Gameweek 29 results

March 6, 2018

1  same Hornets
Andrew Wade
52 1722
2  same Brexiter City
Colin Goulding
55 1705
3  up The Vinegar Pissers
P Hawkins
74 1696
4  down Gotta Light?
Andrew Swift
45 1683
5  down The Craggy Islanders
Adrian Roche
42 1675
6  up Nashton Villa
Jaime Nash
52 1668
7  down The winnings R mine
david bruce
41 1667
8  same Fun Lovren Criminals
Paul Callaghan
44 1652
9  up Game of Throw-Ins
Ryan Garoghan
60 1652
10  down Despicable Mee
Trevor Gordon
52 1651
11  up greenyteamy
adam greenwood
67 1646
12  down Edgbaston
Micheal Dinneen
50 1630
13  up FC Caligula
Ajay Supeda
72 1623
14  down INIT FC
Mustafa khan
60 1621
15  up Rip Roaring Reds
Sean Whyton
65 1620
16  down It’sOnlyAGameFarke!
David Spinks
63 1619
17  down Queen of the north
58 1614
18  up Emergency Gap Jumper
Ian Williams
68 1601
19  down Kompany & Co
42 1600
20  up Rico united
63 1596
21  down Golden Boys
Stephanie Cripps
56 1593
22  down We are Ayling
Paul Murray
53 1592
23  up Atlético Chappers
Richard Chapman
59 1581
24  down Shoelace Untied
Caroline Strong
54 1574
25  up Neil Madrid
Neil Strong
63 1573
26  up Aquamar 1564
Noel Driver
53 1562
27  same Kebab Eaters Utd
Paul Howard
52 1562
28  down Your Ad Here
Matthew Hopkins
46 1556
29  up Flying squad
Matt Jarvis
48 1548
30  same Klopp of the Pochs
Jason Earwicker
43 1544
31  down musttryharder FC
Paul Telford
35 1542
32  up Pretty Schitty City
Alex Michaluk
51 1540
33  down Crazylegs XI
David Caldicott
46 1537
34  same King Dunlap
Paul Bentz
50 1531
35  up Pure Buffoonery!
Jitesh Lakhani
43 1522
36  up blakes11
Steven Darling
55 1520
37  same To Elland Back
Alan Hardy
52 1519
38  down Upper Bullens
Andy Taylor
35 1516
39  up mrs mcgoo
laura barrett
73 1469
40  down cookster fc
Peter Cook
43 1456
41  up Pudding And Pie
John Seacroft
53 1449
42  up Bakerlona FC
Stuart Baker
54 1447
43  down FTM
Stu Smith
38 1439
44  same romeoshondavan
Rob Hewer
53 1435
45  same iamgroot
scott mcgow
58 1423
46  same Jarv88
Paul Jarvis
58 1419
47  same disco dancer
darren frankland
49 1392
48  same Real Jorvik
Simon Brown
64 1369
49  same Release The Hounds
Paul Mitchell
52 1347
50  same Biscuitmen
Chris Morton
50 1211


Buckets Cup quarter finals

Are we on for another double winner in their debut season, much like FC Caligula did in 2015/2016? Hornets are still fighting on both fronts. Their score was the lowest of the quarter final winners this week, but still above the game average and most importantly, enough to see off Fun Lovren Criminals. They will play first time semi finalists, Game of Throw Ins, whilst another last four debutant, Atletico Chappers, will take on Emergency Gap Jumper. Should be an interesting final in Gameweek 31.

Manager of the week – The Vinegar Pissers – Paul Hawkins – 74 points

Three scores crept above 70 points this week, the highest of which was the 74 posted by The Vinegar Pissers. They’re the latest team to launch an assault on the Hornets domination, climbing up into third just behind Brexiter, who themselves, narrowed the gap by three. As well as picking up on another player of the week performance by Heung-Min Son, the Pissers also garnered 15 points from both of Brighton’s goalscorers in their victory over Arsenal. Glen Murray has six in eight games and only Mo Salah and Sergio Aguero have scored more since the turn of the year.

Player of the week – Heung-Min Son – 16 points

His second player of the week total and with that becomes only the third player this season to achieve the highest weekly score on more than one occasion. He had been on a run of blank weeks since his last double figure score and had started dropping out of teams. No goals and assists, the return to the team of Erik Lamela and the purchase of Lucas Moura obviously putting doubt about his return potential. That’ll probably reverse now and He’ll no doubt be a popular choice once Spurs’s double gameweek(s) roll round.

Bargain of the week – Ki Sung-Yeung – 13 points

A South Korean double at the top of the weekly player tables this week. Ki has played nearly every game under Swansea’s new manager and has obviously played an important part in their revival. His last run in the team under the previous manager yielded no returns at all. This time round he has two goals, two assists and two double figure totals in the last four games. And for under £5 million. There’ll be Swansea double gameweeks too.

Twat of the week – Ashley Williams – -2 points

Sam Allardyce solved whatever problems there were at Everton for all of about two games. They’re surprisingly leaky, especially away from home, and three red cards, the latest of which was dished out to their captain for the day, is the most for any team in the top flight. Apart from those bruising bastards over at Watford of course.

Goal of the week – Nemanja Matic.

Last goal in the last minute of the last game.


Gameweek 35 results

April 26, 2016

1 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 39 2,100
2 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 51 2,097
3 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 47 2,062
4 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 48 2,056
5 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 45 2,019
6 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 47 2,013
7 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 39 1,992
8 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 44 1,982
9 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 47 1,974
10 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 36 1,970
11 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 41 1,956
12 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 55 1,945
13 Init fc Mustafa khan 52 1,936
14 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 41 1,931
15 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 52 1,925
16 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 60 1,919
17 SS3 FC Paul Murray 50 1,918
18 Howayman Mark Bromham 52 1,904
19 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 66 1,900
20 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 31 1,891
21 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 27 1,888
22 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 38 1,886
23 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 41 1,885
24 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 40 1,884
25 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 41 1,865
26 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 50 1,859
27 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 42 1,854
28 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 34 1,838
29 Below Par Paul Bentz 51 1,826
30 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 31 1,818
31 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 42 1,795
32 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 32 1,767
34 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 40 1,761
35 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 59 1,739
36 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 21 1,734
37 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 44 1,728
38 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 55 1,676
39 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 44 1,672
40 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 33 1,649
41 Ciderheads Darren Pope 32 1,640
42 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 44 1,471
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 31 1,438
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 45 1,333


The reduced gameweek. That’s less games – so low scores were somewhat inevitable. Or perhaps they shouldn’t have been given that four teams managed to score four goal victories. But, the worldwide average was only 39 points. Maybe it had something to do with the scorers in those games – Eden Hazard? Or it may have had more to do with the fact that everyone was expecting another Tottenham rout – and that didn’t materialise.

In fact this could be the weekend that the Premier League title was effectively decided. Any doubts over whether Leicester could cope without Jamie Vardy were answered emphatically as they thumped Swansea (defo on the beach) 4-0. The contrasting form of Leicester and Spurs players over the last few weeks has seen a lot of managers opt to dispense of the likes of Mahrez and Vardy, yet keep hold of Kane, Alli, Eriksen etc. That tactic didn’t pay off this week. Vardy’s replacement, Leonardo Ulloa, proved what a useful asset he is, scoring twice and picking up 13 points for anyone that dared take the punt.

One of whom was Hedgehog Corpse, our highest weekly scorer with 66 points. Ulloa came in alongside Mahrez, who was made captain, and Robert Huth, to contribute 39 points to their overall score.

The top eight are all non-movers this week, although Your Ad Here’s 16 point swing against Caligula moves them closer to the top and further away from the chasing pack. Maybe it is back to that two horse race again.


Player of the week – Kelechi Iheanacho – 16 points. Better than Bony and half the price.

Bargain of the week – Ashley Westwood – 15 points. Probably the best Villa performance of the season – and they still got hammered.

Donkey of the week – Ashley Williams – -1 points. Beach.

Goal of the week – Daniel Sturridge. Bit of a dearth this week


Gameweek 22 results

January 19, 2016

1 Golden Boys Stephanie Cripps 55 1,214
2 Your Ad Here Matthew Hopkins 73 1,205
3 FC Caligula Ajay Supeda 74 1,203
4 4 Lime Jellies Ian Williams 57 1,178
5 Atlético Chappers Richard Chapman 77 1,157
6 Game of Throw ins Darren Lavelle 62 1,155
7 Edgbaston Micheal Dinneen 74 1,151
8 greensmeansbusiness adam greenwood 40 1,150
9 Rocky Ba Bauer P Hawkins 71 1,150
10 Walking with Memphis Noel Driver 47 1,148
11 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 56 1,145
12 Gaalacticos Colin Goulding 52 1,145
13 Sergio Five O DEAN CRIPPS 51 1,144
14 The Kolarov Mané Trevor Gordon 71 1,144
15 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 56 1,142
16 Bicuitmen Chris Morton 62 1,141
17 Howayman Mark Bromham 32 1,132
18 Grievous AngelRangel Andrew Swift 75 1,131
19 SS3 FC Paul Murray 46 1,131
20 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 54 1,131
21 scotty2hotty scott mcgow 52 1,127
22 Init fc Mustafa khan 67 1,121
23 Romeo’s Honda Van Rob Hewer 71 1,120
24 Below Par Paul Bentz 60 1,103
25 JonniestaRedmondinho David Spinks 48 1,099
26 The Craggy Islanders Adrian Roche 63 1,097
27 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 41 1,094
28 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 72 1,087
29 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 57 1,085
30 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 49 1,082
31 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 40 1,075
32 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 49 1,057
33 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 21 1,053
34 The Hardy Boys Alan Hardy 66 1,022
36 Go Buffoons Go!!! Jitesh Lakhani 46 1,019
37 Ciderheads Darren Pope 39 996
38 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 64 994
39 Baker Bum Boys Lewis Baker 39 970
40 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 45 962
41 Bish Bosh Goal Simon Purnell 38 933
42 Sweet Cherry Pie Jason Earwicker 41 933
43 REAL JORVIK Simon Brown 51 858
44 BrussiaHairbach Alex Ritchie 65 826


Atletico Chappers score 77 points this week to claim the manager of the week prize. They were 18th only a fortnight ago, but have now risen to 5th, which goes to show that with a couple of good scores under your belt there are still opportunities to climb this league. Chappers sit at the top of that congested middle order which sees just 37 points separate 19 places. Chappers brought in Sergio Aguero in gameweek 20 to replace Romelu Lukaku, which was a brave move, given Lukaku’s form up until that point. Aguero has since scored 26 points to Lukaku’s nine. An inspired transfer.

On Sunday evening we had new leaders. Golden Boys have had a poor month, sitting only 33rd in the January table. After the Sunday games both Your Ad Here and FC Caligula had overtaken them at the top of the table. Not for the first time this season Ashley Williams added vital points to Golden Boys’ score to reclaim their place at the summit. Williams’ goal, clean sheet and bonuses totalled 15 points. Williams scored three consecutive 9 point scores in December with similar effect. The gap at the top was 27 points last week. It’s now down to nine. Could it be time for the Golden Boys to finally play a wildcard?

It was another week in which the old reliables of the first half of the season failed to deliver. Best epitomised by Riyad Mahrez, who missed his second penalty of the season. It’s five weeks of nothingness now from the Algerian. But whereas Leicester are still maintaining a title challenge of sorts, Watford’s bubble may have burst. And with it the scoring run of Troy Deeney and Odion Ighalo. We appear to be in the middle of a changing of the guard as far as form players are concerned. And it’s happened pretty much as the first half of the season has finished and the second half has started. Only Mesut Ozil, of those previous big hitters, occupies a place on the first page of form players. Maybe we’ll all be playing those wildcards a lot sooner than we thought.


Player of the week – Charlie Daniels – 18 points. Bournemouth’s full backs are definitely worth a look at the moment.

Bargain of the week – Matt Targett – 11 points. From nowhere. Two consecutive double figure scores. And for £3.7 million.

Donkey of the week – Scott Dann – 0 points. Another bubble burst?

Goal of the week – Ayoze Perez. 

1 Pescara Rangers Stewart Pope 84 897
2 Les Canaris David Spinks 55 869
3 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 53 859
4 A Few Good Men Darren Pope 72 851
5 Pimp My Side Jordan Raper 61 846
6 A Pint of Fuller’s P Hawkins 61 842
7 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 68 832
8 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 52 819
9 (Your Ad Here) Matthew Hopkins 60 806
10 None Of The Above Jonny Mabbutt 66 800
11 Body Issues FC Arron Fellows 53 796
12 Fancy a brouhaha? Ian Williams 72 793
13 Doing the 91 Colin Goulding 58 793
14 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 79 790
15 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 51 789
16 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 54 785
17 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 51 784
18 Upper Bullens Scouse Mouse 50 779
19 Moxie XI Luke O’Shea 29 742
20 Borussia HairBack Alex Ritchie 51 736
21 goodbutnosigurdsson Rob Hewer 60 735
22 Crazy Legs XI David Caldicott 51 732
22 Release The Hounds 5 Paul Mitchell 35 732
24 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 56 727
25 Lothersdale FC Simon Rider 65 723
26 Inter Ealing Paul Bentz 62 720
27 Real Jorvik Simon Brown 75 700

Due to having a dose of manflu so severe I can barely walk, and being about as prepared and organised for Christmas as Man City are for last minute free kicks, I’m combining last weeks results with the coming weeks fixture preview. This might happen again over the coming weeks. I only hope I can keep up with the gameweeks and not miss anything. Although I do hope some of you are so stuffed/pissed/embedded with family that you forget your managerial duties and let me climb a few more places. Thanks.

Not too many people – hardly anyone in fact – thought there’d be much advantage in drafting in Sunderland and Reading players this week – and they’d be half right. Reading didn’t offer anything. They didn’t score and conceded 4. Only Adam Federici, who picked up 2 extra points for the saves he made, scored anything other than their basic appearance points. Sunderland, by virtue of the convincing win over Reading, did have a good week. Their defeat to Chelsea was maybe expected, but they did score a goal courtesy of Adam Johnson. He also picked up a bonus point out of that game. James McLean was credited with the assist. McLean also scored against Reading, assisted by Johnson. Carlos Cuellar assisted and kept a clean sheet. John O’Shea and Simon Mignolet were the other clean sheet keepers. Sessegnon and Fletcher were the other goal scorers, with Danny Rose grabbing the last assist. Across those players there were plenty of points to be had, particularly with McLean, Johnson and Cuellar, who all nothced double figures. Giving McLean the captaincy would have bagged you 32 points. This was enough to make McLean the overall player of the week.

And after all that, Pescara Rangers win the gameweek with 84 points, and not a Reading or Sunderland player in sight. There were lots of goals around this week. Even Fernando Torres found the net twice, as did Michu, as usual, Arteta, twice from the penalty spot, James McCarthy and Wayne Rooney. Pescara bravely handed Torres the captaincy, scoring 32 points. Van Persie, Michu, Yaya, Tevez and Jason Puncheon all added goals or assists.

A word on the Manc derby –  Rio’s been asking for that for years. All that hurtling forward 90 yards to celebrate goals he had nothing to do with, kissing his badge and thrusting his hair lip in the faces of the opposition fans. Wanker.

15 Dec 12:45 Newcastle Newcastle v Man City Man City
15 Dec 15:00 Liverpool Liverpool v Aston Villa Aston Villa
15 Dec 15:00 Man Utd Man Utd v Sunderland Sunderland
15 Dec 15:00 Norwich Norwich v Wigan Wigan
15 Dec 15:00 QPR QPR v Fulham Fulham
15 Dec 15:00 Stoke City Stoke City v Everton Everton
16 Dec 13:30 Tottenham Tottenham v Swansea Swansea
16 Dec 16:00 West Brom West Brom v West Ham West Ham
17 Dec 20:00 Reading Reading v Arsenal Arsenal

As for next week, well, Torres won’t be adding to his tally. Chelsea don’t play. Their opponents would have been Southampton, so Jason Puncheon can’t add to that run of form either. A few teams will have decisions to make on what to do with their Chelsea and/or Saints players. Both teams have winnable home fixtures in week 18, so providing your not going to be left with only 10 men, just leave it for a week. You pick up two free subs along the way. Then there’s the quick switch option. Kicking Torres out for a week to bring in a striker purposely for this weeks fixtures could work. How many could Van Persie or Rooney get against Sunderland? Suarez could have as good week against Villa. Defoe against Swansea? Tevez or Aguero against Newcastle? Sebastian Bassong against Wigan even? You read that right. Three goals in four games for the Norwich centre half, and three consecutive clean sheets before that. Whose to say he won’t score and keep a clean sheet this weekend. Not bad for a player who has suffered 3 relegations in the last 5 seasons, and was probably expecting another one in this.

  • Player of the week – James McLean – 16 points. Had to be a player from one of the teams that played twice
  • Bargain of the week – James McCarthy – 15 points. Should also have been from one of the teams that played twice.
  • Donkey of the week – Ashley Williams – -1 points. Torn apart by Norwich.

Goal of the weekend

Glen Johnson v West Ham

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