Gameweek 1 results

August 19, 2014

1 RayCrawfordsCrackers Rob Hewer 62 62
2 Panza Grande XI Stuart Baker 61 61
3 Biscuitmen Chris Morton 56 56
4 Bermie Utd Glen Davies 54 54
5 Pretty Schitty City Alex Michaluk 53 53
5 Uriah Rennie 2nd XI Neil Greenwood 53 53
7 Gaalatcticos Colin Goulding 51 51
7 Sportingabiggerwig Alex Ritchie 51 51
9 Shoelace Untied Caroline Strong 50 50
10 NaboombuDirtyYellows Andrew Swift 49 49
10 Release The Hounds Paul Mitchell 49 49
10 Van Damme United P Hawkins 49 49
10 Hedgehog Corpse FC Nick Smith 49 49
14 Upper Bullens Andy Taylor 48 48
14 Crazylegs XI David Caldicott 48 48
16 * Your Ad Here * Matthew Hopkins 47 47
16 Rip Roaring Reds Sean Whyton 47 47
18 Accrington Rudyard Ian Williams 46 46
18 Real Jorvik FC Simon Brown 46 46
18 Who R U DEAN CRIPPS 46 46
21 Neil Madrid Neil Strong 44 44
21 Paris Spinks Germain David Spinks 44 44
21 Ciderheads Darren Pope 44 44
24 Pescara Rangers Stewart Pope 40 40
25 No Recognized Plan Paul Bentz 38 38
25 Jordie’s Giants Jordan Raper 38 38
27 Howay Man AFC Mark Bromham 36 36
28 The Mindless Morons John Seacroft 31 31
29 Luxembourg United Simon Smallbone 27 27

Good to see the Premier League is still completely unpredictable. The two outright title favourites had the most convincing results, but even they didn’t necessarily have it all their own way, with Chelsea having to recover from a goal down, and City only sealing a more convincing looking victory than it actually was against Newcastle with a strike in injury time. Arsenal and Liverpool limped to victories against Palace and Southampton respectively, but despite this, the expensive midfield and attacking options of last season’s top four were where the majority of Buckets points were scored this week.

And where were United? Picking up from where they left off last year? Not even that. This time last year they faced Swansea in their opening game and beat them 4-1. Away. With that Moyes bloke in charge. So much for the revolution. So much for the new system which was dropped after 45 minutes.

And fantasy managers have been voting with their fingers and mouses and clicking and shit. Most transferred players out of fantasy teams as I write – top of the list (not including the crocked Ross Barkley) is Juan Mata. Also in the top twenty – Ander Herrera and Ashley Young. I’m prepared to give it another game or two. To think that United will continue on a losing streak against all three of the promoted teams (three of their next four games) does seem a little hard to believe. The were a number of good combos of those big name midfielders and attackers. As many as possible of Sterling, Fabregas, Ramsey, Silva, Aguero, Costa, Sturridge and Dzeko would have probably contributed between 20 and 30 points to your total. Rooney, the most popular pre-gameweek pick was the only United saving grace. As the most popular captain choice (we really were seduced weren’t we?) he guaranteed a fair amount of managers a double point score at least.

Top of the Buckets after week one are last years champs (in a different team name guise), RayCrawfordsCrackers, who finished with 62 points. Keeping the same name, and in second place, are last years runners up, Panza Grande, with 61. Panza were catapulted from mid table to second thanks to James Chester’s promotion from subs bench to starting line up following Ben Davies’ no show. Chester scored, kept a clean sheet and got top bonus marks in Hull’s victory over QPR. And became our first player of the week.


Player of the week – James Chester – 15 points. The only back three that worked.

Bargain of the week – Saido Berahino – 13 points. The Premier League’s leading goalscorer.

Donkey of the week – Kyle Naughton – -2 points. Took him 26 minutes to forget he’s not a keeper.

Goal of the week – Lee Cattermole – Sunderland v West Bromwich Albion. Place your bets. Will he end up with more red cards or goals come the end of the season? So rare are Cattermole goals, there’s no video for it anywhere on the world wide web.



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