Gameweek 30 results

1  up Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
43 1748
2  down Hornets
Andrew Wade
23 1745
3  same The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
48 1744
4  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
49 1724
5  up Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
59 1710
6  same Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
37 1705
7  up Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
48 1700
8  same Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
47 1699
9  down The winnings R mine
david bruce
31 1698
10  down Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
14 1697
11  same greenyteamy
adam greenwood
41 1687
12  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
64 1687
13  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
42 1672
14  same INIT FC
Mustafa khan
47 1668
15  up Queen of the north
DORINE REACHER
52 1662
16  up Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
62 1655
17  down It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
36 1655
18  same Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
53 1654
19  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
31 1651
20  down Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
38 1638
21  down Rico united
JASON REACHER
42 1638
22  same We are Ayling
Paul Murray
37 1629
23  same Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
45 1626
24  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
46 1616
25  up Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
72 1609
26  same Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
37 1599
27  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
24 1597
28  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
54 1594
29  same Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
47 1591
30  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
25 1587
31  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
33 1585
32  down musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
28 1570
33  up Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
47 1569
34  same King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
34 1565
35  up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
45 1564
36  down Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
20 1564
37  down blakes11
Steven Darling
37 1553
38  same Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
31 1547
39  same mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
69 1530
40  same cookster fc
Peter Cook
54 1510
41  up FTM
Stu Smith
45 1484
42  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
56 1475
43  down Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
25 1474
44  same romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
48 1471
45  down Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
23 1470
46  down iamgroot
scott mcgow
50 1469
47  same disco dancer
darren frankland
24 1416
48  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
39 1408
49  same Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
42 1389
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
57 1268

 

Buckets Cup semi finals

The final of the 2018 Buckets Cup will be between Game Of Throw Ins and Emergency Gap Jumper. GOTI beat Hornets, who had the unluckiest of gameweeks. As well as semi final defeat, they also lost their lead at the top of the table, no thanks to their strike force accumulating -1 points from 43 minutes of football played between them. They weren’t the only team to suffer from the Jordan Ayew sending off and the Harry Kane injury. Most of us had Harry Kane as captain. Emergecy Gap jumper were one of the few to continue with Mo Salah. In truth, had both EGJ and their opponents, Atletico Chappers, chose Kane, the result wouldn’t have been any different, but following that rare blank from the Egyptian, a single goal from the Spurs striker would have seen Chappers progress at EGJ’s expense. And now we’re wondering whether he’s out for the season.

It’s pure coincidence that the final has been drawn to be played in the reduced GW31. It’ll be interesting to see how our finalists play it. As it stands both teams have six potential starters and a remaining wildcard. Game Of Throw Ins have two free transfers. Arguably, they’re also in with a chance of league victory, sitting just 41 points behind our top team. EGJ are 94 points back from first and 70 points adrift from fourth. There’s an outside chance of league money, but that’s a lot less likely than their opponents. Of the eight teams that are playing, there’s not an awful lot to choose from. I guarantee three Liverpool players in both teams, but after that you’re picking and choosing from a pretty woeful bunch, bar maybe Xherdan Shaqiri. Only four players appear in the top 30 overall scorers. Where’s it going to leave you by the time GW32 comes round?

Manager of the week – David Caldicott – Crazylegs XI – 72 points

Classic ghostship material. Here we all are trying to negotiate the choppy waters ahead leading into GW31 and from out of nowhere comes Crazylegs, who lost interest around Christmas, captained by David Silva. They’ve been captained by David Silva since November. All the way through the time he was out and back in Spain for family reasons. They took eight points from the bench from two replacement players. They picked up six points from the first Arsenal clean sheet since the days of John Lukic and leapt eight places above a clutch of teams who I guarantee spent all week agonising over their team picks. Bastards.

Player of the week – Kenedy – 16 points

A double that did for Mauricio Pellegrino and yo-yo’d Newcastle back up to mid table in this crazy relegation race. The Brazilian has been a regular starter since his loan move, will cost you only £4.7 million and is averaging 6 points a game. Newcastle have a double gameweek on the horizon and he must be a consideration for a bench boost squad.

Bargain of the week – Chris Wood – 15 points

Back after a long injury lay off and has 20 points in two weeks. However, both totals were amassed from substitute appearances and it’ll be tough to dislodge Ashley Barnes from the Burnley central striker role given the form that he is also in at the moment. Having said that Sean Dyche has brought Wood on in both matches to partner Barnes, so whose to say he wouldn’t consider starting them both.

Twat of the week – Jordan Ayew – -2 points

Now you’ve got to start searching for a new third striker. There aren’t many out there. Ayew was fulfilling that role quite nicely until the 10th minute of Swansea’s game against Huddersfield on Saturday. Imagine having him alongside Kane and Aguero for the weekend. Three players not even completing a half of football. Imagine.

Goal of the week – Jamie Vardy. 

Definite GOTS contender – 27s in.

 

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Gameweek 13 results

1 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 57 716
2 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 64 694
3 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 53 693
4 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 57 680
5 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 71 670
6 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 46 669
7 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 59 669
8 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 54 668
9 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 78 668
10 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 62 666
11 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 44 663
12 Below Par Paul Bentz 60 653
13 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 53 653
14 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 78 653
15 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 65 646
16 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 72 646
17 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 76 643
18 Init fc Mustafa khan 57 642
19 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 59 640
20 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 70 635
21 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 66 627
22 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 52 625
23 Howayman Mark Bromham 59 621
24 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 53 621
25 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 57 620
26 SS3 FC Paul Murray 44 612
27 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 62 610
28 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 36 606
29 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 42 604
30 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 40 588
31 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 74 586
32 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 55 584
33 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 79 576
34 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 78 576
35 RICO UNITED JASON REACHER 37 567
36 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 50 564
37 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 42 564
38 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 68 557
39 Ciderheads Darren Pope 55 551
40 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 57 544
41 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 57 542
42 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 41 528
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 37 498
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 61 438

 

Crazylegs are the top scorers this week, heading a clutch of teams that hit the high 70’s. Given that it looks like they came into the gameweek carrying five injured or doubtful players, their 79 point total is quite an achievement. The key was the transferring in of Harry Kane, and then making him captain. Kane scored 13 points (26 for Crazylegs) – a total that moves him to the top of the form charts. It’s eight goals in seven games for Kane – and it’s seven in seven for Romelu Lukaku (second in the form charts). Most of the teams posting 70+ scores had one or both of them in their line ups. Crazylegs didn’t have Lukaku, but did have player of the week, Ross Barkley. Everton players have won four player of the week awards – two more than any other team – and dominate the attacking form charts, having scored 11 goals in their last three games.

It’s a great week for Leicester City. It might be the best weekend in their history, not to undermine their League cup successes of fairly recent years. Teams like Leicester might get a week or two at the top of the league in August. The fact that they’ve climbed to the summit in November is extraordinary. Two Leicester fans sit in the top three of the Buckets League too. It’s no coincidence. Both PSC and Caligula’s blind faith in Riyad Mahrez and Jamie Vardy has paid dividends, and then some. They’ve been in the starting line up of both teams from the start. It appears PSC have made one or the other captain almost every week as well. They’re the two highest scoring players in the game, and it’s very likely that one of them will be the first to pass the 100 point barrier. If they were both to do it next weekend against Manchester United it would probably eclipse this weekend’s achievement. As well as the team climbing to the top of the league, Jamie Vardy must get his obligatory weekly mention, having equaled the Premier League consecutive game scoring record. How many more weeks can it continue? He does look capable of scoring against anyone at the moment.

 

Player of the week – Ross Barkley – 19 points. Following in the footsteps of Lukaku, Naismith and Kone.

Bargain of the week – Erik Pieters – 12 points. Added assist points to the now almost obligatory Stoke clean sheet. It’s five shut-outs in the last six.

Donkey of the week – Eliaquim Mangala – -2 points. Another bad week for City.

Goal of the week – James Morrison. A better goal than it was given credit for at the weekend I think.

 

Gameweek 32 results

1 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 49 1,816
2 Pescara Rangers Stewart Pope 51 1,793
3 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 44 1,783
4 NaboombuDirtyYellows Andrew Swift 51 1,756
5 RayCrawfordsCrackers Rob Hewer 65 1,747
6 * Your Ad Here * Matthew Hopkins 60 1,722
7 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 35 1,720
8 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 45 1,719
9 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 43 1,705
10 Gaalatcticos Colin Goulding 52 1,695
11 Van Damme United P Hawkins 78 1,688
12 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 65 1,669
13 Ciderheads Darren Pope 48 1,669
14 Who R U DEAN CRIPPS 50 1,636
15 Accrington Rudyard Ian Williams 53 1,634
16 Paris Spinks Germain David Spinks 55 1,628
17 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 51 1,621
18 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 61 1,619
19 Biscuitmen Chris Morton 42 1,617
20 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 55 1,583
21 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 47 1,571
22 Get to the choppa Mark Bromham 41 1,545
23 No Recognized Plan Paul Bentz 40 1,516
24 Luxembourg United Simon Smallbone 59 1,505
25 Real Jorvik FC Simon Brown 56 1,491
26 Sportingabiggerwig Alex Ritchie 48 1,488
27 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 53 1,447
28 Crazylegs XI David Caldicott 78 1,406
29 Jordie’s Giants Jordan Raper 26 1,155

 

This seasons winners of the Buckets Cup are….Who R U. The league newcomers overcame Hedgehog Corpse in the final by 50 points to 44. Hedgehog scored three goals to Who R U’s one, but kept less clean sheets, made less assists and picked up less bonus points. Congratulations Who RU.

Manager of the week is Crazylegs. Another surprise seeing as how they gave up playing in week two. They and Van Damme United both collected 78 points – far and away the best scores of the week – but Crazylegs scored three goals to Van Damme’s two, and so claim the award.

Nothing much changed at the top. The top four all scored within seven points of each other, and around the average weekly score of 46 points. A couple of chasing teams scored well and both RayCrawfordsCrackers and *Your Ad Here* pulled themselves back into contention for a top four place. With a blank and a double gameweek to come before the end of April there is more than enough opportunity to catch the leading pack. Pescara won the last double gameweek with a 60 point swing on those scoring the average for the week, so even those teams in the high 1600’s should still consider themselves in with a chance.

Last week Christian Benteke equalled Dusan Tadic’s highest weekly individual score of 23 points. This week Yannick Bolasie beat it. Bolasie picked up all three bonus points for scoring three and assisting the other of Palace’s four against Sunderland. Glen Murray, who scored the fourth, is in even better form. That was his sixth in seven games and his third consecutive double figure total. He’s just pipped to the bargain buy of the week by Ashley Young, whose value of £4.9 million seems staggeringly low for that of a (now) regular attacking starter in a top three team. His reputation obviously still goes before him, as does that of Angel Di Maria who he’s keeping out of the team. Ten times more managers own Young than Di Maria.

 

Player of the week – Yannick Bolasie – 24 points. Can he hold onto the points record with two double gameweeks to come.

Bargain of the week – Ashley Young – 14 points. None of United’s starting midfielders will cost you more than £8.5 million and all are scoring well.

Donkey of the week – Vincent Kompany – -1 points. Probably long overdue for his well below par season.

Goal of the week – Aaron Cresswell. Banging free kick. Shocking video.

 

 

Gameweek 32 results

1 Romeo’s-honda-van Rob Hewer 55 1,983
2 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 55 1,935
3 The Magico Rob Buttaci 65 1,922
4 Sportingoffensivewig Alex Ritchie 61 1,920
5 Shakin’ Stephens P Hawkins 56 1,918
6 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 38 1,883
7 Ciderheads Darren Pope 55 1,855
8 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 86 1,855
9 {Your Ad Here} Matthew Hopkins 52 1,849
10 NaboombuDirtyYellows Andrew Swift 53 1,839
11 Crazylegs Xi David Caldicott 46 1,835
12 Upper Bullens Scouse Mouse 33 1,783
13 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 57 1,777
14 Have a little dink Ian Williams 63 1,776
15 pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 46 1,766
16 Mid-Season Blip Paul Bentz 53 1,744
17 Kedah FA David Spinks 56 1,726
18 Rien Toulouse Colin Goulding 35 1,725
19 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 56 1,690
20 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 48 1,684
21 Biscuitmen Chris Morton 49 1,682
22 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 47 1,660
23 Release the Hounds Paul Mitchell 45 1,660
24 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 70 1,654
25 Real Jorvik Simon Brown 52 1,631
26 Inter Minan Jordan Raper 86 1,527

 

Crazylegs XI are the 2013-2014 Buckets Cup winners. In a low scoring final, they defeated Neil Madrid by 46 points to 38. Neither side fared particularly well in terms of weekly scores, and both dropped further off the pace in the league, but Crazylegs become the first Buckets team to be a league and cup champion, so congratulations to them.

Neil Madrid’s poor score this week may have narrowed down the title race to the top five teams. Romeo’s maintained their strong lead at the top, but the chasing four teams all either matched or scored slightly higher than the leaders. Panza’s 55 points was enough to hold off Shakin’ Stephens for the March manager of the month award.

1 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 55 383
2 Shakin’ Stephens P Hawkins 56 380
3 Sportingoffensivewig Alex Ritchie 61 363
4 Romeo’s-honda-van Rob Hewer 55 362
5 The Magico Rob Buttaci 65 351

They went into this week level on points, but Shaky opted for two transfers and it was the four point penalty which cost them the monthly award. The top five showed their dominance again by ending as the top five teams for March.

Two teams hit a massive 86 points for week 32. Inter Minan pip Rip Roaring Reds to be the weekly winner. They scored six goals to the Reds’ five. If only Inter had been this prolific from the start of the season. A total of 59 of Inter’s 86 points came from the two teams that hit four without reply this week. Namely Fonte, Lallana and Rodriguez for Southampton, with Henderson and Suarez for Liverpool.

Player of the week – Jonathan De Guzman – 16 points. Swansea starting to show signs that they should be safe.

Bargain of the week – Joel Ward – 12 points. Destroyed the weekend of all those relying on a Chelsea contingent.

Donkey of the week – Younes Kaboul – -3 points. For the second time in four weeks. Well done Younes

Goal of the week – Morgan Amalfitano. Better than Rooney’s goal. I saw a debate on Sky Sports about whether he meant it. He did. If this had been Wayne Rooney, there wouldn’t have been any such debate.

 

Gameweek 31 results

1 Romeo’s-honda-van Rob Hewer 158 1,932
2 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 161 1,880
3 Shakin’ Stephens P Hawkins 165 1,866
4 Sportingoffensivewig Alex Ritchie 124 1,859
5 The Magico Rob Buttaci 152 1,857
6 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 161 1,849
7 Ciderheads Darren Pope 133 1,800
8 {Your Ad Here} Matthew Hopkins 132 1,797
9 Crazylegs Xi David Caldicott 158 1,789
10 NaboombuDirtyYellows Andrew Swift 125 1,786
11 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 120 1,773
12 Upper Bullens Scouse Mouse 129 1,770
13 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 146 1,724
14 pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 115 1,720
15 Have a little dink Ian Williams 141 1,713
16 Mid-Season Blip Paul Bentz 134 1,691
17 Rien Toulouse Colin Goulding 155 1,690
18 Kedah FA David Spinks 132 1,670
19 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 116 1,636
20 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 134 1,634
21 Biscuitmen Chris Morton 136 1,633
22 Release the Hounds Paul Mitchell 138 1,619
23 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 121 1,613
24 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 131 1,584
25 Real Jorvik Simon Brown 133 1,579
26 Inter Minan Jordan Raper 107 1,441

 

Saturday:- And many people’s best laid plans will probably have been completely ruined after 17 minutes of the first game as Eden Hazard stroked the ball home from the penalty spot to put single gameweekers Chelsea 3-0 up at double gameweekers Arsenal. Chelsea added another three to effectively post a double gameweeks worth of scoring in one match. And in doing so, reduce to tears those relying on their double gameweeking Arsenal contingent to get in amongst the big points. Each of Arsenal’s starting back four scored minus points, with the unfortunate Kieran Gibbs ending on -5. His red card will be rescinded, but his fantasy points, unfortunately for some, will not be.

Around 1pm today we were probably all regretting moving Chelsea players out of our teams. Four hours later, we’re rejoicing the almost universal selection of Suarez as captain, and the other transfer choices we made involving red Scousers and sky blue Mancs.

Thus far Yaya Toure leads the way with 21 points after a hat trick which included scoring the second best goal of the day. Suarez is one behind on 20 points. His hat trick was his third of the season. It’s likely that one of those two will eventually post this season’s highest gameweek score for a player. It’s currently held by Suarez who bagged 24 points in gameweek 14. The highest single gameweek score by a Buckets manager has already been beaten. Again in gameweek 14, Romeo’s notched 110 points, but with seven games still remaining of this gameweek, Shakin’ Stephens have already reached 120 points, while Panza Grande are just behind with 114. There are no other teams over 100 points but plenty bubbling under in the 90’s who will almost certainly pass the century barrier by the end of Wednesday night.

As well as those with Arsenal players, managers who banked on Sunderland and West Ham will be feeling slightly disappointed. West Ham have an easier game to come in midweek, but Sunderland’s 2-0 defeat to Norwich brought little cheer to those who saw long term double gameweek benefits in picking out a few Mackem players for their squads. It was left to Vito Mannone – again – to offer some hope. Six saves boosted his total to three points. Those relying on the Sunderland keeper will be hoping for a similar performance in midweek against Liverpool. He’ll certainly have plenty of shots to save.

Everton scored three but were let down defensively. A clean sheet looked more than likely against struggling Swansea, but only Leighton Baines, who scored a penalty, contributed anything from their back four. Those who took a punt on Lukaku, Mirallas and/or Barkley will be less disappointed.

Hull offered the best cheap options with a 2-0 defeat of West Brom. Liam Rosenior, at £3.9 million, the pick of the bunch. He netted their first goal and picked up three bonus marks. Newcastle’s defence offered a clean sweep of clean sheets and bonus marks, and even managers who took a wild punt on Manchester United turning in a performance will be pleasantly surprised. Picking Wayne Rooney, at his price, may have been considered a risk, but his 13 points equalled his best single game return of the season. And he scored the third best goal of the day. Well done Wayne.

Sunday:- At first glance, the games didn’t seem to be particularly significant today, with all four teams only competing once this week. However, they banged in 10 goals between them and offered up some big individual points scores. Having said that, looking at the league table, not too much has changed. Have A Little Dink have broken the 100 point barrier. Adam Lallana’s nine point score carried them over that threshold. It was the Southampton players in particular that gave a small boost to Buckets teams today. Rodriguez and Lambert offered a goal and an assist. I’m not sure anyone had Christian Eriksen who achieved the highest score of the day with 18 points.

The cup semi finals are poised nicely, in particular the game between (Your Ad Here) and Neil Madrid. It stands at 91-91. Neil Madrid have 10 players potentially playing over Tuesday and Wednesday night to (Your Ad Here)’s 7, and the same player (Suarez) set as captain. In the other semi, Crazylegs lead Inter Minan by 91 points to 73. It’s a tough ask for Inter. They’ll be regretting leaving Liam Rosenior on their bench. Had he been picked, Inter could have been two points behind, and with an equal amount of potential midweek players.

Tuesday:- Only four teams now remain below the 100 point barrier. Inter Minan are one of them, and it looks like their cup run may have come to an end, with semi final opponents Crazylegs having reached 127 points. Upper Bullens, Shoelace Untied and Bermie United are the other three, but all should pass the mark tomorrow. Tonight’s games served up another 10 goals. Fifteen games in a gameweek was always likely to provide 100+ scores, but the avalanche of goals has put some teams in with an outside chance of hitting 200. Another hat trick from Suarez tomorrow night against Sunderland could see Panza Grande and Shakin’ Stephens hit those heights. It looks like it’s between those two teams for the highest weekly score of the season award. Panza sit on 154 to Shaky’s 147. They’re also leading the way for the manager of the month award. More of that next week.

It was City and Everton that came up trumps tonight, with Arsenal’s title challenge probably finally coming to an end with a draw at home against Swansea. So many players have achieved double figure scores this week. Eight City players and five Everton players did so. Compare that to only two from Arsenal and one from United. Yaya Toure bagged another goal tonight and two more bonus points taking him on to a massive 31 points for a single week. Luis Suarez will need to score at least two and assist another with top bonus marks to beat him. In any other week Martin Dimichelis’s 20 points or Samir Nasri’s 15 points would be enough to win a player award. Well done to anyone who picked out those three as their City contingent.

Ross Barkley looks the best bargain of the week. He currently has 20 points, having scored twice – once in each game. Romelu Lukaku’s also scored twice this week and he’s finished on 18 points. Again – in any other week, those two scores bag you an award. Good goal by Barkley. Better than Rooney’s.

Wednesday:- Everybody made it over 100 points. The highest weekly score was inevitably beaten. Shakin’ Stephens will claim the £10 prize unless something miraculous happens. It’ll be a long time before Buckets sees a higher weekly score than 165 points. Kudos to Panza and Neil Madrid for reaching 161. The games last night produced another six goals and a sting in the tail for those who’d taken a punt on Allan McGregor or James Chester. The Hull keeper was sent off. Chester scored an own goal. Liverpool didn’t take Sunderland to the cleaners as expected – but did enough. And the usual suspects aided by a Steven Gerrard free kick got them he goals. Luis Suarez didn’t add too much more to his score, and didn’t overtake Yaya Toure as player of the week, but as most of us had him as captain, did add 50 points to most manager’s final scores. You’d have got 62 points by giving Toure the armband.

In the cup, the final will be between Neil Madrid and Crazylegs XI. Madrid had too much for (YAH), eventually winning 161-132. Crazylegs had it slightly easier, beating Inter Minan 158-103. Good effort Inter.

Player of the week – Yaya Toure – 31 points. Battling with Hazard to be the top midfielder.

Bargains of the week – Ross Barkley – 21 points. Possibly booked his ticket to Brazil this week.

Donkey of the week – Fernando Amorebieta – -4 points. Conference quality.

Goal of the week – Alexander Tettey. Technique, power, precision, harder ball to hit, smaller target to aim at. Looks better. Hit harder. And faster. Fuck Wayne Rooney.