1  same Perfidious Albion
Andrew Swift
37 228
2  up PenshawPerformers
david bruce
83 228
3  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
51 226
4  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
52 220
5  down Game of Stones
Ryan Garoghan
47 218
6  down But Da Pitch Ain’t 1
Trev Reams
45 215
7  up Bielsa Ringing
Alan Hardy
65 213
8  down Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
47 211
9  up Deeney in a Bottle
Stephanie Cripps
53 210
10  down The Big Lewandowski
Paul Callaghan
47 205
10  up Crazy Leg XI
David Caldicott
50 205
12  up Cookie fc
Peter Cook
83 204
13  down King raggg
Steven Darling
56 202
14  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
42 201
15  down Mour Salt and Pep
Noel Driver
51 200
16  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
67 200
17  down Hoose Reus
James Whitfield
45 195
18  up Need son luck
Matt Jarvis
66 193
19  down CAS Vampire Slayers
Mustafa khan
35 193
19  down Musttryharder fc
Paul Telford
45 193
45 190
22  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
46 189
23  down Thelma and Luiz
Trevor Gordon
47 186
24  same SLABHEAD FC
Adam Burnett
45 184
25  down Kompany & Co
42 184
26  up Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
63 182
27  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
38 181
28  down RICO UNITED
35 180
29  up FTM
Stu Smith
64 177
29  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
52 177
31  down Frostee Rucker
Paul Bentz
51 177
32  up Dropit like its Hart
Jason Earwicker
60 168
33  up Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
67 165
34  up Morningblues
Jeff Morning
74 165
35  down Hemel Hotspurs
Paul Jarvis
47 165
35  down Fake Madrid
Andrew Wade
50 165
35  up El Loco No Joko
Paul Murray
66 165
38  down Aribo Haribo
Paul Hawkins
50 163
39  down ClipityKlopptotitle
tanya thursby
38 157
40  up Dinamo Spinks
David Spinks
59 157
41  up Pique Blinders
Colin Goulding
60 154
42  down Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
45 151
43  down It’s coming home
scott mcgow
46 151
44  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
48 150
45  down Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
40 146
46  up Puddle Splash Van
Ian Williams
65 144
47  down Ross’s champions
darren frankland
42 142
48  up Salah Buffoon!!!
Jitesh Lakhani
50 138
49  up The Mindless Morons
John Seacroft
53 138
50  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
43 138
51  down Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
46 137
52  same Greeeenteeam
adam greenwood
48 116


August Manager of the Month – Perfidious Albion – Andrew Swift – 228 points 

Holding off a strong challenge from Penshaw Performers, Perfidious Albion claim the August prize, courtesy of scoring thirteen goals to their rivals’ eleven over the course of the month. The Performers jumped from 18th place to almost pip the Albion, who limped home as the third worst scoring team in the league this week. The Performers ignored Richarlison, unlike everybody else, and scored a massive 46 points with their defensive picks. Albion had benefited from Richarlison’s first two gameweeks and the three goals and five bonus points that had convinced the whole world to bring him in to their teams. The 102 point first week score was the perfect start and was the key to them holding on to win the monthly money.

Manager of the week – Cookie FC – Peter Cook – 83 points 

Unluckily for Penshaw they don’t get a weekly winner nod either. They scored the same amount of points as Cookie FC, but again lose out on goals scored. Cookie scored six to Penshaw’s three, as well as also turning in a sound defenseive performance, racking up 40 points from their back five.

Player of the week – Aleksandar Mitrovic – Fulham – 16 points

Fulham were the go-to team of the week and their four goal performance may change a lot of manager’s minds. Most of Fulham’s attacking regulars had begun to see price drops, including goal of the week man, Jean Michael Seri. Mitrovic remained a popular choice and will no doubt attract more buyers following this brace. His performance has seen a price rise and put him at the top of the strikers’ points charts.

Bargain of the week – Luciano Vietto – Fulham – 9 points

Fulham made six changes for the Burnley game, with Vietto surprisingly starting in place of Ryan Sessegnon. The on loan striker justified his pick with assists for both of Mitrovic’s goals. Burnley seem to be finding the Europa League and Thursday/Sunday schedule a tough slog at the moment. They play one Saturday game in the whole of the first two months of the season. And that’ll probably change if they qualify.

Twat of the week – Richarlison – Everton – -2 points

Here he is. The Wan Bissaka sending off was tolerable. He was only £4 million. It was hardly a stress getting him into your team and he’s only banned for one match. But this prick…! I’m so glad I changed my mind at the last minute. Click on any random Bucketeer – four out of five will have him sat there, in the middle of the pitch, with his big red triangle. All for kissing Adam Smith. Seems a bit harsh. But no sooner are we feeling all smug and upbeat about reaping the rewards than we’re wondering why we never looked to the other side of the Everton attack and plumped for Theo Walcott.

Goal of the week – Jean Michael Seri.

Clean sweep on the top awards for Fulham.



Gameweek 3 results

August 28, 2017

1  same Hornets
Andrew Wade
68 210
2  up Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
64 187
3  up Rico united
57 186
4  up Queen of the north
64 185
5  down Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
47 179
6  down The winnings R mine
david bruce
46 176
7  same Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
49 175
8  down romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
42 168
9  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
49 168
10  up cookster fc
Peter Cook
70 164
10  up Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
57 164
12  down Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
35 164
13  up King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
56 163
14  down Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
43 161
15  up It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
50 160
16  down FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
42 160
17  down Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
39 159
18  down Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
40 158
19  down Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
39 158
20  up Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
48 155
21  down Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
44 154
22  down Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
44 152
23  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
63 151
24  down INIT FC
Mustafa khan
49 149
25  up greenyteamy
adam greenwood
59 147
26  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
36 144
27  up The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
49 142
28  up Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
45 141
29  down Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
43 141
30  down Kompany & Co
36 139
31  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
39 138
32  up The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
44 137
33  up Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
40 130
34  down mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
29 129
35  down Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
26 128
35  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
28 128
37  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
35 127
38  same To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
34 125
39  down FTM
Stu Smith
27 124
40  up Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
43 123
41  up blakes11
Steven Darling
43 120
42  up musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
40 119
43  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
49 117
44  up Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
44 117
45  down disco dancer
darren frankland
34 116
46  down iamgroot
scott mcgow
37 115
47  down Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
31 110
48  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
35 106
49  same We are Ayling
Paul Murray
37 104
50  same Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
41 88


August manager of the month – Hornets – 210 points

Picking up the first prize money of the season are league newcomers, Hornets. And they made damn sure they were going to get it, utilising their bench boost wildcard for extra points security. As it turns out, they really didn’t have to play it. They sit 23 points ahead at the top of the table. Their bench only scored them an added 11 points. The 57 points they had already racked up was a more than respectable score for the week. Lets hope they don’t rue that decision in later months.

Manager of the week – Cookster FC – 70 points

Not playing the bench boost, and still banging in a healthy 70 point score were Cooksters. They were one of the few not to fall foul to another lame week by Harry Kane and Romelu Lukaku’s penalty miss – mainly because they don’t have either of them. Many millions of us captained Kane, convinced that this was the week he’d get his goals – it didn’t happen. There is an August curse apparently. Cooksters primarily benefited from Chelsea’s performance against Everton, with Pedro, Willian and Alvaro Morata, whose made a promising start to his FPL career, picking up a combined 21 points. Seems the rest of us ditched Chelsea at the first sign of wavering (the first game) – obviously way too early.

Player of the week – Ciaran Clark – 15 points

Double Newcastle defender in player of the week alert. This either shows that it’s not all bad at St James’ and they’ve got a team full of cheap fantasy assets with relatively good prospects against the right team. Or that West Ham are total shit.

Bargain of the week – Chancel Mbemba – 9 points

The only regular starting £4 million player. Played well and could even nail down a place. The international break has probably come at the wrong time.

Twat of the week – Miguel Britos – -2 points

Spare a thought (again) for Shoelace Untied, propping up the table. Three weeks in and three sendings off. Britos’s tackle and subsequent protestations of innocence deserve fantasy points in my opinion. At least 10.

Goal of the week – Charlie Daniels.

Gameweek 3 results

August 29, 2016

up 4 Fuchs Ake
Jason Earwicker
66 184
same The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
46 180
up Jeff Lamp’s Porsche
David Spinks
65 178
up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
53 175
up Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
52 174
down 30:19
Darren Lavelle
37 172
up Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
57 171
down Aquamar 15
Noel Driver
43 171
down When Harry met Alli
Trevor Gordon
48 170
10  up Racing Club Skegness
Andrew Swift
49 169
11  up FTM
Stu Smith
69 167
12  up Go Buffoons Go
Jitesh Lakhani
51 167
13  down nO fucHs given
Paul Callaghan
40 166
14  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
50 165
15  up Uriah Rennie 2nd XI
Neil Greenwood
65 165
50 163
17  up Jarvis FC
Matt Jarvis
58 162
17  down Ciderheads
Darren Pope
36 162
19  up INIT FC
Mustafa khan
54 159
20  down RG XV
Ryan Garoghan
44 158
21  down Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
41 158
22  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
32 157
23  down Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
44 157
24  up Cooksters
Peter Cook
62 155
25  up Joey Bosa
Paul Bentz
66 154
26  down To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
40 152
27  down Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
37 152
28  down Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
38 149
29  same Bakerlona
Stuart Baker
43 148
30  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
45 147
31  down DJ’s Trail Blazers
Danian Jones
38 144
32  down Hucking Fell
P Hawkins
26 138
33  down I am not Zlatan
Colin Goulding
33 138
33  down Hedgehog Corpse FC
Nick Smith
24 138
35  down Bish Bosh Goal
Simon Purnell
25 133
36  down greenyteamy
adam greenwood
31 133
37  up Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
43 132
37  down Crazy Legs XI
David Caldicott
30 132
52 126
40  up romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
48 124
41  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
28 124
42  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
37 123
42  down Yeboah’s Right Foot
Paul Murray
27 123
42  up Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
51 123
45  up Have a little dink
Ian Williams
63 121
46  up Bermie Utd
Glen Davies
51 119
47  down bazza 28 united
laura barrett
25 115
48  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
37 114
49  down Pepe Le Blue
26 111
50  down jetty city
scott mcgow
34 81
51  same Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
23 79


It’s the end of August. We have a manager of the month. And an international break. A fortnight off – which is handy, because I’m off on holiday.

4 Fuchs Ake are our first prize winners. They finish the month at the top of the table on 184 points, four clear of The Craggy Islanders. I speculated last week that the winner could come from deep within the pack and that was the case. 4 Fuchs Ake leapt from 13th to 1st with an impressive 66 point total. Last week’s leaders, 30:19, fell to 6th, posting only 37 points. Jeff Lamp’s Porsche climbed from 20th to 3rd on the back of a 65 point total. The highest weekly scorers were FTM with 69 points. They were able to jump 25 places in the table from 36 up to 11th.

4 Fuchs Ake hit the top courtesy of our player of the week, Alexis Sanchez, who, as Arsenal finally clicked into gear, scored 16 points, and by handing the captaincy to Eden Hazard. Jeff Lamp’s took the same captaincy option – a shrewd move given that neither Sergio or Zlatan could muster anything other than their appearance points this week. Hazard looks fresh after his year off and is the leading points scorer, edging ahead of the two strikers. He’s one of only two players – the other being Diego Costa – to have either scored or assisted in all three games. It’s a stat that suggests this Chelsea team – without European football remember – could be serious contenders for the title – and masses of fantasy points.

FTM’s highest weekly score was helped in no small part by Raheem Sterling’s impressive display against West Ham in which he scored twice and picked up the big bonus marks. Sterling looks fresh after his summer off. His patchy form last season gave him a relatively low starting value. It looks like that has already started to rise on the back of this performance.

It was a week in which three penalties were saved. Artus Boruc’s save from Yohan Cabaye demoted the Frenchman to our donkey of the week award. Lukasz Fabianski kept out Riyad Mahrez’s spot kick. I think we’re all OK with the fact that Mahrez probably won’t replicate his totals of last season, but it’s a slight worry that this was his third penalty miss in 12 months. Shay Given kept out Leighton Baines’ penalty only for it to rebound off the post and then the back of his head to find it’s way into the net. Both did alright out of it. Given was awarded points for the save and five more bonus marks for his performance and the eight other saves he made in the match. Baines was curiously credited with the assist to the goal as well as his clean sheet points. You’d have got 17 points out of two players – one of whom scored an own goal and the other who missed a pen.


Player of the week – Alexis Sanchez – 16 points. Arsenal wake up.

Bargain of the week – Shay Given – 10 points. One of nine second choice keepers who made appearances at the weekend.

Donkey of the week – Yohan Cabaye – -1 points. Miserable start by Palace.

Goal of the week – Eden Hazard.

Gameweek 3 preview

August 24, 2016

Spurs v Liverpool

Chelsea v Burnley

Crystal Palace v Bournemouth

Everton v Stoke

Leicester v Swansea

Southampton v Sunderland

Watford v Arsenal

Hull v Man Utd

West Brom v Middlesbrough

Man City v West Ham

It’s a top of the table clash at the whatever their stadium’s called now in Hull. Can they extend their early season run of surprise victories? Surely Manchester United are a step too far for this Tigers team still having to pick from their pool of 12 fit first teamers. Yet six of these twelve have made into double figures, a feat which only Manchester United can match.

Robert Snodgrass was bought to supply the creativity to keep Hull in the top division last time round, but was injured in the first few weeks of that season and didn’t play again for over a year. He’s Hull’s leading point scorer so far this season, and if he can match the 152 point return from his first season in the Premier League with Norwich, in which he scored six and assisted nine times, he could prove to be one of the best bargain midfielders in the game.

Eldin Jakupovic has attracted a lot of early attention principally because he’s a second choice keeper carrying out first choice duties. Allan McGregor is injured and expected to be out until the new year, so gametime is guaranteed, and at the standard second choice keeper rate of £4 million. He and Hull are performing well enough to be more than just a back up option.

Despite this, the likelihood of anything other than a Manchester United win to nil is, on the face of it, pretty slim. This might be the weekend to switch the armband to Ibrahimovic ahead of Aguero, if you’re lucky enough to have been able to crow bar them both in to your squad. It’s early days but it already seems vital to have both occupying two of your front three positions, although this obviously comes at the expense of other elite players in other positions. Spot kick duties have been passed around a few players at Old Trafford over the years with varying results. Ibrahimovic looks to have assumed this duty, and has scored from the spot already this season.

The biggest transfer news of the week has happened down at Selhurst Park. Palace have been without a decent striker for about 15 years. Alan Pardew will be hoping Christian Benteke is the player to fill that void. He was a non-starter at Liverpool, but is instantly the main man at his new club, and at £7.4 million, could be worth a punt if he hits the ground running.

We’re playing for the August Manager of the Month this week. It’s a three week month – so offers up a £30 prize. Is that enough to tempt one of you into a chip to enhance your chances? Had DJ’s Trail Blazers not ballsed up their selection last week, they’d have climbed to the top from 10th place overcoming a defecit of 18 points. Apply that to this week and most of the top 20 are in with a shout. Good luck.

Gameweek 4 results

August 31, 2015

1 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 34 203
2 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 50 196
3 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 52 192
4 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 42 191
5 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 35 190
6 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 39 187
7 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 43 186
8 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 42 185
9 Below Par Paul Bentz 38 181
10 What’s Up????? DEAN CRIPPS 49 178
11 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 34 177
12 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 47 176
13 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 40 172
15 Howayman Mark Bromham 41 171
16 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 54 169
17 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 39 165
18 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 41 162
19 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 29 160
20 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 46 160
21 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 39 159
22 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 51 158
23 SS3 FC Paul Murray 42 158
24 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 47 156
25 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 49 156
26 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 36 155
27 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 28 155
28 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 45 154
29 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 28 153
30 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 48 151
31 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 40 151
32 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 43 149
33 Ciderheads Darren Pope 27 148
34 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 37 147
36 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 25 147
36 Init fc Mustafa khan 27 147
38 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 29 144
39 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 36 139
40 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 28 134
41 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 20 133
42 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 45 133
43 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 36 130
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 28 130
45 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 42 119


Despite their poorest scoring week of the season, greensmeansbusiness hang on at the top to claim the first manager of the month prize. So, congratulations to them. Their 14 point lead was reduced slightly, but most of the chasing pack had equally disappointing returns, and so were unable to catch our leaders.

In fact, none of us are posting mega-scores. Seven teams broke the 60 point barrier last week. Only one has achieved that feat this week, and with 62 points, Rico United, another newcomer, wins the weekly award. Rico transferred in Eliaquim Mangala to complete the necessary triumvirate of City players, who between them contributed 30 points to their overall total. City remain unbeaten and unbreached, with eight of their players in among the highest scorers. Although that doesn’t include Sergio Aguero, who drew another blank this week – the week in which most of the world made him captain. Which may explain the low scoring. There have been stand out obvious picks for captain choices in each gameweek, and none of them have brought home the bacon.

The international break can’t come soon enough for most of the league. City, Palace, Leicester and Swansea occupy the top four positions – an order that no-one would have predicted at the start of the season. United’s defence conceded for the first time, and only Sunderland have conceded more that Chelsea. It appears West Ham will only perform away from home against the top six. Bear that in mind for their trip to the Etihad in gameweek six. Liverpool, at home against the Hammers, seemed nailed on for another clean sheet to continue their steady start to the season. That 3-0 defeat probably cost a lot of managers a lot of points.


Player of the week – Dusan Tadic – 16 points. Posted last season’s highest weekly score, and is back on the roll of honour again.

Bargain of the week – Scott Sinclair – 14 points. A midfielder playing up top with 5 goals in 2 games. Worth a punt?

Donkey of the week – Steven Whittaker – -3 points. Five sent off in one week. Whittaker wins courtesy of being a stupid, dumb defender.

Goal of the week – Yann  M’Vila. Our first perfectly executed free kick winner of the season. Goal comes at 12s in.


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