his second game back and we all try to crowbar him in at the early expense of our winter wildcard.)

Being banned for six league games before Christmas is meant to happen to people like Diego Costa. This season, after Sanchez, he’s the most potent attacking threat in the game, and still hasn’t reached the five yellow card mark. He’s been stuck on four since gameweek 6 – the last game that Chelsea lost. And he was nowhere near the brawl at the end of last week’s defeat of City. I guarantee that if enough people bring him in to replace Aguero this week, he’ll pick up that long awaited fifth card. So don’t do it.

The other obvious replacement for Aguero is Harry Kane. He has five in four since coming back from injury. Spurs have two home games against Hull and Burnley after this weekend and they look like potential boot-fillers.

Also consider Kelechi Iheanacho, who should get the nod in Aguero’s absence. In the four games in which he’s played more than 45 minutes, he’s scored a total of 29 points. That’d be a healthy addition to anyone’s total from a £6.6 million striker. His value also opens up the door to Sanchez.

Or maybe…if you haven’t got three Chelsea players in your line-up, that’s what you should be aiming for. Chelsea’s next five games all offer clean sheet and goal bonanza potential. Three of them are at home against West Brom, Stoke and Bournemouth. Pedro, Nemanja Matic and Costa are all listed as doubtful. Leaving Eden Hazard, Marcos Alonso and Victor Moses as the only three of their attacking players that look certain to start. I imagine every effort will be put into getting Costa ready, with Cesc Fabregas and Willian on standby to fill in for the other two. As we approach the period in which all teams rotate, a rest for Pedro and Matic would hardly be a surprise.

Meanwhile, check out this prick…

737th in the world AND NOT A SINGLE TRANSFER.

Gameweek 8 preview

Chelsea v Leicester
Arsenal v Swansea
Bournemouth v  Hull
Man City v Everton
Stoke v Sunderland
West Brom v Spurs
Crystal Palace v West Ham
Middlesbrough v Watford
Southampton v Burnley
Liverpool v Man Utd

It appears most players have returned with a clean bill of health from their international travails, although there’s always a question mark over those flying further afield. Alexis Sanchez and Philippe Coutinho were rested on their return from South America last time and I guess it could happen again. Some teams can afford the luxury of dropping key players with plenty in reserve. That might be a particular annoyance to Sanchez owners with a home tie against Swansea this weekend and the potential for him to fill his boots. Serio Aguero was mid-suspension during the last international break. It’ll be interesting to see how Guardiola approaches the situation. And he did allegedly pick up an injury in Argentina’s first match against Peru, yet still played in their second against Paraguay. Kelechi Iheanacho looks more than a capable stand in these days, although he has been to Zambia and back himself in the last week.

The more serious injury concerns happened within the England squad. Raheem Sterling and Adam Lallana are the in form English players of the moment. Neither played either international. Lallana was injured in Liverpool’s last game and Sterling pulled out of the squad. If you believe internet reports, it doesn’t look promising for either player, although Lallana does have a few extra days to prove his fitness. Tom Heaton was also withdrawn after the first qualifier. The competitions leading keeper picked up a ‘minor’ calf injury and is listed as 75% fit. God knows what that really means.

Stoke’s luck could be about to change. Despite the worst goal difference in the league, having scored the least and with only West Ham conceding more, their run of fixtures into December all look eminently winnable. They play seven consecutive games against teams in the bottom half of the table, starting at home against Sunderland this weekend. They’ve yet to keep a clean sheet, but crucially have stopped shipping threes and fours. Shay Given bore the brunt of their worst performances and was replaced by Lee Grant, who in the last two games has accumulated 7 points. He’s another £4 million reserve keeper with almost guaranteed game time. That is until Jack Butland returns – and that appears to be some time in mid November. He keeps a Premier League clean sheet one in every three games. Stoke could be mid table by Christmas.

Gameweek 35 results

1 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 39 2,100
2 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 51 2,097
3 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 47 2,062
4 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 48 2,056
5 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 45 2,019
6 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 47 2,013
7 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 39 1,992
8 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 44 1,982
9 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 47 1,974
10 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 36 1,970
11 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 41 1,956
12 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 55 1,945
13 Init fc Mustafa khan 52 1,936
14 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 41 1,931
15 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 52 1,925
16 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 60 1,919
17 SS3 FC Paul Murray 50 1,918
18 Howayman Mark Bromham 52 1,904
19 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 66 1,900
20 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 31 1,891
21 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 27 1,888
22 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 38 1,886
23 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 41 1,885
24 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 40 1,884
25 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 41 1,865
26 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 50 1,859
27 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 42 1,854
28 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 34 1,838
29 Below Par Paul Bentz 51 1,826
30 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 31 1,818
31 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 42 1,795
32 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 32 1,767
34 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 40 1,761
35 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 59 1,739
36 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 21 1,734
37 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 44 1,728
38 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 55 1,676
39 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 44 1,672
40 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 33 1,649
41 Ciderheads Darren Pope 32 1,640
42 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 44 1,471
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 31 1,438
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 45 1,333


The reduced gameweek. That’s less games – so low scores were somewhat inevitable. Or perhaps they shouldn’t have been given that four teams managed to score four goal victories. But, the worldwide average was only 39 points. Maybe it had something to do with the scorers in those games – Eden Hazard? Or it may have had more to do with the fact that everyone was expecting another Tottenham rout – and that didn’t materialise.

In fact this could be the weekend that the Premier League title was effectively decided. Any doubts over whether Leicester could cope without Jamie Vardy were answered emphatically as they thumped Swansea (defo on the beach) 4-0. The contrasting form of Leicester and Spurs players over the last few weeks has seen a lot of managers opt to dispense of the likes of Mahrez and Vardy, yet keep hold of Kane, Alli, Eriksen etc. That tactic didn’t pay off this week. Vardy’s replacement, Leonardo Ulloa, proved what a useful asset he is, scoring twice and picking up 13 points for anyone that dared take the punt.

One of whom was Hedgehog Corpse, our highest weekly scorer with 66 points. Ulloa came in alongside Mahrez, who was made captain, and Robert Huth, to contribute 39 points to their overall score.

The top eight are all non-movers this week, although Your Ad Here’s 16 point swing against Caligula moves them closer to the top and further away from the chasing pack. Maybe it is back to that two horse race again.


Player of the week – Kelechi Iheanacho – 16 points. Better than Bony and half the price.

Bargain of the week – Ashley Westwood – 15 points. Probably the best Villa performance of the season – and they still got hammered.

Donkey of the week – Ashley Williams – -1 points. Beach.

Goal of the week – Daniel Sturridge. Bit of a dearth this week