Gameweek 34 results

1  same The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
106 2069
2  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
107 2008
3  down Hornets
Andrew Wade
74 1985
4  up Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
91 1984
5  down Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
76 1982
6  down Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
81 1981
7  same FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
105 1980
8  same Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
99 1969
9  up greenyteamy
adam greenwood
78 1940
10  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
112 1938
11  down Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
69 1933
12  same Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
83 1928
13  same The winnings R mine
david bruce
80 1925
14  down Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
65 1922
15  down Queen of the north
DORINE REACHER
82 1916
16  down Rico united
JASON REACHER
83 1908
17  same Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
63 1889
18  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
113 1885
19  same We are Ayling
Paul Murray
93 1882
20  same It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
73 1879
21  down Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
57 1872
22  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
72 1870
23  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
74 1866
24  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
73 1852
25  same Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
83 1845
26  same Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
81 1837
27  down Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
89 1837
28  up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
91 1834
29  same Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
75 1823
30  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
64 1818
31  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
82 1812
32  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
75 1807
33  up mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
70 1800
34  down Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
56 1799
35  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
52 1797
36  same musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
64 1791
37  same FTM
Stu Smith
73 1785
38  same King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
93 1783
39  same blakes11
Steven Darling
80 1757
40  up cookster fc
Peter Cook
68 1717
41  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
73 1707
42  down iamgroot
scott mcgow
54 1705
43  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
78 1693
44  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
49 1687
45  same Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
82 1672
46  same Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
69 1648
47  same disco dancer
darren frankland
90 1645
48  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
61 1572
49  same Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
72 1552
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
73 1449

 

Manager of the week – Kebab Eaters United – Paul Howard – 113 points

Only five 100+ scores in what was an underwhelming double gameweek. The highest scorers averaged not much more than what you’d expect from a single gameweek; and rotation, as it always does, reared it’s annoying, ugly head. Most managers played the week as best they could, utilising their bench boosts and triple captains, and most topped the worldwide average of 64 points, which is the highest of the season so far. The best Buckets team were the Kebab Eaters. Their 113 points was enough to climb them six places and within sight of the top 10. They bench boosted with Chris Smalling, Pascal Gross, Romelu Lukaku and Luca Milivojevic all among their XV.

The Vinegar Pissers stretched their lead at the top to 61 points and have gone top 10,000 in the world. They also topped the century mark. As did The Craggy Islanders, who are now in second, and FC Caligula, who now sit seventh. And like a Grand National finish, the favourites are taking their positions and getting ready to pounce in the final furlongs. Despicable Mee also rose another two places into fourth. The chipless Hornets dropped to third but did well not to lose too much ground and still post a respectable 74 points. Both Nashton and Brexiter, who didn’t use a chip this week, also scored well and despite dropping places aren’t out of the race. They do have one chip left each – their bench boost – surely lined up for GW37. The VPs, the Islanders and Despicable all have their triple captain remaining. But keep an eye on Caligula. They still have their free hit, probably primed for the upcoming week, and their triple captain, again no doubt ready for GW37. Some teams may be a player or two short for the coming week’s reduced schedule – Caligula can pick who they want.

Player of the week – Chris Smalling – 16 points

Man United defenders were always likely to be well positioned to score highly this week with two fixtures against West Brom and Bournemouth. It didn’t start well with a 1-0 loss to the bottom club. That prompted all kinds of unsettling hints from Mourinho about dropping players. Smalling played both games, perhaps underlining the fact he’s as guaranteed a starter as anyone at the moment. He also made up for conceding against West Brom by scoring against Bournemouth, earning back the clean sheet points he should never have lost in the first place.

Bargain of the week – Jan Bednarek – 13 points

Drafted in by Mark Hughes to make his Southampton debut out of sheer desparation – and it paid off – if you’re a fantasy manager and you’d taken the longest punt imaginable and plonked him in your squad. Only 6,000 managers have him in their team in the world and I imagine most of them aren’t playing any more. He may appear in a few more next week as he managed a goal and a clean sheet across his double gameweek appearances. He could come in very useful come GW37 when Saints play twice again and you want to save some money.

Twat of the week – Wayne Hennessey – 0 points

One of those weeks where no-one really earned the wooden spoon award. Hennessey conceded two and picked up a yellow, so he’s the worse player you could have picked. Palace don’t really keep clean sheets, so more fool you if you thought they would in this relegation scrap against their so called derby rivals.

Goal of the week – Any Carroll. 

Another double gameweek let down – given the amount of games you’d have expected at least one screamer. This was the best of a pretty lame bunch. 2m29s

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Gameweek 27 results

1  up Hornets
Andrew Wade
83 1609
2  down Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
69 1598
3  up Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
94 1589
4  down The winnings R mine
david bruce
70 1584
5  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
74 1579
6  down The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
68 1565
7  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
84 1564
8  down Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
59 1556
9  up Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
86 1547
10  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
61 1535
11  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
66 1528
12  same Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
81 1527
13  same INIT FC
Mustafa khan
81 1524
14  up It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
80 1506
15  same Queen of the north
DORINE REACHER
71 1500
16  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
92 1499
17  up Kompany & Co
DEAN CRIPPS
83 1498
18  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
58 1493
19  down Rico united
JASON REACHER
70 1486
20  down We are Ayling
Paul Murray
67 1484
21  up Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
84 1483
22  same Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
77 1478
23  up Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
83 1477
24  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
83 1471
24  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
69 1471
26  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
94 1462
27  up musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
94 1459
28  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
100 1458
29  down Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
56 1452
30  up Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
96 1450
31  up Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
86 1444
32  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
111 1441
33  down Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
55 1439
34  up blakes11
Steven Darling
90 1434
35  down Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
54 1430
36  down King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
62 1428
37  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
60 1422
38  up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
104 1400
39  up cookster fc
Peter Cook
66 1360
40  down mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
69 1360
41  same FTM
Stu Smith
63 1353
42  same Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
59 1345
43  same Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
63 1343
44  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
87 1340
45  down iamgroot
scott mcgow
80 1335
46  same Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
64 1311
47  same disco dancer
darren frankland
77 1306
48  up Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
63 1256
49  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
43 1253
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
70 1120

 

Buckets Cup 1st round

Most of the biggest scoring teams taking part in this round of the cup found their way through to the next round. This week saw the second highest average gameweek score across the whole game, so 80’s, 90’s and some 100+ totals were always going to be needed to help teams progress. Spare a thought for Iamgroot, who scored 80, but were still knocked out.  They would have been the lowest placed team left in the competition. Title challengers, Brexiter City were able to progress with 69 points. The next round has drawn Brexiter together with league leaders Hornets in an intriguing (cliche) top of the table clash.

Manager of the week – Upper Bullens – Andy Taylor – 111 points

We had three 100+ scores this week including the second highest gameweek score of the season. Bullens’ 111 points is also their second manager of the week award. They’ve been hard to come by this season with Greenyteamy the only other team to achieve a double weekly nod. It makes you wonder how they’re still languishing in 32nd place.

Of course this and the other century scores were achieved with the help of Manchester City’s five goal haul aganst Leicester which saw Sergio Aguero notch a long overdue four goal blitz. The potential is always there – he normally gets one in a season. Bullens captained him and picked up another 20 points from Kevin De Bruyne and Raheem Sterling to add to Aguero’s 42. There was an inevitable double figure contribution from Mohamed Salah and a slightly less expected one from Oumar Niasse, who seems to have worked his way to the front of the pecking order in Everton’s attack again. Kebab Eaters and To Elland Back also hit centuries, both captaining Aguero, and with help from the likes of Roberto Firmino, Ben Davies and penalty demon, Luca Milovejovic.

Hornets are back on top after a week away. For one night only, after Saturday’s games, Gotta Light had found their way to the number one spot, climbing up from 7th. Again proving how congested it is. It’s still anyone’s title.

Player of the week – Sergio Aguero – 21 points

Aaron Ramsey equalled the highest weekly player score last week – a record held by Sergio Aguero since September. That record stood at 20 points. Ramsey’s time at the (joint) top lasted a week. Sergio wanted the accolade all to himself. Four goals and all the bonus marks gets you 21 points.

Bargain of the week – Steve Mounie – 15 points

I predicted in gameweek 15 that Steve Mounie would score big again in GW31. Not a bad shout – I was only four gameweeks out. His third double figure total of the season and just his fifth goal came 11 weeks since his last. It would have been four points more had he not cruelly been robbed by a dubious decision to award an own goal to Steve Cook.

Twat of the week – Harry Maguire – -1 points

It had to be one of those on the receiving end of the Manchester City hammering. Maguire gets it as the most popular and most expensive route into the Leicester back four. The booking didn’t help either. It’s harsh on Harry as we all know the real twat of the week was Chris Smalling, who took a dive in his own half which resulted in Newcastle’s winning goal and snuffed out Manchester United’s faint title challenge. Well done Chris.

Goal of the week – Sergio Aguero (4th goal).  

You never know – he might get a player of the season nomination this season (he’s never had one!). 2m30s.

 

Gameweek 2 preview

Man Utd v Southampton

Stoke v Man City

Burnley v Liverpool

Spurs v Crystal Palace

Swansea v Hull

Watford v Chelsea

West Brom v Everton

Leicester v Arsenal

Sunderland v Middlesbrough

West Ham v Bournemouth

Our first Friday night fixture of the season sees Southampton travel to Old Trafford. It’s an 8 o’clock kick off. Your team needs to be readied an hour earlier than that. Potentially making his debut will be Paul Pogba, who’ll set you back a relatively cheap sounding £8.5 million. The man most likely to miss out is Juan Mata. But that’s alright, because I don’t think too many people expected him to start last week anyway. 

Chris Smalling is back from his ban and could come in for Daley Blind, completing what could be a first choice United back five for the foreseeable future. Matteo Darmian appears completely out of favour, nailing the full back slots for Antonio Valencia and Lake Shaw. New signing Eric Bailly completes the back four with David De Gea in nets. 

It’s not so clear cut across town at the Etihad. The full backs are still on rotation. It might take a few weeks to get a handle on Guardiola’s feelings towards Sagna, Zabaleta, Clichy and Kolarov. Maybe he prefers a particular pairing for the league and the other two for Europe. Otamendi and Stones will play in the middle until Kompany is fit, but that doesn’t look like it will be until September, at which point he’ll probably suffer another setback. Joe Hart is toast. Providing Pep gets his back four playing, Willy Caballero, could be good for early season clean sheets. Until the cash is splashed on the sweeper keeper. 

Looking good to follow on from last week’s clean sheet are Swansea who play Hull at home. Perhaps in anticipation of this, two Swans have seen their value increase. Stephen Kingsley and Leroy Fer will now set you back £4.1 and £5.1 respectively. Jordi Amat, who has filled in the position vacated by Ashley Williams, is still at £4 million. They’ve improved the squad predominantly in attack with the additions of Fernando Llorente and Borja Baston, both of whom should feature this weekend. Llorente marked his debut last weekend with the assist to Fer’s goal. 

And will we finally see the return to action of all those poor lambs that needed the extra week off to recover from the Euros? Arsenal will be glad to see the return of Laurent Koscielny in particular. Also, Mesut Ozil and Olivier Giroud should surely be ready for action. Dimitri Payet got 24 minutes against Chelsea. You’d expect him to start in the Hammers home tie against Bournemouth – their first in league match their new stadium. There’s definite points potential there.

Gameweek 38 results

1 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 48 2,261
2 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 76 2,245
3 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 37 2,234
4 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 57 2,215
5 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 64 2,210
6 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 38 2,190
7 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 42 2,162
8 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 41 2,158
9 Init fc Mustafa khan 65 2,149
10 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 86 2,148
11 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 55 2,124
12 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 55 2,101
13 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 39 2,086
14 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 59 2,082
15 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 35 2,074
16 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 41 2,068
17 SS3 FC Paul Murray 44 2,055
18 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 47 2,054
19 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 52 2,053
20 Howayman Mark Bromham 38 2,052
21 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 38 2,036
22 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 41 2,024
23 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 37 2,016
24 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 42 2,005
25 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 26 1,993
26 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 15 1,990
27 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 32 1,983
28 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 47 1,957
29 Below Par Paul Bentz 32 1,945
30 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 36 1,943
31 RICO UNITED JASON REACHER 54 1,936
32 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 16 1,928
33 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 29 1,905
34 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 42 1,902
35 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 49 1,883
36 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 47 1,872
37 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 21 1,870
38 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 39 1,801
39 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 27 1,792
40 Ciderheads Darren Pope 56 1,783
41 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 27 1,781
42 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 31 1,578
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 45 1,553
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 38 1,439

 

We’ve a lot to thank Villa for this season. Being so unquestionably bad has helped many of us in our quest for points, not least this last weekend in which they came up against Arsenal. Arsenal’s one surviving forward, Olivier Giroud, expectedly scored big, and as a result of being handed the armband by Edgbaston, helped them to manager of the month prize.

1 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 64 178
2 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 86 177
3 Init fc Mustafa khan 65 167

 

The picture was very different one minute before the end of last night’s game however. That award belonged to Walking With Memphis, who also had the foresight to give Giroud the captaincy. Then up popped Chris Smalling to score…in his own net. It left Memphis 10 points worse off – and then the final whistle went. Memphis did pick up their third manager of the week award, but you don’t win anything for that. Not this season at least. Sorry Memphis. The 86 points accrued came largely from Giroud’s hat trick performance, but Leighton Baines and Sadio Mane also added double figure scores.

Edgbaston may have held off Memphis in the manager of the month race, but they were unable to prevent Shoelace from claiming fourth place in the final standings. The only change in the top four from last week was The Kolarov Mane and Your Ad Here’s switch. Your Ad Here went all Spurs with a major last week wobble. The only thing that would have seen Your Ad Here jump back into second was a performance of the season from Simon Francis. Edgbaston had sneaked ahead of Shoelace before last night’s game, but it looked unlikely that position would hold. With or without the Smalling own goal, Shoelace were always going to finish fourth.

 

Player of the week – Olivier Giroud – 17 points. Sneaking second.

Bargain of the week – Daryl Janmaat – 13 points. Too little…etc etc

Donkey of the week – Mark Bunn – -1 points. Aptly Villa.

Goal of the week – James McCarthy. Terrible video. The first goal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gameweek 38 results (almost)

A preamble. We’ve still not had the Manchester United v Bournemouth game. The most disorganised club in Europe it appears have left everyone hanging. Places are still to be settled at the top of the Buckets table. I suppose it’s exciting, although I don’t think there’s anything that can stop Caligula being crowned champions. They’re awaiting a score for Chris Smalling as well as a point from Aaron Cresswell who will replace Dimitri Payet once substitutions are activated.

The Kolarov Mane have climbed into second but can’t go any higher. Your Ad Here are 14 points further back with Simon Francis on the bench. Unless the Bournemouth captain gets in among the goals and keeps a clean sheet on Tuesday night, third is as high as they can hope for. That seems pretty much nailed on as Edgbaston are 25 points further back and with only Manuel Lanzini to come in after substitutions and David De Gea to play.

There is a battle for fourth. Shoelace sit in fifth, three points behind Edgbaston with Chris Smalling and Anthony Martial to play. A goal for either of those should be enough, providing of course they stay on the pitch. Or even get on the pitch in the first place. Might Van Gaal rest players now?

Unfortunately for Rocky Ba Bauer, now in 6th, it appears to be out of reach.

If Edgbaston lose the fourth place spot, they may have the May manager of the month award to fall back on. They currently lead Init FC by nine points. Init probably need Chris Smalling to score to overhaul the lead. Walking With Memphis, however, three points further back, and 12 behind Edgbaston, have Smalling, Antonio Valencia and Anthony Martial to play. LVG playing the kids might be the only thing that keeps Memphis (and Shoelace) from toppling Edgbaston.

Full weekly round up will arrive sometime Wednesday I expect.