End of season results

May 23, 2017

up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
85 2315
down When Harry met Alli
Trevor Gordon
80 2312
same Aquamar 15
Noel Driver
77 2274
up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
110 2255

The Craggy Islanders are our champions. By three points. I think that might be our closest finish yet. It was looking at one point, before the bonuses came in, that it might end up being a tie. I’m glad it wasn’t. I didn’t fancy the season long count back of goals scored. The Islanders won the last weekly battle 85 to 80 – the five point gap enough to take over at the top. WHMA played the All Out Attack, but to no avail. It wouldn’t have made a difference had they not bothered.

The Islanders started this season as our first manager of the week and then spent most of the next three months coming and going, in and out of the top 10. They hit a century in gameweek 14 climbing back to the summit. From that moment on they never left the top four, clinging on to first for six weeks between 16 and 22, and then next appearing in top spot when it really mattered – gameweek 38.

Meaning When Harry Met Alli must settle for second place for the second successive year. They were always in the mix. They never dropped out of the top 10 but for one week in December. From the turn of the year they took up residence in the top four and never fell below that. They were at the head of the group of teams trying to peg back Aquamar through the last third of the season, managing to take the lead in gameweek 37. Perhaps their decision to play their bench boost a week earlier than The Islanders cost them the title. We’ll never know.

And we’ll never know whether Aquamar’s itchy transfer finger cost them the top prize. Sitting in the top 3,000 worldwide in gameweek 32 with an 80 point lead over their nearest Buckets challenger, they went on a complete transfer bender making 19 in the last six weeks. Not having Harry Kane to play out the final two weeks, however, was probably the biggest handicap. It was a season of what might have been for Aquamar, also finishing runners-up in the Buckets Cup to Shoelace Untied.

Fourth place was a battle to the death with five or so teams continuously changing places over the closing two months of the season. Kebab Eaters United eventually pipped Edgbaston to the last cash prize. Edgbaston finished fifth last year too, but do take home the prize for the May manager of the month and the highest weekly score – a record breaking 181 points in gameweek 37.

Shoelace ploughed all of their energy into winning the cup, taking 76 points worth of hits across three gameweeks in order to outscore their opponents. Curiously, they also climbed the table, proving that taking hits doesn’t necessarily always cost you points. As long as you bring in the right players. It’s not a tactic I’d suggest playing across an entire season.

Rico United were double month winners and Yeboah’s Right Foot won manager of the week more than anyone else, coming out on top four times. That’s probably pretty impressive in a 53 team league. The record still stands at seven in a 26 team league.

Alexis Sanchez topped the player charts by some distance, although had Harry Kane played out a full season, it’s probable he’d have collected more points. He finished joint third with Eden Hazard, and just behind Dele Alli, but missed eight games with injury. Tom Heaton was the top goalkeeper. He kept ten clean sheets, and headed both the saves made and bonus points tables to finish ahead of Hugo Lloris and Thibault Courtois. The Chelsea defence ruled. No-one got close to Cahill, Alonso and Azpilicueta. Kane, Hazard, Kevin De Bruyne and Romelu Lukaku topped the bonus charts, all scoring 33. Marcos Alonso’s value rose the most over the course of the season, £0.9 million to £6.9 million.

Picking a bargain buy of the season hasn’t been as easy as last year when we had so many Leicester players to choose from. West Brom’s second top scorer, Gareth McAuley, deserves a mention. The 804 year old defender started as a £4.5 million back up in many teams but probably lasted the distance thanks to his steady return of goals and clean sheets – up until the point that West Brom reached 40 points and they got the holiday brochures out. Josh King’s second half of the season was as prolific as any of the elite forward players in the league. Only Sanchez and Alli scored more from midfield. From gameweek 20 onwards he contributed in 13 of the 18 games he played in. Expect a position change and starting price rise for next season.

See you then.


Gameweek 31 preview

April 4, 2017

Burnley v Stoke
Leicester v Sunderland
Watford v West Brom
Man Utd v Everton
Arsenal v West Ham
Hull v Middlesbrough
Southampton v Crystal Palace
Swansea v Spurs
Chelsea v Man City
Liverpool v Bournemouth

Chelsea’s apparent march to the title has turned into a bit of a limp in recent weeks. No clean sheet in seven has included an unexpected draw with Burnley, an even more unexpected defeat against Palace and a skin of their teeth victory over Stoke. It’s probably been the case for a while, but it seems no longer necessary to have three Chelsea players in your squad. There is no current value for money in those once fixture-proof defenders.

And yet, despite the lack of clean sheets, interest in the Chelsea back line still remains high, probably because they’re chipping in with the odd goal and assist still. Only Cesar Azpilicueta has seen a nosedive in his price in recent weeks. People are still tending to buy Marcos Alonso rather than sell him. He’s still playing further forward than most of the rest of his team, but is he really likely to come up with another 20+ score. I guess that’s what we’re all worried might happen if we were to give him the boot.

Eden Hazard is the only Chelsea player resident on the front page of the form table at the moment and Diego Costa has two one point scores to his name in the last two weeks. Maybe a defeat at the hands of Manchester City this week will see managers think twice about their Chelsea assets, particularly with a double gameweek on the horizon for Manchester United and a much easier run in lined up for their nearest challengers, Spurs.

Gameweek 22 results

January 23, 2017

same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
46 1253
same Aquamar 15
Noel Driver
46 1244
same Yeboah’s Right Foot
Paul Murray
49 1235
same When Harry met Alli
Trevor Gordon
67 1229
same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
52 1213
up greenyteamy
adam greenwood
71 1203
down Hedgehog Corpse FC
Nick Smith
64 1194
up 4 Fuchs Ake
Jason Earwicker
67 1183
up Uriah Rennie 2nd XI
Neil Greenwood
61 1181
10  down Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
47 1176
11  down Cooksters
Peter Cook
48 1174
12  same Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
60 1173
13  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
61 1171
14  down INIT FC
Mustafa khan
53 1168
15  down Go Buffoons Go
Jitesh Lakhani
52 1163
16  same To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
54 1160
17  up 30:19
Darren Lavelle
66 1158
18  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
55 1158
19  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
63 1155
20  up Joey Bosa
Paul Bentz
74 1149
21  same RICO UNITED
59 1139
37 1132
23  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
61 1130
24  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
54 1128
25  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
49 1119
26  same nO fucHs given
Paul Callaghan
45 1111
27  up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
59 1108
28  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
51 1104
29  same Jeff Lamp’s Porsche
David Spinks
54 1099
30  up Jarvis FC
Matt Jarvis
50 1095
31  up Crazy Legs XI
David Caldicott
56 1082
32  down Hucking Fell
P Hawkins
35 1082
33  up Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
77 1078
34  up RG XV
Ryan Garoghan
58 1066
35  down Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
40 1063
36  down Ciderheads
Darren Pope
28 1050
37  up Have a little dink
Ian Williams
69 1048
38  down FTM
Stu Smith
46 1046
39  down I am not Zlatan
Colin Goulding
44 1037
40  up Pepe Le Blue
53 1018
41  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
48 1009
42  same Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
48 998
43  same Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
54 994
44  up Dj daz
darren frankland
62 984
45  up jetty city
scott mcgow
56 981
46  down Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
41 980
47  down Big White Chiefs
david frankland
47 980
48  same bazza 28 united
laura barrett
39 941
49  same Bermie Utd
Glen Davies
38 931
50  same DJ’s Trail Blazers
Danian Jones
36 909
51  up Bish Bosh Goal
Simon Purnell
52 897
52  down Racing Club Skegness
Andrew Swift
45 892
53  same Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
41 856


As the 96th minute rolled round at the Emirates yesterday, Alexis Sanchez was sat on two points, and with the rest of the Arsenal team, feeling aggrieved at the seven minutes of added time that had afforded Burnley a penalty with which they had leveled up the game at 1-1. A minute later and the fantasy world breathed a sigh of relief as he chipped Arsenal’s own slightly dubious penalty down the middle of the Burnley goal and added a much welcomed six points to his score. With most of us seemingly carrying him as captain this week, that amounted to an extra 12 points, and an above average total in the 60’s, and in some cases, the 70’s.

The highest of which was Shoelace Untied who hit 77 points. Sanchez’s 16 point contribution was backed up by 34 points from their defence, courtesy of a clean sheet each from Cesar Azpilicueta, Gareth McAuley and Seamus Coleman. McAuley and Coleman also added an asisst and a goal and top bonus marks. Coleman ended up as player of the week as the Everton bandwagon gathered pace. They’re the latest team to change to three at the back giving us five of the Everton defence scoring meaningful points. Three consecutive clean sheets has promoted Coleman into the top table of defenders with Leighton Baines two positions behind. Given the kind run of fixtures on the horizon for Everton, their totals and their stock should continue to rise.

Average weeks for our top three enabled the chasing pack to close the gap a little. There’s an average of 10 points separating each team in the top seven before the placings concertina with 30 points separating the next 12 teams. We’ve an FA Cup break next weekend, but then an instant set of midweek fixtures to complete February. For the record, the manager of the month table looks like this…

up When Harry met Alli
Trevor Gordon
67 217
up greenyteamy
adam greenwood
71 209
up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
63 208
up Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
59 207
down Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
41 205
up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
61 204
down Dj daz
darren frankland
62 204
down Aquamar 15
Noel Driver
46 203
up RG XV
Ryan Garoghan
58 200
10  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
60 200
11  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
52 199
12  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
49 196
13  up To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
54 194
14  up Have a little dink
Ian Williams
69 191
15  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
46 190

Plenty of teams in it.


Player of the week – Seamus Coleman – 15 points. Form defender.

Bargain of the week – Fernando Llorente – 13 points. Ending the Liverpool challenge?

Donkey of the week – Granit Xhaka – -1 points. The new Lee Cattermole.

Goal of the week – Wayne Rooney. I suppose.

Gameweek 16 preview

December 13, 2016

Bournemouth v Leicester
Everton v Arsenal
Middlesbrough v Liverpool
Sunderland v Chelsea
West Ham v Burnley
Crystal Palace v Man Utd
Man City v Watford
Spurs v Hull
Stoke v Southampton
West Brom v Swansea

Midweek games always bring that prospect of a bit of tinkering, especially at this time of year with the Christmas fixtures on the horizon. There’s no planning for it. You’ve just got to take it on the chin and hope you’ve got ample on the bench.

Still the Chelsea juggernaut rolls on. This gameweek sees them start a run of four fixtures against bottom half teams. Winning them all to nil is not out of the question. It’s difficult to know which players to hang your hat on. Diego Costa is undroppable at the moment, despite being one card away from a suspension. The defence are expensive, but worth every penny. It might even be tempting to captain one of them – particularly Cesar Azpilicueta, who leads the way for defensive bonuses.

And no other defence can compete. Liverpool and Manchester City continue to struggle. Dodgy keepers and a questionable defensive philosophy make every one of their players virtually unplayable. They’re so unattractive. John Stones has even dropped into the bargain zone.

And their struggles don’t end at the back. Is it the Aguero suspension/Coutinho injury having a negative effect? Managers are growing tired with certain players. Last week, Roberto Firmino was the most transferred player out. Closely followed by Ilkay Gundogan, Kevin De Bruyne, Raheem Sterling and James Milner. Other midfielders are making their presence felt and it’s no longer a risk to drop these once so reliable players.

Gameweek 5 results

September 15, 2015

1 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 51 247
2 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 43 246
3 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 58 245
4 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 51 242
5 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 50 242
6 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 47 237
7 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 47 229
8 Below Par Paul Bentz 47 228
9 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 45 226
10 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 46 222
12 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 50 222
13 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 53 218
14 What’s Up????? DEAN CRIPPS 43 217
15 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 58 216
16 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 57 212
17 Howayman Mark Bromham 41 212
18 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 38 211
19 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 52 207
20 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 48 206
21 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 51 203
22 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 41 201
23 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 45 199
24 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 29 198
25 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 41 197
26 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 38 197
27 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 44 195
28 SS3 FC Paul Murray 36 194
29 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 43 194
29 Init fc Mustafa khan 47 194
31 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 41 193
32 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 45 192
33 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 43 192
34 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 48 192
35 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 37 184
36 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 29 182
37 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 44 177
38 Ciderheads Darren Pope 27 175
39 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 34 173
40 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 39 169
41 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 33 163
42 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 29 162
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 26 160
44 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 26 145


Both Pretty Schitty City and Edgbaston scored 58 points this week, but by virtue of scoring three goals to Edgbaston’s one, Pretty Schitty City win the weekly award. It lifts them back into third place, behind Greensmeansbusiness and 4 Lime Jellies, who have swapped places at the top.

Both City and the Jellies made Riyad Mahrez their captain and the Algerian duly obliged with 11 more points (22 with the armband), which is incredibly his fourth double figure score in five weeks. It included picking up his fourth maximum bonus haul. It’s still not enough to bag him the player of the week award. Steven Naismith’s hat trick against Chelsea earned him 17 points to win that prize. Cesar Azpilicueta was our donkey of the week. In conceding the three Naismith goals and picking up a booking, he finished with a big fat zero. That’s Chelsea’s third donkey award in five weeks. Yes – it really is time to get rid of all Chelsea players. How much longer can they carry on being shit? I’m not prepared to find out anymore.


Player of the week – Steven Naismith – 17 points. Equal best weekly score so far.

Bargain of the week – Wes Hoolahan – 13 points. Quietly racking up the points as the top assister in the league.

Donkey of the week – Cesar Azpilicueta – 0 points. 12 conceded. Shit.

Goal of the week – Christian Benteke. Overheads.


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