Gameweek 31 results

1  up Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
61 1904
2  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
36 1903
3  down But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
34 1895
4  same Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
27 1829
5  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
45 1818
6  same Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
56 1813
7  same INIT FC
Mustafa khan
44 1776
8  same FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
32 1760
9  same FTM
Stu Smith
37 1758
10  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
27 1734
11  up Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
57 1733
12  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
60 1726
13  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
53 1725
14  down Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
42 1723
15  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
35 1712
16  down King raggg
Steven Darling
42 1702
49 1679
18  down Cookie fc
Peter Cook
39 1676
19  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
34 1666
20  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
42 1666
21  down Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
21 1651
22  up Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
35 1648
23  up Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
43 1647
24  down Kompany & Co
28 1643
25  same Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
25 1637
26  down SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
14 1633
27  up Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
55 1631
28  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
42 1601
29  up Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
24 1598
30  down Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
7 1594
31  up El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
51 1593
32  down PenshawPerformers
david bruce
10 1591
33  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
22 1588
34  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
38 1587
41 1584
36  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
42 1582
37  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
38 1580
38  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
31 1579
39  up Morningblues
Jeff Morning
51 1572
40  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
33 1567
41  down Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
32 1553
42  up Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
33 1545
43  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
29 1543
44  down Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
22 1536
45  same Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
26 1524
46  up Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
50 1516
47  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
22 1492
48  same It’s coming home
scott mcgow
38 1490
49  same The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
29 1410
50  same Ross’s champions
darren frankland
8 1355


Manager of the week – Perfidious Albion – Andrew Swift – 61 points 

This time last season there were only four matches played in the first reduced gameweek, yet it produced the highest weekly score of 124 points and saw a dozen managers hit triple figures thanks to a four goal blitz from Mo Salah against Watford. Fast forward 12 months and anyone hoping for a similar performance would have been sorely disappointed. The stats were there and surely he’s due one – but there was a much more obvious and sensible captain choice stood on the other side of the pitch at kick off – Sadio Mane. Perfidious’s total of 61, with 26 points contributed by Mane, sees them regain the overall league lead, sailing past Da Pitch and The Islanders who like most of the rest of us limped past the weekly average of 26 –  surely an all time low. Spare a thought for those who’ve toiled for weeks or taken massive hits to try and get an XI out. There are those that probably decided to weather the storm and take a risk on a depleted squad who scored more points.

Player of the week – Karlan Grant – Huddersfield Town – 13 points

There were plenty of goals around – an average of 4 per game – it’s just the majority were scored by players completely off the radar…like this dude. And they still got beat.

Bargain of the week – Wes Morgan – Leicester City – 10 points

Not the Leicester player we were all banking on either…

Twat of the week – Harry Maguire – Leicester City – -2 points

…whereas this donkey lasted four bloody minutes and probably shaped the way many people’s weekends were going to go
Goal of the week – Matt Ritchie.
Video-less. It was a screamer.

Gameweek 31 results and Buckets Cup Final

1  up The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
124 1868
2  same Hornets
Andrew Wade
80 1825
3  down Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
77 1817
4  same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
84 1804
5  same Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
89 1795
6  same Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
93 1794
7  same Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
81 1781
8  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
98 1781
9  up Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
104 1776
10  same Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
72 1769
11  down The winnings R mine
david bruce
67 1765
12  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
112 1763
13  up Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
102 1756
14  same INIT FC
Mustafa khan
90 1754
15  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
62 1749
16  down Queen of the north
85 1743
17  down Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
46 1741
18  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
110 1736
19  up Rico united
102 1736
20  down It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
74 1729
21  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
68 1723
22  same We are Ayling
Paul Murray
90 1719
23  up Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
84 1700
24  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
95 1688
25  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
100 1685
26  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
100 1679
27  down Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
86 1677
28  up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
112 1676
29  down Kompany & Co
35 1673
30  down Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
83 1670
31  up Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
102 1666
32  up Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
83 1652
33  down musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
77 1647
34  down Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
34 1643
35  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
43 1637
36  down King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
71 1636
37  up mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
104 1626
38  down blakes11
Steven Darling
54 1607
39  up FTM
Stu Smith
120 1604
40  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
56 1563
41  up iamgroot
scott mcgow
102 1563
42  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
88 1559
43  down Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
109 1556
44  down cookster fc
Peter Cook
36 1546
45  down Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
51 1525
46  down Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
44 1514
47  same disco dancer
darren frankland
61 1477
48  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
29 1437
49  same Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
12 1401
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
23 1291


Buckets Cup Winners – Emegency Gap Jumper

This season’s Bucket Cup champions are Emergency Gap Jumper. They beat Game Of Throw Ins by 102 – 81. Congratulations to them. It’s their first prize money in their 10th Bucket Season. EGJ opted to wildcard, fielding a full XI, whereas GOTI chose not to and went with a seven man squad. The news EGJ won’t want to hear is that they could have beaten GOTI by not wildcarding and simply playing the six players they already had in their squad who were potentially going to play this gameweek. Salah, as captain, Pickford, Milivojevic, Firmino, Doucoure and Gomez would have amassed 85 points.

Manager of the week – The Vinegar Pissers – Paul Hawkins – 124 points

Last week we all put out full teams and some of us struggled to reach what was one of the lowest average scores of the season. This week we’ve four matches in a vastly reduced gameweek – meaning eight teams – seven of them being shit – and 14 Buckets managers post scores of 100+. And it’s all thanks to one player. If ever there was a week in which everybody was going to captain the same man it was this one. Only the ghostships and the league leader decided Mohamed Salah wasn’t up to the job. Brexiter drop to third as a result of their decision to take a punt on Firmino. However, had they gone with Salah, they’d still have lost their lead to The Vinegar Pissers, who have been threatening to take over the top spot for a number of weeks now. Who’d have thought this week would give up the highest gameweek score as well? The VPs only got eight players out, but it would have been a struggle to pick a worse eight. Only Callum Wilson offered up appearance points. Their three man defence contributed a clean sheet each, a goal, an assist and five bonus points. Mane and Milovejevic, playing alongside Salah, added a goal, two assists and two bonus points, and all of a sudden, Cenk Tosun needs to be taken seriously, scoring two to add to the other two he’s notched in his last two games. Four in three and he’s the striker in form.

The VPs have built up quite a lead as a result. Ordinarily you’re happy with an 80 point return, especially from a reduced gameweek, but Hornets are now conceding a 43 point lead to the new leaders. An honorable mention should go to FTM who achieved the second highest score of the weekend and did so by playing their free hit. The free hit chip was developed for gameweeks like this one. FTM finished four shy of The VPs. A bit more faith in Bournemouth or more investment in the Crystal Palace defence over the Everton defence would have seen them over the line. Yet, despite all their efforts, they only moved up two places in the league.

Player of the week – Mohamed Salah – 29 points

It’s the highest weekly score of the season. It’s, from memory, the second highest weekly score ever and the highest single gameweek score. It’s his 14th double figure haul of the season. There have only been seven weeks in the 31 in which he hasn’t either scored or assisted. It’s four goals, an assist and inevitably, all the bonus points. It’s Mohamed Salah, who now sits on 266 points from 30 of the 31 gameweeks. That’s an average of 8.86 points a game. At that rate he should surpass the 300 point mark and become the first player to do that. Luis Suarez’s record is 295 from the 2013/2014 season. Just leave the armband where it is.

Bargain of the week – James Tomkins – 15 points

In truth the other big scores of the weekend could have gone anywhere. Any one of the other teams could have kept a clean sheet or scored a hatful. Those who took a punt on Palace players would have ended up happy, particularly those opting for James Tomkins. He’s the safest route into that Palace defence at the moment – if you dare venture there. You couldn’t have asked for much more than a goal, clean sheet and all the bonus marks. Apart from maybe a second goal, which he as inches away from getting. Just don’t pick him next week.

Twat of the week – Charlie Adam – -2 points

I’m not sure he was gracing too many teams. In fact, he’s been dropping out of squads as opposed to being brought in ahead of this gameweek, which says a lot. Xherdan Shaqiri looked like the most optimistic Stoke choice, along with Jack Butland, who has been racking up the save points over the last few weeks. Shaqiri failed to deliver, but Butland’s 3 point return was the average keeper score. Watford and Huddersfield were the teams to completely ignore this week.

Goal of the week – Junior Stanislas.

1m20s in


Gameweek 31 results

The briefest of entries just for the records. I have been away for most of the last week, so wasn’t able to grab the league table before it changed.

The highest score was achieved by Yeboah’s Right Foot. It’s their fourth manager of the week accolade – the most of any manager this season. And the player contributing the most to their score was Kasper Schmeichel. Yeboah’s handed him the armband. Cheeky. Well, they were playing Sunderland.

Aquamar extended their lead at the top utilising their wildcard, while the chasing pack behind them continued to jostle for position.


Player of the week – Abel Hernandez – 14 points. Hull to stay up?

Bargain of the week – Maya Yoshida – 11 points. Southampton’s bargain defence playing wll ahead of their double gameweeks.

Donkey of the week – Daniel Ayala – 0 points. Boro going down?

Goal of the week – Jamie Vardy. Onetouchbang.

Gameweek 31 results

1 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 83 1,787
2 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 82 1,764
3 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 82 1,716
4 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 74 1,704
5 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 71 1,698
6 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 81 1,686
7 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 77 1,684
8 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 89 1,678
9 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 75 1,675
10 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 81 1,665
11 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 76 1,664
12 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 73 1,661
13 SS3 FC Paul Murray 76 1,658
14 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 79 1,656
15 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 70 1,643
16 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 51 1,643
17 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 61 1,629
18 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 75 1,629
19 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 83 1,627
20 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 90 1,624
21 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 66 1,623
22 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 58 1,612
23 Init fc Mustafa khan 69 1,611
24 Howayman Mark Bromham 80 1,609
25 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 63 1,606
26 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 87 1,605
27 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 83 1,580
28 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 60 1,572
29 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 73 1,572
30 Below Par Paul Bentz 65 1,561
31 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 83 1,547
32 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 78 1,534
34 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 54 1,506
35 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 60 1,491
36 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 66 1,486
37 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 72 1,453
38 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 56 1,453
39 Ciderheads Darren Pope 47 1,399
40 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 53 1,398
41 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 77 1,396
42 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 50 1,293
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 39 1,196
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 34 1,140


This was he last gameweek of the month. I’ve only just realised. We’ve an international break next week before the final stretch of the season. So we have a manager of the month prize to dish out and that goes to FC Caligula. And not before time. Our league leaders have surprisingly only managed one pretty low scoring manager of the week prize up until now and that was only a few weeks ago in GW27. In the closest finish yet, Caligula have just pipped Walking With Memphis, Rico United, Your Ad Here, Edgbaston and Shoelace to the prize. All six teams deserve a mention having all scored three consecutive 70+ scores in the last three weeks.

1 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 83 280
2 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 73 279
4 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 82 276
4 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 81 276
6 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 81 275


As you might expect, Caligula have also progressed to the semi finals of the cup. Unlucky on Your Ad Here, their closest title rivals, who lost out 83-82. They’ll face current league champions and former cup finalists, Neil Madrid, who overcame Pretty Schitty City 83-76. Neil Madrid can count themselves lucky having opted to put Hector Bellerin on the bench. Roberto Firmino’s injury promoted Bellerin and added an extra 12 points to their total. Rico United lost out to Upper Bullens and The Craggy Islanders completed a semi final line up of three teams from the bottom half by beating Shoelace.

The common denominator to all the 80+ scores was Harry Kane’s player of the week performance against Bournemouth. Two goals, an assist and top bonus totals 16 points – 32 if you hand him the armband, as the majority of managers did this week. That includes Scotty2hotty who emerge as this weeks best scoring team topping the 90 point mark. He joins a group of three players who have won the award twice this season – the others being Riyad Mahrez, Ross Barkley and Kevin De Bruyne. He looks the player most likely to catch Riyad Mahrez on current scoring rates and has moved into third on the overall points chart.

FC Caligula remain strong favourites to win the title, and look odds on to complete a first ever double. They have yet to play their second wildcard or any of their chips. Respect to Your Ad Here who are clinging on, desperate not to let them out of their sight, and almost matching them point for point. YAH are two chips poorer. If Caligula misplay their chips and YAH hit the jackpot with their triple captain, there could be a change in the lead. Caligula are Leicester. YAH are Spurs.


Player of the week – Harry Kane – 16 points. In emphatic form at the moment.

Bargain of the week – Federico Fernandez – 15 points. The Villa factor.

Donkey of the week – Martin Skrtel – -1 points. Came on at half time when Liverpool were 2-0 up. They lost 3-2.

Goal of the week – Graziano Pelle. Back in amongst it. 28 points in two weeks.




Gameweek 31 preview

19 Mar 12:45 Everton v Arsenal
19 Mar 15:00 Chelsea v West Ham
19 Mar 15:00 Crystal Palace v Leicester
19 Mar 15:00 Watford v Stoke
19 Mar 15:00 West Brom v Norwich
19 Mar 17:30 Swansea v Aston Villa
20 Mar 13:30 Newcastle v Sunderland
20 Mar 13:30 Southampton v Liverpool
20 Mar 16:00 Man City v Man Utd
20 Mar 16:00 Spurs v Bournemouth


Nevermind this week. Click forward a few weeks. We have some double gameweeks. And they’re big. Gameweek 34 has expanded to 15 games, whilst gameweek 37 now has 14. To throw an extra spanner in the works, gameweek 35 has been reduced to seven fixtures due to it being FA Cup semi final weekend. And I think there’s still one game left to reschedule by my calculations. Although they have been known to be wrong.

Manchester United, Watford, Everton, Liverpool and West Ham play twice in both double gameweeks. None of those teams play in the reduced gameweek. Newcastle, Manchester City, Arsenal and West Brom play twice in double gameweek 34 and then again in the reduced gameweek. Leicester and Spurs, meanwhile, play just once each week – but hey, at least they play every week. How you use that information is up to you. You’ll probably need a wildcard to get the most out of gameweeks 34, 35 and 37, but even then you’ve still got to figure out exactly when to play it.

So, how far ahead to start any planning? Any doubts about Arsenal and Manchester City’s form might have to be put to one side until Gameweek 35 passes. Leicester and Spurs’ consistent reliability probably shouldn’t be ignored. This week offers up two very winnable games for both teams. And, the Villa factor could come into play again this weekend. Swansea will probably seal their Premiership status with a win against the league’s bottom club. Unfortunately, they’ve no double gameweek interest and they face a run of potentially tricky ties in the aftermath of this match.

The whole thing is giving me a massive headache already.

It’s Buckets Cup quarter final weekend. We’ve an even split of top half and bottom half teams. Rico United come up against Upper Bullens, meaning at least one from the lower reaches will make it through to the semi final. FC Caligula play their nearest title rivals, Your Ad Here, in the tie of the weekend.