Gameweek 17 preview

December 16, 2016

Crystal Palace v Chelsea
Middlesbrough v Swansea
Stoke v Leicester
Sunderland v Watford
West Ham v Hull
West Brom v Man Utd
Bournemouth v Southampton
Man City v Arsenal
Spurs v Burnley
Everton v Liverpool

As usual with the Christmas schedule, previews and resuts round ups are either very quick or written while drunk. You might find that the Christmas week games are all previewed and rounded up together. That might even include gameweek 20, which is the first gameweek of the New Year. Then there’s a big old gap of a fortnight while we get the 3rd round of the FA Cup out of the way. I’ll try to at least update on the December manager of the month.

For the remaining three weeks of the month, it’d be foolish to look anywhere other than (YAWN!) Chelsea. There may have been a few frustrated managers at Eden Hazard’s latest injury lay off, although he’s not exactly getting in among the points at the moment. Leading the Chelsea midfield form table is Cesc Fabregas, who appears to have patiently worked his way into his manager’s thoughts with some impressive substitute displays. He replaced Nemanja Matic from the start against Sunderland and duly got a goal. Could this be a permanent swap?

West Ham’s players haven’t featured in these previews too often this season. Improved performances have garnered four points from their last two games, including a clean sheet against Burnley and a close run thing against Liverpool. Their remaining December fixtures offer points potential. Andy Carroll and Dimitri Payet are the obvious ways in, although the latter comes at a price as you’d expect.

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Gameweek 9 results

October 24, 2016

same Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
40 512
up QUEEN OF THE NORTH
DORINE REACHER
49 495
same Aquamar 15
Noel Driver
45 493
down nO fucHs given
Paul Callaghan
41 493
same Uriah Rennie 2nd XI
Neil Greenwood
50 491
up When Harry met Alli
Trevor Gordon
60 474
same Joey Bosa
Paul Bentz
45 471
same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
49 469
down To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
41 468
10  same 4 Fuchs Ake
Jason Earwicker
43 463
11  up Yeboah’s Right Foot
Paul Murray
50 460
12  up RICO UNITED
JASON REACHER
47 457
13  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
38 456
14  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
48 455
15  up Hedgehog Corpse FC
Nick Smith
52 449
16  down 30:19
Darren Lavelle
32 448
17  up greenyteamy
adam greenwood
59 444
18  down Go Buffoons Go
Jitesh Lakhani
42 443
19  down Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
38 442
20  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
54 436
21  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
39 426
22  up Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
43 423
23  same Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
42 423
24  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
24 418
25  up Cooksters
Peter Cook
48 414
26  same Crazy Legs XI
David Caldicott
33 413
27  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
39 413
28  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
39 407
29  down Ciderheads
Darren Pope
25 405
30  same Jeff Lamp’s Porsche
David Spinks
38 405
31  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
47 402
32  down FTM
Stu Smith
34 402
33  same RG XV
Ryan Garoghan
35 398
34  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
54 397
35  same romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
39 393
36  down Jarvis FC
Matt Jarvis
26 392
37  up Hucking Fell
P Hawkins
54 386
38  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
35 381
39  up jetty city
scott mcgow
46 371
40  up Racing Club Skegness
Andrew Swift
59 370
41  down Big White Chiefs
david frankland
20 370
42  down Bermie Utd
Glen Davies
38 366
43  down Bish Bosh Goal
Simon Purnell
25 365
44  same Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
42 364
45  down Have a little dink
Ian Williams
31 356
46  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
33 347
47  down I am not Zlatan
Colin Goulding
29 345
48  up Pepe Le Blue
DEAN CRIPPS
41 344
49  down DJ’s Trail Blazers
Danian Jones
27 337
50  same bazza 28 united
laura barrett
38 334
51  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
49 320
52  down Dj daz
darren frankland
32 312
53  same Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
39 303

It was one of those weekends where the form players and the big guns had a few days off. Only nine of us mustered a score over 50. The winning weekly total of 60 was the lowest of the season so far and was achieved by When Harry Met Alli, whose highest scores came from the more unlikley areas of their team. Clean sheets for Stoke and Watford and a first Premier League goal for Christian Fuchs contributed 21 of those points. Choosing Dimitri Payet as captain may not sound all that ridiculous, but the West Ham talisman’s slightly under the radar (but still pretty decent) start has been overshadowed somewhat by the overall form of his team. Although it’s two wins and two clean sheets on the spin now.

WHMA had slightly less bad luck with their elite bunch than everyone else it seems. Another blank for Aguero – that’s just two points in three weeks now – came in alongside an unexpected low return from Alexis Sanchez and just an assist from Romelu Lukaku. The weeks scoring is perhaps best summed up by the fact that despite Chelsea netting four times against Manchester United, Diego Costa was not among those goalscorers.

Player of the week – Xherdan Shaqiri – 15 points. Two lovely goals.

Bargain of the week – Scott Arfield – 12 points. Burnley strong at home

Donkey of the week – Eric Bailly – -1 points. Shit.

Goal of the week – Christian Fuchs. A close call with Shaqiri’s first.

Gameweek 2 preview

August 16, 2016

Man Utd v Southampton

Stoke v Man City

Burnley v Liverpool

Spurs v Crystal Palace

Swansea v Hull

Watford v Chelsea

West Brom v Everton

Leicester v Arsenal

Sunderland v Middlesbrough

West Ham v Bournemouth

Our first Friday night fixture of the season sees Southampton travel to Old Trafford. It’s an 8 o’clock kick off. Your team needs to be readied an hour earlier than that. Potentially making his debut will be Paul Pogba, who’ll set you back a relatively cheap sounding £8.5 million. The man most likely to miss out is Juan Mata. But that’s alright, because I don’t think too many people expected him to start last week anyway. 

Chris Smalling is back from his ban and could come in for Daley Blind, completing what could be a first choice United back five for the foreseeable future. Matteo Darmian appears completely out of favour, nailing the full back slots for Antonio Valencia and Lake Shaw. New signing Eric Bailly completes the back four with David De Gea in nets. 

It’s not so clear cut across town at the Etihad. The full backs are still on rotation. It might take a few weeks to get a handle on Guardiola’s feelings towards Sagna, Zabaleta, Clichy and Kolarov. Maybe he prefers a particular pairing for the league and the other two for Europe. Otamendi and Stones will play in the middle until Kompany is fit, but that doesn’t look like it will be until September, at which point he’ll probably suffer another setback. Joe Hart is toast. Providing Pep gets his back four playing, Willy Caballero, could be good for early season clean sheets. Until the cash is splashed on the sweeper keeper. 

Looking good to follow on from last week’s clean sheet are Swansea who play Hull at home. Perhaps in anticipation of this, two Swans have seen their value increase. Stephen Kingsley and Leroy Fer will now set you back £4.1 and £5.1 respectively. Jordi Amat, who has filled in the position vacated by Ashley Williams, is still at £4 million. They’ve improved the squad predominantly in attack with the additions of Fernando Llorente and Borja Baston, both of whom should feature this weekend. Llorente marked his debut last weekend with the assist to Fer’s goal. 

And will we finally see the return to action of all those poor lambs that needed the extra week off to recover from the Euros? Arsenal will be glad to see the return of Laurent Koscielny in particular. Also, Mesut Ozil and Olivier Giroud should surely be ready for action. Dimitri Payet got 24 minutes against Chelsea. You’d expect him to start in the Hammers home tie against Bournemouth – their first in league match their new stadium. There’s definite points potential there.

Gameweek 32 results

April 6, 2016

1 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 65 1,852
2 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 51 1,815
3 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 61 1,769
4 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 64 1,768
5 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 78 1,762
6 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 58 1,756
7 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 66 1,744
8 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 76 1,741
9 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 52 1,738
10 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 62 1,737
11 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 56 1,720
12 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 53 1,714
13 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 58 1,714
14 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 64 1,707
15 SS3 FC Paul Murray 40 1,698
16 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 55 1,698
17 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 65 1,692
18 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 68 1,692
19 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 67 1,690
20 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 51 1,680
21 Init fc Mustafa khan 66 1,677
22 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 72 1,677
23 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 45 1,674
24 Howayman Mark Bromham 68 1,673
25 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 56 1,668
26 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 45 1,651
27 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 64 1,640
28 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 59 1,631
29 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 55 1,627
30 Below Par Paul Bentz 51 1,612
31 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 53 1,596
32 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 52 1,586
33 RICO UNITED JASON REACHER 61 1,569
34 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 67 1,569
35 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 59 1,545
36 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 38 1,529
37 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 69 1,522
38 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 43 1,496
39 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 50 1,446
40 Ciderheads Darren Pope 39 1,438
41 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 39 1,437
42 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 28 1,321
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 34 1,230
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 33 1,173

 

As well as easily being the best player pun team name in the league this year, The Kolarov Mane is also the highest scoring team of gameweek 32. Their 78 points sees them leap into 5th place overall, right back in the mix for the 3rd and 4th place prizes. With the double gameweeks on the horizon, teams as far down as 14th and maybe even further could still be in the mix for placing prizes.

Kolarov Mane played their second wildcard ahead of this week bringing in 11 new players and clearly tailoring their squad for the upcoming double headers. Hector Bellerin and Dimitri Payet were the most effective, both scoring double figure scores.

The Villa factor reaped it’s rewards again this week as a patched up Chelsea strolled to a 4-0 pummeling over the league’s bottom team. There were five Chelsea players among the weeks highest scorers with seven points or more – Pedro scoring higher than anyone. Amazingly, the captain of the title favourites and league leaders is still only worth £4.4 million pounds. Wes Morgan was the bargain buy of the week.

FC Caligula will play The Craggy Islanders in the Buckets Cup Final. Caligula kept up their quest for an unprecedented double with a skin of their teeth victory over Neil Madrid by       65-64. Both had almost identical squads with the difference being, arguably, the Christian Fuchs assist for Wes Morgan’s goal in Leicester’s victory over Southampton. The other semi was more clear cut. The Craggy Islanders saw off Upper Bullens with the third highest score of the week. Although their All Out Attack chip might feel a little wasted. The two defenders they played picked up more points than their three attackers, and they’d have picked up an extra point by simply sticking to a standard 3-4-3 or 3-5-2.

 

Player of the week – Pedro – 16 points. He was meant to do this a lot more often.

Bargain of the week – Wes Morgan – 15 points. And with this joins Fuchs and Huth in the top 10 defenders.

Donkey of the week – Alan Hutton – -3 points. Somehow the first Villa donkey of the season.

Goal of the week – Dimitri Payet. Stupid free kick looks like he took it with an Impossiball.

 

Gameweek 29 results

March 7, 2016

1 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 84 1,641
2 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 85 1,623
3 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 83 1,572
4 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 75 1,571
5 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 75 1,567
6 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 70 1,555
7 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 72 1,543
8 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 60 1,542
9 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 86 1,539
10 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 89 1,533
11 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 81 1,528
12 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 75 1,527
13 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 75 1,526
14 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 60 1,525
15 SS3 FC Paul Murray 64 1,523
16 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 71 1,515
17 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 63 1,513
18 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 61 1,513
19 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 86 1,512
20 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 57 1,502
21 Init fc Mustafa khan 70 1,495
22 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 59 1,486
23 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 65 1,485
24 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 80 1,484
25 Howayman Mark Bromham 63 1,481
26 Below Par Paul Bentz 40 1,468
27 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 79 1,459
28 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 65 1,453
29 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 59 1,443
30 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 66 1,431
31 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 78 1,423
32 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 41 1,417
33 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 45 1,404
34 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 37 1,377
35 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 54 1,365
36 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 67 1,354
37 RICO UNITED JASON REACHER 86 1,354
38 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 65 1,322
39 Ciderheads Darren Pope 63 1,316
40 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 57 1,307
41 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 49 1,271
42 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 53 1,216
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 43 1,131
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 33 1,098

 

Quick one this week. Walking With Memphis have won manager of the week again. They won it last week, so no prizes for guessing who heads the March manager of the month table. Nine of their eleven players contributed, and they took full advantage of the inevitable Manchester City goal blitz against Villa. Although it probably could and should have been even more convincing. WWM’s City contingent scored 37 of their 89 point total. And it moves them into the top 10. In two weeks they’ve climbed fourteen places and to within 40 points of Europe. There’s still hope.

The first round of the Buckets Cup saw early exits for Rocky Ba Bauer and Atletico Chappers. And there’ll be a new name on the trophy as Sergio Five 0 were knocked out by FC Caligula. Progress to the quarter finals wont be easy for our league leaders as they’ve been drawn against The Golden Boys, who posted their best score for sometime, helped by a triple captain Aguero. See the full round two draw on the cup link.

 

Player of the week – Dimitri Payet – 13 points. His first award.

Bargain of the week – Joshua King – 13 points. Condemning Newcastle to the Championship.

Donkey of the week – Juan Mata – -2 points. He’s not meant to get sent off.

Goal of the week – Harry Kane. His first contender.

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